My New Lust

After moping for days, I finally decided to get out of the house and join my friends, grab some coffee and spend time with a good company. I have stayed indoors for too long, I needed a breath of fresh air. So we went to our favorite hang-out, found a seat near the window and got lost into our chatterbox selves…as we waited for up steaming cups to arrive, I saw a 2009 Toyota Rav4 pass by. If only I could rewind and freeze that moment. You see, a fine car is a beauty as a hot guy is a drool-worthy sight! That just made my day. So when I went back home, I got on the internet to do an enquiry on new cars. My lust for a Rav4 09 is something I could not sleep on. Having known the updates on that car is practically as good planning to buy. While a Rav4 09 is currently beyond my budget right now, at least I know what I want if the day comes that I am finally able to drive one. It’s nice to know that car dealers are now offering car loans and more flexible payment plans…perhaps I should push through with that so I can sleep with my very own Rav4 09 tonight? Ha-ha, just kidding!!!

Laugh Out Laud

being the gossip freak that I am (only when it comes to local and hollywood celebs) seeing Spencer and Heidi always make me go..."what are they up to this time?"

so with the news about swine flue came about, being their celebrity self, they donned their latest beach fashion..


and followed the current health safety guideline...



as it turned out, the MASK was more famous than them...beats me...

it's the MASK

What's for dinner?

uhhmmm....SUSHI?!

another interesting photo from dlisted.com

My Pending Summer Project

For so many days, I have been complaining about how hot it is and now that a low pressure area is developing into a storm near my location, I tend to look back on the sunny days I used to whine about. Cold rainy days make me realize that the stretch of sunny days is so much better. One thing about sunny 80 degrees days is that it gives me time to plan and re-think about my garden furniture project. Since I have given up planting (‘coz I am better off tending and watering plants than planting), I have decided to re-do our garden set instead. I wanted to invest on few pieces that will make the garden more inviting and more like a retreat in time for the summer season. I want to devote a corner where NJ can play and another corner where I can have my peace and finally finish the paperback I have been holding for 3 months now. With that, I imagine the sunny days, lying outdoors, under a shade, reading a book.

As I looked for design inspiration, I have come across some pictures of the garden settings that complemented the landscape design in Scottsdale AZ. The weather there is kind of similar to my location; clear sunny days, clear starry nights. The furniture were kind of inviting and perfectly designed for sunny weather.
Until this pending storm decides to clear out, I am sticking my hands on some garden work…that is, garden furniture arranging work… Now, I can’t wait to start…

Crazy Silence

As we come to realize something of value in our life, fate always give us a moment to think about everything we have reached and done so far. I call these moments – the moments of SILENCE. It is in this part that we rewind and freeze and analyze every action we have done to resolve our current issues. It is during these times that we rationalize our actions or realize that we made a big mistake. To me, moments of silence are tests to my sanity. For as long as I can remember, I have never been a patient person. My personality is deficient of patience.

Moments of silence give me the time to sit back and just observe the effects of my decision. It gives me the time to think and rethink every decision I have made. So far, I don’t feel regret, but I don’t feel good either. You know when you get the hunch that something is amiss, that is what I feel right now.

SILENCE…it brings a person to the brink of insanity…makes people like me run unwelcome thoughts…happy thoughts, painful thoughts, grim thoughts…expectations…hope…faint hope that gives me all the reason to hang on



from the series of life’s expressions…

“SILENCE”

By Wendastarr

I am in nowhere special

I am wandering
Too long finding answers
I have made too many wrongs
I have shed too many tears

I rest my weary heart now…

I wish there was a map
To tell me the way
I am much too tired
Walking alone

I look forward to the day
When I would settle down
Lay on my laurels
And just live day by day

By then I will take a hike
On the valley by dawn
And by the time sun sets
I shall be in a special place called home

…home

Baby, the time will come
Be patient, bear some more
I will be coming home
I will be coming home to you…

Somehow, some day
I will walk by your side
I was just hoping
To share coffee with you in each stride.

Will I recognize you
Do you know me still
The future looks vague
But it holds promise…coming home

Soon…it will be home

But for now…let me be
Let me be myself
Let me get lost
To find myself
Explore
Enjoy some more
Live!

My promise is told…it will be home soon…


...FROM THE SERIES OF EXPRESSIONS

"HOPE"

BY WENDASTARR

The Piano

As I was browse through the internet, finding old but great movies I failed to watch...I came across such a moving video from the movie The Piano...the video featured flashes of the scenes in the movie with a melody that found its way to my weary heart...enjoy

STAY AWAY FROM BROKEN PEOPLE

Many times, during your personal reflections, you see yourself playing a stupid part to serve “the common good”. Perhaps your naiveté tells that that is an act of unrestrained unconditional love that makes you great, as a person, as a lover. Well here’s an eye opener. For a person picturing love and sacrifice as the greatest act that will put meaning your life, that’s plain stupidity.
Life is harsh, life is never good. It brings a little happiness at some point, only to draw more anguish the next. Well that is the reality of life…

A killer was once asked, how do you control your victims…

He said…"simple, I give them hope…as I torture their bodies, as I deliver excruciating and deathly pain to their being I feel control over their life. I feel so powerful, so above the world…when I see they can’t bear no more, I release the torture…I talk to them…making them think they buy time to think of something to escape me or to give her rescuer precious time to get to her. That’s dumb. I make promises, I give her room to breath for a while, I give her a little hope for survival…believe me, she’ll do anything you ask for that…hope…people are so fragile…they dwell on the littlest amount of hope to survive, not thinking of the big picture, is it worth it. If my life is a string away from ending, where will that hope bring me?..it's me who ends it anyway...giving hope, it's got an understated power over people...that keeps me from killing...that keeps me living...that keeps me hoping...

No one sucks the life out of you, it is the reality that sucks life from you. Hope is the escape you call love, love that makes the world worth living for some, love that makes the world crazy, love that makes crazy people kill, love that puts crazy people into this world...love that puts good people in pain...

Now tell me, what is your definition of love…of life…of hope?

...FROM THE SERIES OF EXPRESSIONS

"ANGST"

BY WENDASTARR

I AM DONE

I wager that I will be lonely in the next few months. That would be an exchange to some real freedom from the main LOS*R in my life. I have done everything to make this work and I mean everything…all the understanding I have got and all the pain I could bear, still, I am treated like some lump shit rolling right at the middle of the street. So I have decided, NO MORE LOS*RS IN MY LIFE. I am done understanding…I am done pleasing YOU big bag of nothing…YOU tell me YOU are tired…well here’s what tired is….I AM THROUGH WITH ALL these nonsense!!! I AM THROUGH WITH ALL YOUR S**T!!!

They said special ones should bring out the best in YOU. I disagree. They bring out every ounce of badness in you until you give up. The extent to which you will tolerate yourself being the worst you could imagine is the real measurement of what love really is. With that, I am giving up this part of my life, this supposed to be “special thing” that gave me hope that something good will come out of your MONSTER!!! But now I give up, to serve better realities of life…to save the little amount of goodness I feel is what’s left of ME.

I am not in shape to put sense into my head right now. I wallow in anger, just these repressed feelings that I am keeping just to make way for romantic antics to work, but it did not work. So now, I feel stupid and just plain bad…I am MAD. ‘YOU FEELING ME?!


...THE FIRST PIECE OF THE SERIES OF EXPRESSIONS

"ANGUISH"

BY WENDASTARR

A Tribute to the Mothers all over the World

produced by Magnum Photos

A Mother's Day Tribute

Hello everyone, with all my article assignments leaning on the special celebration of mother's day, I have decided the best materials I found. I hope all mothers out ther would enjoy these...



MORE THAN A MOTHER

When God set the world in place,
when He hung the stars up in space,
when He made the land and the sea,
then He made you and me.

He sat back and saw all that was good,
He saw things to be as they should.
Just one more blessing He had in store;
He created a mother, but whatever for?

He knew a mother would have a special place
to shine His reflection on her child's face.
A mother will walk the extra mile
just to see her children smile.
She'll work her fingers to the bone
to make a house into a home.

A mother is there to teach and guide,
a mother will stay right by your side.
She'll be there through your pain and strife,
she'll stay constant in your life.

A mother will lend a helping hand
until you have the strength to stand.
She'll pick you up when you are down,
when you need a friend she'll stick around.

A mother is one who listens well,
will keep her word; will never tell.

A mother never pokes or pries
but stands quietly by your side,
giving you the strength you need,
encouraging you to succeed.

A mother is one who can be strong
when you need someone to lean on.

You're more than a mother to me;
a reflection of Him in your face I see,
a love that knows no boundaries.

I'm glad that you chose to be
all this and more to me.
You share a love that knows no end,
you're more than my mother,
you are my friend.


~By Kari Keshmiry~

NJ's adventure

HAPPY AYE?!!!

I hate messing up

I hate messing up.
Even as a child, I was hands on to everything that I needed to do. Sounds confusing right? But then, most children with a complete set get help in doing things that they needed to do either in school or in everything else. They may be assisted in preparing their notebooks and stuff; they are assisted registering their name in the school’s list of enrollees while I am left to fend for myself…always.
This morning, that old feeling of “I hate messing” just came to realization without comprehensible reason, perhaps because I needed to do a bulk of articles later on and the projects are somewhat demanding that makes me feel so anxious right now. I hate messing up because since I am responsible for myself, I was left to fend for myself at an early age, messing up would mean messing up ME.
I can’t rely on no one to take care of me, that is why in the slightest mistake that I make, I realize that those mistakes will ultimately fall on me and just me. I don’t want that. Just like anyone else who is parenting themselves, they would want everything to be done right. Because if not, who else will?
Even sometimes, I am doubting if I am doing the parenting thing right…sometimes I am anxious if my son would end up like me, a completely insecure and complex person that always needed reassurance that everything will be alright…I know no one can achieve perfection but hey, I just wanted the best for myself, especially for my son. What kind of person would not want that?
It just bothers me that I have repressed so many of my childhood memories and I did not even have enough pictures to tell me stories on how I performed during my kindergarten years. I have forgotten what it’s like being a child. I am not sure if I was happy as a child. I am not sure if I raised myself well enough to say, “I am complete no matter what”. Why else would these ugly feelings come out now?
Or maybe, I just needed more of that “growing up” time to feel better in time.

summer adventure

just so you know where Mamay and Buboy have gone so far...