Pretending?

A so my preliminary exam week has come. With all the requirements I needed to finish plus the study time it demanded from me, I got all tensed and stressed. The good thing about this is that my activities left me no room to think of unwelcome thoughts and just focus on my ever day tasks. Then, someone (unregistered cellphone number) has texted me a very interesting message:

“Pretending to be happy when you’re in pain is just an example of how strong you are as a person…still making that simple smile when every part of you dies. “

To whoever sent that to me, I assume that you know me. In some ways, you are quite right. I try to be strong each day because I know that happiness is a choice. If I choose to mope around and spread negativity because I am hurt, no one would care and no one will bear with me. When you are in pain, you are alone in this world. But when you try to be happy, you go with the crowd of people trying to make that happen. There is a greater proportion of people who wanted to survive in this life. I am one of those people.

I am sorry but I am not pretending. If you see me smile, although I am not deeply happy, I am just content with what is happening. I am not pushing or hoping for my pain to pass. I hope it will last for that way, I will always remember that life has its imperfections. When I go dreaming of nonsensical things, the pain in me keeps me to the ground and to my reality. I would rather face reality head-on that live in a fantasy world hoping and praying that someone would save me from my despair. I am writing my own fate. I know that even God would agree that I deserve more in this life. And the more pain I bear, I believe that the better my life would be, ‘cause I turned out to be the better person HE means to make out of me.

I keep that smile because I welcome even the slightest flicker of joy in my life. I won’t let my ex get the best of me. Though he had me at my best, I won’t let him turn me to my worst. Why would I ever ruin myself for someone who never cared? That chapter of my life is slowly fading. With new prospects comes new hope. But I try not to jump on the romantic lane; I just wanted to enjoy company. Who knows, from all the talking, ice cream flutes, spaghetti runs and “bonding” sessions, something or someone would turn out fine.