The only power we refuse

Even though we are gifted with speech, it does not mean that we will always be understood. Sometimes, some cases would require us to be silent just to refrain from offending people of our feelings through feisty and hurtful speeches. Whenever we cannot determine or handle issues that come inevitable in our daily lives, we tend to shut up because it protects us from the consequences of what we may do just because we are plain pissed. However, keeping our mouth shut will also keep people at a distance so you can have moments to consider certain things and actions that need to be done apart from those driven by the present circumstances.

Just think about this…

People may learn of your struggles and understand you.
Because they care for you, they will keep their distance and give you their understanding for as long as they can.

But when silence continues…

For how long will these people bear with the agony of your problems?
How long will these people wait for you to come for their help?
How long does it take for you to understand that in every struggle, these people wish to be part of every pain and worry that you are carrying.

How long does it take to convince you that people are there even when you turn your back and lead your own way?

How long will it take to convince you that these people are capable of doing everything to appease you?

Sometimes, when we are so convinced that we are alone and misunderstood in this world, we tend to forget that we actually do the same to the people who truly love us. Because we are blinded by the pain, we tend to protect ourselves and rein our needs to keep us from reaching out…mainly because we fear rejection.

thoughts of seclusion

Do you clearly see this picture, this is what seclusion means to me. bright clear sunshine within sight but out of reach...
I think of myself as this mound of land sometimes. Grounded yet unstable. Tall but inadequate. Emptiness that needs to be filled...landscape that needs to be developed with value that is yet to be determined.

Lost, proud, unsure, and hopeful.

In the past, I endured sufferings, loneliness, and deep self-disappointments. I was so confused and I tried to settle things by my self as I was convinced that I am too good to handle everything that comes my way. God has His own ways to make you think differently about yourself, of bending the self-image you have glorified yourself to be. You will be surprised of what you can do and conquer by asking help and giving one if necessary. Life is a cycle, and so is helping and giving. So when you give nothing, nothing will be replenished. Like blood, like food, like love.

When you are convinced that you are good enough, He disagrees. Because you need to acknowledge the contributions people have given to make you the worst and the best of person you have come to be.

I have come to know that there is nothing wrong and it is never a sign of weakness to admit your faults, ask for help, or ask for guidance when needed.

Rather…

Too much pride and unfitting courage are protective walls that will bring inconsistencies that only promote weakness in every aspect of our lives. They are walls that hinder us from our happiness.

I should know…

a different perspective

when mean people hurt us
just think of them as sandpapers

they may rub and scratch painfully

but eventually...

you will end up smooth and polished...
while the sand paper ends up worthless.

analyze this

"No one can drive us crazy...











unless we give them the key..."

Relections:
...never let someone in unless you are sure that you can survive and you can still manage if he decides to let you go...or to escape you.

...expectations are made not to let us hope for the best, but to work your way in making the best of every situation.

...the people that have hurt us will continually hurt us only if we allow them to treat us badly...only if we refuse to let go of the memories.

...the people that have caused us so much pain will move on. Not letting go of all the pain and not understanding where it roots from, will hinder us from moving on. Incidentally, they are usually the people we kept close to our lives and whom we have come to love deeply. As we settle with their apologies and forgiveness, we are left with all those awful and painful memories to live with.

When Sh*t Happens

I’ve read somewhere that to minimize the stresses in life; you must perceive your own life as an everyday challenge. This way, every struggle will be faced with enthusiasm and not with disdain and complains. Whining about every problem that comes our way will not make everything better. In fact, it leads us to thinking that life is a burden. To me, life is as spontaneous as it can be. No means of control or planning could prepare us to whatever is at stake in the future. Truly, it will be a big surprise. Sometimes, the bleakness of your situation now can open certain possibilities that could lead you to your own happy ending. And even the slightest mistake could lead us back to deep dark moments of our life only to learn over and over the things that we refuse to accept. When situations play with our emotions, we have to take a grip of our initial reactions for bad things might root from them. Our only job is to take a breather when everything seems to close in so we could face issues one step at a time.

As cynical as it may be, freaks like I am always believed that we can steer everything our lives. But the thing is, it truly helps to accept that there are things bigger than us, bigger than anything we have come to believe. We are often placed in situations that seem to have happened in the past only to make us feel that we are plain mortals…we have no control whatsoever to whomever or to everything that might come and go. Things could fade right before our eyes and we must be strong enough to bear with the agony of finally yielding into certain philosophies that we once found stupid, unimportant, and untrue.

It helps that we have families that will always receive and accept our faults, mistakes, and lashed out nonsense whenever we stumble and fall. It’s comforting to think that we can pray for strength and guidance in everything we face. But the truth is we are the ones that will bend, change, and be hurt over and over again so before we think of others, we must reflect deep into our souls to really know what we are made of. Make ourselves whole again. Because as harsh as life can be, we are the only ones who can really treat ourselves the way we deserve to be treated.

This is what I believe right now and this is the way things are gonna be in my life. Selfish as I can be, I will never settle for things that are temporary and things with conditions. I now know what I am worth and I will be damned if I don’t get what I want this way. This is how I make things simple. This is how my life is. This defines my happiness. And I don’t know if things will stay like this. But I still have hopes that whatever will strike me again, I will be armed this time with courage and strength that time and mistakes have forged and molded me to be. Thank God for bearing with me all those times that I have stayed too long in the emotional circus I have come to call “life”.

Sorry if my blogs are quite pretty low lately. That’s exactly how I feel these days. Maybe because valentine blues are starting to loom over me and yet, I still can’t find a thing to be busy with. ‘am fighting temptations though but I know I could still hold it, suck ‘em all in, and just be happy…well maybe these past few days is just a stage that will pass and will be forgotten. After all, I will be preoccupied with many things in the next few months.

So until this gloominess pass, I will post something meaningful hopefully.

press button if bored

Few of the many words to describe tired and bored:

Fed-up
Feeling low...
Stressed-out
Burned-out
Drained
Wasted
Battery empty
Delusional
Low-energy level
Loss of enthusiasm
Excited…no more
Psyched…yesterday
Moping…a lot
Occasionally depressed
PMS
Stood-up…recently
Hopeful...yesterday
Indifference
Lack of attention
Too much attention
Too much love
Zero love meter
Neglected…always
Waiting…still

…so, are you feeling me now?

Care to share your escape button?

is it worth it?

Waiting is too much to ask
In vain, you might lose sanity,
In haste, you might lose reason for actions
Exactly when does waiting become too long?
I don’t know, maybe when the party who wait could not bear
More of the agony
More thinking
More disappointment
As time ticks, moments are lost
To waiting
So when will this end
Go figure!!

in time for valentine season

"the painted veil"

my lightning round of reviews would be:
Touching and maturely riveted love story
Excellent cinematography
Surprisingly romantic settings (at the middle of a cholera outbreak)

Deeply engaging script:
Every line encompasses emotions
Meaningful passages and more

“I knew when I married you, you where selfish and spoiled…but I love you. I know you married me to get as far away from your mother as possible, and I hope that one day, there will be something more…”

“Duty is only washing your hands when they are dirty…but when love and duty is one, then grace is within you.”

Cholera is quite an honest metaphor to pertain the reality of one’s struggles in love.

Utterly depressing but nevertheless, it was quite a tasteful tale of finding their way to realizing that love is pure and love is selfless, and love lasts.
Because in love
There are no known faults
There is nothing to forgive
No hate lasts
No barrier is left standing
With boundless of possibilities
Love basically conquers every reason just to make it happen
Love finds its way to draw people
Into their destiny

For a long time, I have never seen a meaningful movie such as this one. Letting myself be immersed into this honest and remarkable love story has made me realize that everything I know about life and love was shallow, much to my surprise. This movie proves that they are much deeper than that.

To this age where senseless gore and feel-good movies thrive, this is definitely a must-see. I can’t speak more other than I really love this movie.

LUvv it!!

bridesmaid no more

I just saw 27 dresses and I tell you, it will really make a nice chick flick for one of your date movies. It was just a thrill to see an overly protective and caring woman to have found the one that will really take care of her for a change. I give my three-thumbs up on rating this flick. Enjoy it in theaters!

I’ve been tagged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to Miss P…here it goes…

5 Things Found in my Bag
1. Coin purse (I never bring my wallet along)
2. Lunch/snacks
3. Comb
4. Cell phone
5. Yosi

5 Things Found in my Wallet
1. Cash
2. ATM and ID Cards
3. coins
4. receipts
5. bank transactions

5 Things Found in my Room
1. E-fan
2. Books (hard/soft bound novel collections, children stories)
3. Loads of Diapers
4. Toys
5. me-and-muh-buboy’s clothes

5 Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do
1. Have a vacation (feb fair hopefully)
2. Going on a real romantic date
3. Watching good films in the theater
4. Have a stable job that I love
5. Keeping my buboy happy and healthy

5 Things I am Currently Into
1. Parenting
2. Personal-journal-keeping
3. Deep self reflections (major decisions to be made soon)
4. Moisturizing
5. Nursery rhymes’ lyrics

5 people to tag in this meme:
1. mayan
2. owen
3. lyn
4. twinx
5. homar

"life's a tough cookie"

Since I can’t think of a thing to add in my blog today, I am lazily ruffling over my email account to look for that funny story I’ve read ages ago. This was from my friend “kumar”…hope this one will be a good read for you as it was for me.



















so, was this a been-there-done-that moment? 'thought so.

early tribute to valentine's day

Since I am in one of my weird moods today, I just wanted to share something real and funny. AskMen.com just given me a great idea about finding the songs to dig in since Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. To men with someone special to spend it with, you’re such in a great luck that still many are crying their hearts out over karaoke stations just to spread their torn hearts to other people who suffers with them (ahem! Loyal friends?!). Even their classic machismo could never keep them from crying or moping over some cheesy songs. Here are few of the bits and pieces I managed to compile out of David Nusair’s article. ( Understandably, I will only discuss those I’m familiar with)

With its infectious and patented feel-good vibe, Bob Marley’s “No woman , No cry” is considered to be one of men’s classic brake-up songs. With its laid-back tempo and optimistic lyrics, men will surely dig its “everything’s gonna be alright” liners.

Next in rank would be Milley Cyrus’ father’s “Achy Breaky Heart”. This one could be an antidote to typically sappy and sad break-up songs. Actually, as corny as it is, this song was used in one of my grade school’s group square dance antics which were coincidentally held in the love month of February. This song is famous for continuously muttering its infectious “Don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart. I just don’t think it’d understand” liner throughout the song.

Next stop…give it up for Pantera’s classic goth-angry approach to break-up songs. With their popular song “This love”, men’s if-I-can’t-have-you-nobody-can sentiments was voiced out. Their “I'd kill myself for you, I'd kill you for myself” liner made men rock out a real pissed-off song during their darkest moments in love.

Give it up for the cheesy “I will survive” mania, men also dealt with the same issues women do during break-ups. Boy, we really share some thoughts aye?! Who can forget it’s “I would have made you leave your key/If I'd have known for just one second/You'd be back to bother me” lyrics.

Give it up for his Royal Classic Hotness for making it in this song list. Elvis Presley’s “Always on My Mind” was actually featured in the film “Practical Magic”. The song is basically offers an almost heartbreaking tale of break-up. In belting out an infectious Beatle-ish tune, who can forget it’s “If I made you feel second best/I'm sorry, I was blind” heartfelt regret?!

Old songs really hit home which is why I really dug deeper just to find these popular but old songs. Next on the list would be Fleetwood Mac’s “Go on your way”. It supposedly convinces men to try shouting “If I could/Baby I’d give you my world” to the leaving party to find little consolation on their guilt-stricken faces. It could possibly win her back. If not, we better move on to the top of AskMen.com’s list.

Guns and Roses’ fans? Anyone? The last entry would be a treat. Getting over your breakup while singing and banging along “Back-off Bitch” never fails to evoke the rocker inside most men with its rife and misogynistic lyrics. Who can not fight inward-loathing and self-pity when you can simply shout “Face of an angel with the love of a witch.” to your ex’s face? This could be the meanest break-up song ever to be sung to a girl. It's a good thing though...or is it? Well, if it hurts so much them go on. She'll understand.haha!

Certainly, there will never be a shortage for break-up songs. But nothing could beat the classic ones as they have long been part of tears-and-booze and I’m-ready-to-move-on stages of most people’s lives.

So to those who suffers, nurse some booze, sing along, and make valentine’s day better this year!!!

I hope you enjoy pantera
CHEERS!!

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Tsk! Tsk!

Have you ever seen that latest Johnny Depp flick "Sweeney Todd"? I was really frustrated of what it turned out to be. A musical? All the elements of what rich gore stories and sell-out movies are made of were there and yet they opted to blast the actors’ lines through their pinging pieholes? As always, Mr. Depp was terrific. But Helena scared the h**l out of my ear drums. I could not get to understand her lines. Even the other actors sucked in their singing.

Maybe because it just wasn't what I have expected or maybe I just saw it at one of my foul moods. I am simply saying that it could have been at its best if only they removed all that singing. We are free to express our opinions anyway. Kudos to Johnny Depp!!

juno (2007)

Few days ago, I came across a movie in the internet which is titled “JUNO”. It was about a teenager who was impregnated because she thinks she is convinced that she is bold and old enough to enjoy what supposedly is called fun-sex. As the movie progresses, immature Juno used all her wits and smarts to deal with the responsibilities she has to face for her unborn child. While she thought the situation could be handled simply by finding the best adoptive parents and the best set-up where her future child could thrive, the movie manages to lighten up situation where generally parents and people are expected to freak out. I never thought the situation could be handled that easy. That kids could get out of such awkward situations that fast. Maybe because it’s a different culture; but I see certain similarities to what is becoming the trend in our youth today. With all that trendy, seemingly intelligent, and sarcastic vocabs which is becoming a standard element of teenage movies, Juno convinces that teenage angst really is a parent's nightmare. But the turning point was that when she realized that dealing with teenage pregnancy wasn’t all just that. Throughout the length of the story, the story manages to show what "children" could actually manage to do these days.

Juno was a free-spirited girl who loves rock bands and anything that is related to gore movies and her goth music. For a child, the decisions she made out of her pregnancy seems to be responsible enough for me. I realized that you must not underestimate the capacity of today’s teenagers to run their own lives. Although she was faced with mockery and unwanted disdain at school and in her community, I never saw a tinge of regret in her. It was very mature of her not to put blame and hatred to the "father" while moving on with her life.

My favorite Juno line would be:
“…at least you do not carry the proof of doing the ‘thing’ under your sweater everyday”

So for all the women out there-whatever happens, just play safe okay?

Before the beginning of years
There came the making of man
Time, with a gift of tears;
Grief, with a glass that ran;
Pleasure, with pain for leaven;
Summer, with flowers that fell;
Remembrance, fallen from heaven,
And madness risen from hell;
Strength without hands to smite;
Love that endures for a breath;
As night is the shadow of light,
And Life, the shadow of death.
Be still, be strong,
Your beauty never slumbers;
All is in her name;
But the rose remembers
The dust from which it came.

THIS DEFINITELY HITS CLOSE TO HOME

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||| 53% Stability |||||||||| 36% Orderliness |||||||||||||||| 70% Accommodation |||||||||||| 43% Interdependence |||||||||||| 50% Intellectual |||||||||||| 43% Mystical |||||| 30% Artistic |||||||||||||| 56% Religious |||||||||||||||| 70% Hedonism |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Materialism |||||||||||||||| 70% Narcissism |||||| 30% Adventurousness |||||||||||| 50% Work ethic |||||||||||||| 56% Self absorbed |||||||||||||| 56% Conflict seeking |||||||||||| 43% Need to dominate |||||||||||||||| 70% Romantic |||||||||||| 50% Avoidant |||||||||||||| 56% Anti-authority |||||||||||| 50% Wealth |||||||||| 36% Dependency |||||||||||||| 56% Change averse |||||||||||||| 56% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||| 76% Individuality |||||||||||| 50% Sexuality |||||||||| 36% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||| 56% Physical security |||||||||||||||||| 76% Physical Fitness |||||||||||||| 57% Histrionic |||||||||||||| 56% Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 63% Vanity |||||||||||||||||| 76% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 70% Indie |||||| 30%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality test by similarminds.com

Stability results were moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were high which suggests you are overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense too often of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.

Extraversion results were medium which suggests you are moderately talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting.


trait snapshot:

neat freak, organized, worrying, phobic, fears the unknown, irritable, pessimistic, emotionally sensitive, fears chaos, risk averse, fragile, unadventurous, depressed, frequently second guesses self, likes to fit in, does not like to stand out, perfectionist, hard working, does not like to be alone, clingy, dependent, practical, ordinary, cautious, takes precautions, good at saving money, suspicious, heart over mind, busy, altruistic

appearances and ratings could really be deceiving

TV Reviews

save me from myself

sorry if mtvs become a bit crowded in here but i am really hyped by the chance to share fine music with whoever stumbles upon my blogsite's way. hope you enjoy a fresh and younger looking christina aguilera in this video. she claims this to be a very personal one, but the tune appeals to me more than its moving pictures. so ergoes...

Music Videos - Save Me From Myself

flaws and all

Music Videos - Flaws And All

Okay! I can’t work. Now that I am growing too excited to make more entries to my personal blog, I might as well get on with it.

When a friend of mine never forgets to text me with all that rants about life, love, and men thru texts every single day, I always make it a point to read every entries because I truly relish the idea that she remembered texting me and she remembered me. And I am thinking of what it costs her to keep connected to a number of friends. I just wanted to tell her that it is “sulit” on my part.

She is such a wild character (as I was before) so whenever I receive some serious entries, I find it surprising that the message hits close to home. Let me just share some of the few ones I could remember:

The other day, she sent me something about missing the most important part of your life. The entry goes like, when you are so focused and is obsessing about how prepared you are for the future, you tend to miss out the most important thing. (I always have a selective amnesia so please bear with me on this.) The entry goes similarly to the saying that when you go fast forward and impatiently read to find out how the story of a book ends up, you miss the greatest part. And that is, the essence of the whole length of the story. In a way, the message was right because when you keep your eye on the prize, you tend to miss out the whole experience of winning the prize you are dreaming about. Every mistake and every moment counts. At every second of the day, you will face specific aspects of your life where decisions will be made to work things or issues out.

When we become too focused on ourselves, we miss out cherishing the moments we spend with the people who have helped us get our “prize”. Every moment counts and a single act of acknowledgement to whatever happens and whatever form of help was given are worth the effort.

Acknowledging that you can’t beat life’s struggles is where reality sinks in. Because you basically can’t control it, you can’t say that after you have dealt with a major problem there will be nothing to follow. Life equates to continuous pursuits to making us realize who and what really matters. And to reach that point, we need to make strings of mistakes and deal with awkward and unavoidable situations that go on until they teach us their dose of life’s lessons.

As a person, you can never be too prepared or too careless to face life. Life is as spontaneous as it can be. So there really is no point obsessing about having control with your life for you are not the only one in it. And realizing the importance and cherishing the experiences you share with every person you let into your life is what living is all about.

The other serious entry she gave me was about life offering great options. Decision making is actually one of the ways where you can steer your life towards certain directions. Of course, we tend to weigh what we could gain or lose in every decision we make. To ensure great results and minimum chances of failure, we tend to settle with the options that tend to come close to ideal.

In life, I believe that there are no such things as wrong decisions. It only depends on the people who overlook the decision you have made. Normalcy and morality issues aside, it will not be selfish if you reflect deeply into yourself when you are faced with instances where you are faced with life’s crossroads. Although your decision could possibly mess up or fix things in your life, it’s really comforting to know that most of the time what seems to be the best options do not always lead you to your happy ending. Often, great things happen out of major mistakes.

I just hope that my writing is not a bore. Well, I could not care less about how this entry appeals to you but the thing is… I am one of those people who kept obsessing everything about life. I tend to have plan A, B, C, up to Z just to make sure that I will not run out of options when desperate times come. After something major has happened in my life, it started to learn living life on a daily basis. I try to be always grateful to every blessing that comes rather than asking for them. I tend to appreciate more than to whine about anything. I tend to communicate and express rather than keeping things bottled up inside me. So every day becomes an exciting quest that leads to me to places where I need to be; where I could find my own treasure in ways that life’s decisions lead me to.

So I can write more about anything, I just wish she would send me more of her thoughts. This is my way of saying, “thank you” to my friend and to her unlimited text addiction.

Now i can get back to work!!!

day one

it's already 9:11 in the morning but i still can't think of a thing to write...maybe later. but before i start working, i just wanted to share some beautiful lyrics from one of my favorite artists. i was really taken by the words of her song for it really comes close to reality.maybe because it is the only song i can relate to at this point of my life. i am talking about beyonce. while most of her songs talk about relationships, womanly guts, and more of womanly passions, this song is definitely one of her bests. although it doesn't take all that breathtaking choreography and all, this really goes straight to my heart. so hit it beyonce:



flaws and all

I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you
I'm a puzzle yes indeed
Ever-complex in every way
And all the pieces aren't even in the box
And yet, you see the picture clear as day

I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
And that's why I love you

I neglect you when I'm working
When I need attention
I tend to nag
I'm a host of imperfection
And you see past all that
I'm a peasant by some standards

But in your eyes I'm a queen
You see potential in all my flaws
And that's exactly what I need

I don't know why you love me…
And that's why I love you

break-in

thanks to my co-workers, i finally gave in to the bandwagon of having a personal blog. mainly, the reason why i have decided to finally pour my thoughts over here is that i am getting really bored at work. sounds familiar huh? are we in the same boat here? ha-ha!! moving on...as i was saying, i was just bored and since i want to do things other than checking out other blog sites or playing stupid online games, i finally found some ways to stretch my free time with...by the name usi- USI to me is the short term of usisera...basically, that's me..a real-blue, authentic USISERA...since i have the chance to finally share my thoughts, gossips, and everything i could type words and organize thoughts with, i am giving personal blogging a big shot..so please, parang awa na...extend your warm welcomes by simply passing by...para bagang house warming...anyways...this is just the start...so brace yourself for the next entries that may bore, tickle, or simply amuse you for some precious minutes of your time...