THE GREATEST WEEKEND OF ALL

The past two days were like heaven for me. I turned off my phone…I never went online…I just slept and played with my son…That’s my definition of heaven. Enough sleep, fun time with my son and spaghetti. That’s it!

I’ve done great in school, I have earned enough, my son is healthy…is it not enough reason to reward myself for a job well done? All I was asking is enough sleep. So there I was. I even got the chance to hear every song that my son has learned. Boy I was surprised to have missed that much! I never realized that he has grown so fast. My baby…is now a kid! Time surely flies by unnoticed.

I have chanced upon an Ugly Betty Marathon, a Charlize Theron and Johnny Depp movie (I can’t remember the title), and a CSI weekend marathon…boy that was great!

In the afternoon, I spared time to stroll by the beach with my son, just easing up from all the fuss that I do everyday. Even at that moment, the tranquility of the beach got me.

Simple as it may seem, I was quite the break that I have been looking for. An escape that I look forward to doing again.

Now You Tell me

Often, I become lost to the things that need my attention. Everything is a big balancing act. Sometimes, I just wanted to freeze the moment, just for me to catch my breath. I just have this lurking feeling that something is amiss. I might have overlooked something and I don’t know what it is. What I know is just I am doing everything I can to face every day with all its challenge, and manage to end the day accomplishing everything that need to be finished-wrapped and polished.

I am using all my energy making things work. But hey, not everything has to come from me. Not everything has to come from me. I am no machine and relationships do not work with only one end functioning. It must be real work. So I don’t care if you are too tired by the end of the day to remember that we’re here, just check on us and make sure that we’re okay. I am fed up with all the routine rap. So please don’t appeal to my guilts and convince me that you are at the suffering end of our worlds, you have not yet got a taste of what my suffering has been. So don’t go ranting you’re available and expect that we’ll come rushing by and grab the chance to kiss your ass. Life does not work that way.

All I wanted is a little effort. I am busting my veins all day and all I get is one liner nonsense. I am fed up. I am burnt out. For now, I am entitled to be a bitch. For now, I refuse to care…safer that way…no complications…no nothing.

For now, I am taking a break. To hell with all the mess coming by my life, I deserve a break. When I mean break, I mean time…time to spend taking care of ME and not of everybody else. Life’s a bitch anyway….AND SO AM I. BIGTIME!!!

Priorities

Time and time again, I often find myself in struggle on priorities. When I say I work, I say that it is for my kid. Being alive, I say that I am doing everything for my kid. But when it comes to situations where I would decide on which one to prioritize, whether its work or my child, I am surprised for it is a struggle for me to make the decision. Why don’t I immediately attend to my son and say that to hell with everything else? After all, he is number one in my life.

We are in the hospital right now. My son is vomiting and poo-pooing and has a temperature of 40 degrees. And amidst the people who are worrying about my son’s condition, I am more concerned about how the bill would dent my savings. Well, that’s the truth. I feel so guilty that I am thinking about other things than him feeling okay. I love my son and I do hope that he is already feeling alright but what am I to do? Although money is less important, it is still important.

You know, my son being hospitalized is just the icing on the cake of everything that happens to me right now. Maybe I need to dance upon the gods just to do away with bad luck. When they say: “when it rains, it pours” I believe that. Seems like bad luck has favored controlling my fate somehow. Crazy right? But I think so because it is how I feel right now. But what matters is, my son is okay.

In the past, one of my sisters has given me the greatest advice. She said that among every problem in the world, money problems is the easiest to find solution. Now I know why. Because when you look for a job, you will find it. Sometimes, it would just come when you needed it most. Compared to other problems, you can control the factors that cause money problems. Come to think of it, compare money with love and family problems and it will surely become inferior.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my son…dearly. He is all that matters to me. I am not counting the ways by which I have to sacrifice some part of me time and time again for his welfare. Because the fact is, he is actually giving me more than what I give him. He is actually giving me valuable life lessons that make me a better person and a better mother for him.

From an immature and inexperienced mom, I have become more of a mature woman, facing responsibilities head-on, and always knowing where her priorities lie. Thanks to inopportune times like this, I am learning more and more about how to survive bad luck, and life. It may sound silly but sometimes, it really needs to hit my head just to make it think straight. Because sometimes, I tend to become preoccupied by things or by people who matters less in my life.

To my son, I am eternally grateful for you. You are making me a better person every day. I promise that after you have recovered, I will take you somewhere special, just the two of us, bonding with at all the precious time that we can spare.

FLY

You may be puzzled why I titled my entry to an insect and a pest for that matter. Well, that is how I am describing my son lately. But it’s not the pest part; it is the hovering around part that makes me think of him being a fly anyway. Haha. Every time he finds me deep into my writing routine, he tends to fool around. Either he unplugs something or he pushes every button that he can reach in my computer. After losing a total of 3 articles and having to re-format my computer, all I have I a sigh, deep breath and a treat to my favorite ice cream flavor to appease my boiling temper. Kids these days, we all tend to underestimate what they are capable of. Maybe he is just too smart for his own good but on the other hand, maybe he is just trying out his smarts and showing it off to Mamay. You know, people say that patience is a virtue. But I am pulling strings every after strings that snap just to put patience on everything and every stunt that my son does. I am not complaining or anything, it’s just that sometimes I feel like I am losing my sanity comprehending everything that my son does for fun. Although it may seem like he is at play, every broken vase or damaged items in the house is already getting through my nerves.

But you know, every time he smiles at me, he is working wonders. Seems like this is the only way he consoles me every time I turn red because of containing my anger or temper. It’s really hard to show your dark side to children for they might copy it. I should know because I am already hearing one of my favorite curses muttered by my son. LINTIAS!
You may blame me but I can’t help it. I am just being expressive right? Okay it is really my bad…

I just can’t think of a thing to explain why he tends to hover around my computer every time I am close to meeting my deadlines. And when he does that, it is quite a struggle to keep my cool. Anyhow, this little tyrant of mine is teaching me a lot of things. He always emphasize that patience is a virtue. Sometimes, I worry that maybe my son has an ADHD. But he responds to people well. He also knows when to behave and when to put his charms on. He just quite a rascal lately, maybe because I spend more time at home. Maybe it is his way of making up for all the lost times. But mind you, I am not complaining. Every time I am gifted by his sweet kiss and tight hug, I feel alright.

So now I hear him coming right now, dragging his Lola’s slippers with him… I am praying that this is just a stage, and that this stage will pass. I just wanted end this entry with his famous line, the line that never fails to appease me every after broken glasses, vases and plates. “Mama?! Mahal na mahal kita…”- this may be a result of too much TV but who could ever resist that?!

My Angels

After losing my job, I have discovered a lot about myself. Well, if I am very frustrated, my temper always tends to skyrocket. It’s like unleashing the storm that you are holding inside, just to release every bad feeling. I was treated unjustly that’s why, and it has been a rotten decision to have befallen my pride. So to the dancing King and his comrades, you suck big time. What kind of leadership is that? You simply suck!!!

Wow! What a release!!! Hahahaha!!!

Before I go on the series of ranting nonsense, maybe it’s wiser to have every grudge bottled up and shipped straight to hell. Just take care of these pigs alright?!

Because I am too busy being loyal and being a hard worker for such a thankless job, I have taken for granted a lot of people. And to my shame, these people were the ones who have helped me surpass all the bitterness that I have been holding on to. My only regret is that I haven’t spent enough time forging friendships, friendships that were more fulfilling than being loyal to this blood sucking company. I know karma will find time to visit them somehow.

When I felt that I had nowhere and nobody else to go, these people extended their hand and extended their time putting out the anger in me. Experiencing the same tragedy, these people made me realize that there is no point holding on to the grudge. Instead, they have convinced by that what happened was actually a good thing. Thanks to my angels, I have found ways to actually take care of my school, allowance and most especially my family. Now, I own my time and I can make anything out of it without having to lose as sorely as what recently have happened. To my angels, no words can express my gratitude; I need not say all your names because you know who you are. I just wanted to say that out of the experience, my greatest joy was that having to found friends in all of you; you were such a blessing that made me come through all these. And with that, I can have my peace. Thanks so much!

Charging Forward

After feeling bitter for the past few weeks, I have finally come to my senses. There’s no point wondering about things that you don’t hold any control. There’s also no point finding reasons for everything that has happened because such mystery makes all your shortcomings, mistake or every trial worth reminiscing. In due time, I know that I will finally realize for which reasons things have happened. But for now, I am charging forward.

I really like the phrase moving forward, that’s how I describe my life right now. I don’t like to call it moving on for it entails no definite direction or purpose. I am fortunate to have set all my priorities before the storm and I am also fortunate to have drafted the direction where I want to lead my life. You see, I am not alone. I have all these angels by my side to guide me through. Surprisingly, I have taken these people for granted through the days that I felt glorious about my work. But after the fall, these people were the ones who supported me and helped me nurse my burning pride.

I have always said to my friends that I am a sore loser, especially when I put myself in any situation to win, to succeed. I believed that hard work is eventually translated into gains with which I can secure positions that I have been dreaming of. But sadly, things does not always work that way because for every success and for every joy that you find or discover in this life, there will always be something and someone who would want to ruin everything you have worked for. There will always be something and someone that will threaten every good thing that you have. So what must I do? Find fulfillment in your life. Fulfillment should not depend on job positions or money or on anybody. I must be deeply rooted upon you for in this world, snakes are abundant and betrayals are of becoming part of normalcy. Nobody else will treat you right and justly but yourself.

Moving Forward

If I had the power to turn back time
I won't use it...
Never will I have that power for it wouldn’t right
What I regret is how my loyalty was wasted
How hours of hard work was thrown just like that.
Everything seems so fake
But if things like this never happened
We wouldn’t have challenges and we wouldn’t learn from our mistakes
...and from other's stupidities
Fate can be good, however it can also be bad,
It can make some people very happy and others very sad
Some things happen in life and we can’t figure out why
Sometimes it becomes so unfair that all we want to do is cry
We can often be caught up in nothing but confusion
This inevitably leads to problems and also disillusions
letting go is hard
It can sometimes mean swallowing your pride and taking of your mask
Healing does take time for the my pride and faith in people to repair
It can often mean finding happiness, whilst still holding on to that despair
In situations like this
Getting hold of the past is pointless
why make the pain and betrayal last?
By learning to let go
You are putting your predicament behind you
Thus closing an old door and starting anew

When injustive falls

it saddens me that everybody is moving out of the circle that we all used to share. what a nightmare this day is. it pains me to even say anything about the issue here in the office, but i know that everything will fall into place...

we all lost our job today! but this is an eye opener to me...how did i even bear with this thankless job? i put my sweat and blood doing everything that needs to be done. I complied with everything, i stood long hours...and yet. this is just the perfect ending right?

what i realized is that, in a working arena, keeping jobs is like playing chess. not because of the game itself, but because people are treated as these chips of wood whose fates can be controlled and whose bodies can be played around..

i hate when BIG people take control and play with us, SMALL people...i just hate the injustice and disrespect. I cannot think of a day being in their shoes. My conscience will be torn into pieces...i am emotional right now, yeah right...but it in a matter of time, i know i will and i can get over this. i can rise again from this vicious fall.

these people can strip me off my job, but they can never put down my spirit. my pity goes to them, to the people hanging on to their jobs...that in any minute...everything could snap off.

i am too angry i cannot breathe...i am just depressed...

for YOU

Zelle - Search For Warmth 09 Ikaw Ang Hanap
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Kids...they grow up so FAST...hmmm...

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Updating Friends

so what happened in the last four years
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as for me...I've made friends, found God and found Love
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In Our Moments or Weakness

Confidence, skills and success. These are three things that we get out of long working hours, hard work, talent and pure luck. Sometimes, it takes years to surpass the trials that come by these three aspects of life. Years of hard work…years of rewarding work…but suddenly…what took years to build….was shattered in a moment…a moment of struggle…a trying moment…a moment of weakness.

It’s frustrating to lose control over the things that we took pride of having…that we took pride of acquiring…Robbing people of the things that once convinced them that they are doing fine, is the harshest thing to do in a person…shattering their confidence can’t compensate for what we are lacking…it will not even help you convince how better YOU are in any aspect of life. The truth is…the endurance of doing such is only driven by an insolent soul...or maybe someone who've lost vision of what compassion and objectivity are.

Who says life is fair…and who are we to make it unfair? Who are we to put people down…we are no better than anybody…we also suck at things occasionally.

It takes love, passion and enthusiasm to stay committed to our tasks…yet occasionally, the flow of nature will go against the direction that we are heading…making it harder to move on and go forward…testing our endurance…

Succumbing to the trials that occasionally come into our lives can easily convince us to give up…making us quit is the idea of trials anyway…trials define our substance…trials exist to test our character and ideals…whoever stays…whoever survives…will be rewarded in his own rights.

In this life…it doesn’t matter how vast our weaknesses are…but how strong our strengths are…our moments of weakness makes us realize where our strengths lie…our weaknesses may shame us…but our courage to get up and pull things together will always bring us back on track.

Embracing Love

It’s really comforting when you have something to hold on in a relationship. Whatever trouble may come, it’ll just pass because it can never shatter a strong foundation that has forged the love between you and your man. The thing is that, complications are things that we only put upon ourselves. While people may say their opinions about how things go between the two of you, what matters is that the ties that keeps you together continues to reinforce whatever reasons you have for staying together.

Nothing can shatter a love that has perished a number of storms…and people who threaten its very existence. When things get out of hand, step back and reflect. Think of the more important things that will still convince you that every effort to save the relationship is worth it. Although problems and situations may strike our ego and pride…compromises must be made just to save whatever love is left…love stays…love survives…and only when you give in to reason, shall end everything that comes with it.

Feeling distraught about every problem that comes with our relationships means that we question our love…we question our quest to move on from every mistake and every trial that we step out of. What’s important is that we are sure of this person…no distance can change everything that the two of you have worked so hard for. No person can ever replace or compensate for every faults and shortcoming that you discover that your partner has. Nothing can replace each other…that is, if love is true and unconditional.

Once in a while, however smart we are, we do stupid things to save our relationships. For me, it’s not normal. Rather, it’s the greatest way of experiencing life…that you are living the realities of life. Threading every emotion and problem or overcoming life's situations will only be possible if you give in to love. Love never fails to make the best of what we have. Although love can destroy us, love is what makes us grow and become better people. Love makes us explore…love may hurt…but love is what brings everything good in life…and everything good, comes with hard work.

There’s no better love story than our own. If you are destined for each other, then nothing can separate the two of you. To make relationships work, you have to jump over the barriers or complications created by age, time, distance, character, money, mistakes, reason, raw emotions…and situations that makes us forget of our PRIDE. I believe that there’s no success in love for it is a continuous process…a continuous struggle to keep each other and make something good blossom out of each other’s character. Love is a continuous process...because if you end trying…life is bland.

for NJ

June 4, 2005

At 10:15 PM, I finally gave birth to a little boy. But because I was sedated, I failed to lay eyes on my baby because my body gave in to the fatigue of bearing more than 12 hours of excruciating pain due to contraction…

When I first woke up, I wondered where I was…wearing a hospital gown and a little disoriented…my first words were “tapos na?!”

So I wondered…where was the baby?
The nurse said, “He’s in the nursery, puntahan mo na lang sya if nacarecover ka na ng lakas…rest muna po kayo?”

4:00AM. I forced myself into a wheel chair, which happens to be placed beside my hospital bed. While my sister “on-guard” is asleep, I sneaked into the elevator to find where the hospital’s nursery is located. To my dismay, I found out that it was on the next floor…so clutching my weak knees, I forced myself to go to the elevator and head where that damn nursery is.

So I was there, at the door, telling the nurse “on-shift” that I was dying to see my baby. And with a smirk on my face, I asked, “miss, lalaki ba talaga?”

Laughing, the nurse said, ”halika po tingnan nyo na”.

When I first saw the baby, it was like meeting another person…Although I know that I’m his mother, I am still in denial that my responsibilities is deeply spelled in this peacefully sleeping baby. So I held him close, observed, and even peeked into his diaper to see if he is really a boy. You see, our family is dominated by females. So I never expected that I was carrying a boy. And having a boy of my own, I was deeply satisfied.

From that day, I got hooked to that baby, that little tyrant of mine. Whenever he “screams” (he never did cry you know) for milk, I immediately fix what was needed just to shut him up. My head is spinning every time he asks/demands what is needed to be fixed. And whenever I ‘m on the verge of losing my patience, I just thought that “hey, maybe he is smart, he demands what he needs and knows how to get it. That settles me somehow…

One…two…three years later…I find comfort in observing this peacefully sleeping little boy beside me. Our small bed brings us closer every night. Our little world made both of us grow out of the trials and hardships that comes with being a parent and a child of a messed up mamay. Our occasional treats to Jollibee has tightened our inexplicable lust for spaghetti and fries. We survived the tantrums, the spanking, the yelling and the arguments over meals or tv programs that we are watching. What I appreciate during those times is that he still relies on me for everything that he needs. Two…three years after this, maybe it will not be the same…maybe things will be different…but I will always be his mamay.

Having learned his ABCs, numbers and a little bit of kid songs…having learned his devotion for Mr. Bean, this little boy will always have a special place in my heart…in my life…he means everything to me…as I hope that I am everything to him. But one thing that will not change is that we survived everything together. As much as I wanted to, I will always guide this boy through everything that he need to or choose to experience…as he has guided me, in his own little ways.

Every time I go to work, I am driven and motivated to do more every time he gives me a big hug, goodbye kiss, and his cute “ingat!!” as I climb into my daily pedicab ride. What more can I ask for in this life? I am blessed, I am eternally grateful for experiencing everything I had to…raising a child.

This is for you NJ. To the greatest kid a mother could have…I love you so much son…thank you for everything…although you may not think of it…you gave me more than what I gave you…I love you son!!! Happy birthday!!

movie review

The movie was blah!

the other Boleyn sister...was kind of shortened...fast-paced in a poor way...but still, dear Nat was at her best...

I found in interesting how sexual torture can control a man's disposition over things that matter more than anything else.

The only thing I liked about the movie was that it has showed how a greedy family suffers, faces tragedy and becomes utterly foolish over money and power...and how karma works on selfish people...

The Other Boleyn Girl

This movie is actually based from a novel written by a British author, Philippa Gregory. What? Me? Interested in a movie depiction of a 16^th century-set novel? Haha! Noooo.

What attracted moi to this movie is its stellar cast. Once again, I had the chance to swoon over his Royal handsome-Highness, Eric Bana!!! I am definitely a fan… It’s just that I never found a more masculine picture of a man with a gritty beardy face…it’s soooo hot!!!

Anyways, I always had this lesbian crush over Natalie Portman. She is such a sweetheart. Among other young Hollywood actress, this gal has depicted the boldest and most interesting movie characters. Yet she manages to keep a low profile, making her talent do the talking. This Harvard graduate thespian is definitely the next Julia Roberts!! Though she may be struggling over her fashion choices, you can’t deny her likeness to Aubrey Hepburn.

And the boobsy Scarlett Johanson. Well, what else is there to say. Great body. Great face. Great voice? I really hate her record though. I can’t get over the nightmare of having to watch the AOL streaming of her live performance. I was really shocked. As in…whoah wuhzzz dattt!!!

Enough of the harsh talk…just watch the movie…I’ll follow this up with a review.

anxiety attacks...

"A person experiencing anxiety condition finds it difficult to control the feelings of worry and fear. The thing about people with anxiety disorder is that they actually know that what they think of feel is not real and that they are just made-up. "

Manageable symptoms are:
o Palpitations, a pounding of heart, or an accelerated heart rate
o Increased sweating
o Trembling or shaking
o Shortness of breath
o Chest pain or discomfort
o Nausea or stomach discomfort
o A feeling light-headedness, or faint
o A feeling of unreality
o Depersonalization or a feeling of being detached from oneself
o Fear of losing control or going crazy
o Fear of dying
o Numbness, or a tingling sensation
o Chills
o Feeling of impending doom

worse...

o Insomnia
o Irritability
o Inability to concentrate
o Fear of going crazy or dying
o Feeling unreal and not in control of your behavior

...just noticed that people are clinging on their toes lately... It's really difficult to thread over unpredictable waters...or maybe I'm suffering my own panic attacks...

so let's work this out people!!!

...take a moment...

....ready!

...loosen up!

...breathe in...

...

...
...LET GO!!!!

"HI...HELLO...YOU'RE GREAT!!"

I don’t know why I have this tendency of rooting for everybody else so they can make themselves feel better. I just feel that I can see beyond what these appear and act. Although I may easily notice sudden changes, good changes that is, for people wearing good clothes, cute items, and everything that is admirable, I just feel that noticing these things will help make them feel better about themselves. I disagree that what I do is flattery. Trust me; I don’t even know how to define flattery. What I see, what I observe, what I don’t like, I say. Haha! Just imagine the effort these people have made to improve themselves. Isn’t that commendable? Doesn’t that deserve any attention? Once in a while, I feel that I am making my life harmonious by learning to lessen my cynical thoughts and increasing my appreciation to every good that happens around me. After all, people are still people, depriving them of the knowledge that they are just fine and okay wouldn’t hurt me right? Besides, what I say is TRUE. I wouldn’t even comment on anything that I don’t feel or that I’m not convinced of. Why would I do that? I’m not making harmonious relationships by being a true blue PLASTIC. I feel that I may sometimes sound too self-righteous or too sure about myself by having the confidence to stand up and say that ”hey, you look good today!” or “hey, where did you get that from?” or “hey, what did you do to your hair, it’s nice!”. I hope I haven’t offended anybody by doing that. All I wanted to say is that, you simply rock! You are doing great. Thriving, confident and unique! So, regards to these people. You make make each day interesting for me.

Tag Mania

Thanks Precilla, here it goes...

Here are the rules for this one..

Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months (see below)
Pick your month of birth.
Highlight the traits that apply to you.
Tag 12 people and let them know that know by visiting their blog and leaving a comment for them.
Let the person who tagged you know when you've done it.


THE MONTHS AND TRAITS:

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others.Revengeful! Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Takes high pride in oneself. Too generous and egoistic. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

(haha, this is me)
NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance (Bikol. Translation- “para-santigwar”). Can become good doctors (eek!). Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets (Fil. Translation: “chismosa”). Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient (never). Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked (translation: masama magalit) Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities (I like to think so). Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable. -(TUMPAK!!)


DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Just wanted to share an exciting news.

Finally, I have enrolled myself under a college undergraduate program. Though this means tremendous adjustments in my daily routine, little sacrifices must be made to charge little by little towards reaching my ultimate goal…a college diploma. Don’t get me wrong, I have already earned 90% of the required units of my previous college course. However, I felt that I wasn’t fit and driven enough to finish the program. I feel grateful that I was given the chance to finally pursue what I really wanted to do…and that was writing.

Getting a job as a writer was one of the liberating experiences of my life. I never thought of having a career related to writing, not even in my plans. But fate led me to where I am, and I was grateful to have found were my passion lies. Getting the fundamental courses of what I professionally do today would really help me become more confident and effective in what I do. And I am thankful for the chance that I finally made time and effort to pursue what needs to be done.

It’s really difficult to come out of where you have become already comfortable. I’ve already secured a job and a relationship to make me complete. But my ambition of earning a diploma continues to haunt me. Or maybe, I just feel like education is still an unfinished business in my life. But what the heck! I am officially a student now. And that means long hours in Legazpi City and less at home…less with my growing little boy.

I am a bit worried that I might neglect my little boy. But my family (‘d grandpas and grandmas and titas) have already assured me of their assistance, if necessary. I really am lucky to have these people as my family. Always supportive. Always understanding. Anyways, I still have weekends, semestral breaks, Christmas break, vacation break, and holidays to make up, ayt?

Everything I do now is dedicated to Him. He is the force and inspiration in everything that MAMAY does. So what seems to be a problem…anxiety attacks maybe.

Moving on, I really am excited to go back to school. Learning that only 10% of the courses that I have already taken were credited, must I be disheartened? I just see it as a challenge. A fresh start where I can undo my past mistakes. So I’ll just give it a go, from start to finish. Fighting, struggling, and dreaming are the things that define life anyways.

At this point, nothing can stop a struggling, striving and thriving MAMAY anymore.

DOUBTS...

Doubts will always cripple forged relationships

Relationships that are founded on trust and desperate circumstances are often lasting. Why? Because it has endured the ultimate test of loyalty. Even tiny bit of doubt can shatter a life-long entanglement. It is an issue lurking to be uncovered when you least expect it…when your guard is all down…and when everything else seems fine. Once in a while, I always thought if I need to do things right? I may mess up in everything that I do but I must value the people who truly stood by me in all the drama of my life. But still, I try to hold on to people who, I think, have hope of reliving my trust. But why should I give a thought about that? When I am all convinced that enough was said and done…is the effort still worth such relationship? Can’t fading trust be regained? If trust is lost, can it still be regained? I can’t tell, but what I know I that it has already changed…relationships can still grow, but it will never be the same…IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME…existing fear of recurrence of the things that caused the trust to fail will hinder the roots of growing relationships to dig deeper. THIS I KNOW.

If doubt is still there, where should I go? What should I do? Where will that leave me? Is it all worth it? THAT I DON’T KNOW…YET…’till then.

The Fighter in ME

I have come this far…I’ll never back down no matter what.
I am a fighter…my scars are my armor.
My fears are my shield and my weaknesses are my guide.
I am strong enough to hurt and fight back.
I am able to harm, as much as other things/people can do to me
I am able to put scars, as my scars have defined ME.
I am shameless, bold and fierce!
I can do everything I want.
Most of all, I am whole.
From all the battles I have faced in my life…
I am whole
Forged by hatred and immortalized by love.
I am whole…
Shattered by pain yet molded by fear.
I am still alive…
I shall remain a fighter for as long as I can
I define my life…as to what I can make of it.
My life is my garden
No futile earth can put off the fire in me…
I will conquer my fears.
I will handle my conflicts.
I’ll find solutions to my problems…
And shall do away with things/people
That does not work for me.
For I have the power
Over everything else in my life
I am great
I am just fine
I am never better
For I strive for the best.
Fighter
That’s ME…

The Facts...of LOVE

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
-Albert Einstein

The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
-Allan K. Chalmers

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.
-Amy Bloom

If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough.
-Ann Landers

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.
-Barbara de Angelis

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.
-Blaise Pascal

Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.
-Carl Jung

Tell me who admires and loves you,
And I will tell you who you are.
-Charles Audustin Sainte-Beuve

Life is a quest and love a quarrel ...
-Edna St. Vincent Millay

The love we give away is the only love we keep.
-Elbert Hubbard

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.
-Elie Wiesel

Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
-Franklin P. Jones

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
-Georg C. Lichtenberg

To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
-George MacDonald

Your body needs to be held and to hold, to be touched and to touch. None of these needs is to be despised, denied, or repressed. But you have to keep searching for your body's deeper need, the need for genuine love. Every time you are able to go beyond the body's superficial desires for love, you are bringing your body home and moving toward integration and unity.
-Henri Nouwen

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
-Ingrid Bergman


Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
-Mark Twain


Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.
-Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
-Robert Heinlein

Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...
-Rose Walker

I love you
Not only for what you are
But for what I am
When I am with you
-Roy Croft

You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; and just so, you learn to love by loving. All those who think to learn in any other way deceive themselves.
-Saint Francis de Sales

Where there is love, there is pain.
-Spanish proverb

Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
-St. Augustine

Love doesn't just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.
-Ursula K. Leguin

Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.
-Washington Irving

Love, I find, is like singing. Everybody can do enough to satisfy themselves, though it may not impress the neighbors as being very much.
-Zora Neale Hurston

more interesting quotes..

When you are in any contest you should work as if there were, to the very last minute, a chance to lose it.
-Dwight Eisenhower

I wish TV had a knob so you could turn up the intelligence. The one marked Brightness doesn't work.
-Leo Gallagher

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
-Robert Frost

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.
-Robert Frost

Are you bored with life? Then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it, and you will find happiness that you had thought could never be yours.
-Dale Carnegie

Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.
-Stephen King

When you play, play hard; when you work, don't play at all.
-Theodore Roosevelt

It behooves every man to remember that the work of the critic is of altogether secondary importance, and that, in the end, progress is accomplished by the man who does things.
-Theodore Roosevelt

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
-Thomas Edison

I do not know anyone who has got to the top without hard work. That is the recipe. It will not always get you to the top, but should get you pretty near.
-Margaret Thatcher

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
-Confucius

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
-Mark Twain

The dictionary is the only place that success comes before work. Hard work is the price we must pay for success. I think you can accomplish anything if you're willing to pay the price.
-Vince Lombardi

There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there.
-Indira Gandhi

I am a strong believer in luck and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.
-Benjamin Franklin

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
-Fred Allen

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.
-Dale Carnegie

I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth.
-Carl Sandburg

So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work.
-Peter Drucker

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
-Bertrand Russell

Envy can be a positive motivator. Let it inspire you to work harder for what you want.
-Sallust

though of the day

I got this message from a friend:

PHYSIOLOGICAL FACT:

All emotional pain lasts for 12 minutes...anything longer than that is self-inflicted.

HR email...

E-MAIL ONE

Attention: Human Resources

Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Joe takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping
coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Joe can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Joe be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible.

Regards,
Project Leader


E-MAIL TWO

Attention: Human Resources

Joe Smith was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines [1, 3, 5, etc.] for my true assessment of his ability.

Regards,
Project Leader

JARGON facts..

Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summer job or a long time veteran looking for a change of pace, this JOB SEARCH JARGON should help you get on your way...

COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

FLEXIBLE HOURS:
Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want you to do.

ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD:
You whine, you're fired.

CAREER-MINDED:
We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.

SELF-MOTIVATED:
Management won't answer questions

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend

DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:
We have a lot of turnover.

SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:
We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base salary; you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:
If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

At last...

It’s been so long since I have posted my last entry in this page…

It’s a crazy time at work so I have to focus on more important things like…well, earning a living. These past few weeks were both trying and challenging for me. I have put myself under a lot of strain with which I seem to have handled quite well (conceit, haha!!).
Often, we will be faced with challenges, be it at work or in our personal lives. I am lucky that I have a quiet personal life…at the moment. But I know that things will rattle a bit…again. Because that’s how life is supposed to be. We are meant to mess things up a bit sometimes.

While my personal life takes rest from all the drama, it’s been really a crazy time at work.
Now, I don’t have enough time to keep up with the latest gossip or to keep track with the latest movie flick…things that I take joy at the end of the day. After a tiring day at work, I feel satisfied that still; I manage to give 200% in doing every task. Maybe I simply love what I am doing. More importantly, I simply love what I do and thank all the gods for giving me this job (more conceit!!).

My only consolation is that after a tiring and stressful day, I come home to my family. I come home to people who love and support me. Most of all, I come home to my wonderful little boy, who is becoming quite a rascal of a child, just as I was during my days.

For these things, I am blessed…and will always be grateful.
Another storm is coming…I just know it.
So I try to cherish every peaceful moment that I have…while it lasts.
PEACE!!

juzz feelin' diz szong!!!

something to keep me awake in the office

anybody in a dancing mood?


Give It To Me Video

so much for blogging just to pass lots of free time

busy busy busy

if i am busy...
i am working hard
i have deadlines to meet
i love my job

and when i am busy...
i neglect many things
like watching TV
playing stupid video games
gossiping
and updating my blog account

so many things to be done
yet so little time

my only consolation

is that i have two free days in a week
to rest
eat
recharge my energy
and spend time with my loved ones
especially my son...

whew!!!

anyways, i just came across this interesting news clipping when i was looking for a photo that would go to my blog entry. Boy, i really found what i was looking for!!!

TAG TAG TAG!!!!

63 Questions
1. Song that always makes you sad? Enya songs (obviously I’m not a fan)
2. Last thing you bought? Bread pan and choco drink
3. Last person you argued with?: my son
4. Do you put Butter before putting the jelly on? no
5. One of your stuffed animals' names as a kid? Huh?
6. Did you ever own at one time a Nysnc Cd? never
7. Favorite day of the week? Sunday, csi marathon!
8. Favorite Sundae topping?: choco or fruit syrup
9. Did you take Piano lessons? Can’t afford
10. Most frequent song played? Low by flo rida
11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy? soap operas..
12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey? Neither, am never fond of team sports
13. Date someone older or younger? yes..
14. One place you would wish to travel right now? baguio
15. Do you use umbrellas? yes
16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem? no
17. Favorite Cheese? mozzarella
18. Disturbed or My Chemical Romance? neither
19. Do you prefer Blondes or Brunettes? brunettes
20. Best job you ever had? Being a writer
21. did you go to your high school prom? yes
22. perfect time to wake up? 5am
23. perfect time to go to bed? 9am
24. do you use your queen right away in chess? Sorry, I don’t play chess...
25. Ever been in a car accident? no
26. closer to mom or dad...or neither? neither
27. what age is this exciting life over for you? 40 or 50
28. what decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager?: 00's
29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned? dunno!
30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school? none
31. Were you in track and field?: no
32. Were you ever in a school talent show? yes
33. Have you ever written in a library book? yes
34. Allergic to? Dust/dust mites
35. Favorite fruit? mango
36. Have you watched sex and the city? yeah
37. Baseball hat or toque? neither
38. Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap? shampoo first
39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste?: Wet the toothbrush first
40. Pen or pencil?: pen
41. Have you ever gambled at a casino? no
42. Have you thrown up on a plane?: no
43. Have you thrown up in a car? no....
44. Have you thrown up at work? no
45. Do you scream on roller coasters? Never been to one…yet
46. Who was your first prom date? Never had a prom date
47. Who was your first roommate? candy
48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time? Colt 45
49. What was your first job? Salon assitant
50. What was your first car? none
51. When did you go to your first funeral? i don’t remember
52. How old were you when you first traveled away from your hometown? Don’t remember..
53. Who was your first grade teacher? Lina Bolaños...
54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? Legazpi
55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?: a childhood friend
56. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them? Bhem bhem, she died in 2003.
57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house? A dormitory
58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? none
59. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? i forgot
60. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Gargle/drink water
61. What was the first concert you attended?: parokya ni edgar
62. First tattoo or piercing? ear piercing
63. First celebrity crush? Devon Sawa...eeek!!...I tag everybody who reads this

someone's always saying good bye

I always hated “good byes”. As a kid, it makes me feel unwanted, unloved, and ultimately rejected. Whenever my favorite aunt comes to visit, I dread the day that she would return back to her home…far away from me. It was like taking away my happiness. I always associate “good byes” with sad memories that seem to linger on which may be the reason why I hated being alone or being by myself. I would go crazy if I would have to stay by myself. As I grew older, I leaned on friendships to survive my struggles concerning “good byes”. I hated being said good bye to. If those people who have become dear and close to my heart would deeply observe, I never look into the eye whenever I bid good bye. I hate it so much. But to my surprise, time and experiences haven’t helped me overcome such a childish mean of acquisition. I always find life more interesting with all these people surrounding me. They make me feel better. They make me feel alive. They just make me feel better about myself. And I don’t know why. Loneliness for me is madness. What I find hard to understand is that I have never addressed this issue in my life before. I just managed to feel this disdain all my life yet I could not work it out yet. Just feel and cry along with all these “good byes” in my life. I bury into nothingness, clueless and simply feeling empty. I guess I have to get over “good byes” because the world is not a good-bye-free world. Someone will always leave and may not return. But I am not a kid anymore. I am stronger now. And no matter how many “good byes” I would need to suffer, I know I am still this child that hates parting ways but is hopeful that more of “hellos” would sweeten my future encounters.

posh tags

even if i look like h*ll, I've managed to grace the cover of this mag...

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

Subscribe to Vogue Magazine at a 63% discount!

JUST KIDDING!!!

I tag all my contacts...
have fun and enjoy...

blog stuff

blogthings is really helpful to get over those long hours of thinking what to blog about next. After spending hours in finishing their prepared personality tests and gauges, I finally found something optimistic to add in this page.

Your Life is Better Than 73% of All People

You really have things pretty good - so stop a minute and appreciate how great your life is. You likely have a cheery outlook, supportive friends, and plenty to keep you happily busy. You are usually content - and with good reason. You have a lot to be happy about. So when things don't go well, remember that you have it better than most people!

How Does Your Life Compare?

Dreaming for New Exciting Movies

I have always been a movie freak…to certain extent; I have sacrificed my hard earned allowance and savings just to indulge myself into seeing movies where I can get lost into their riveting and gripping plot. Among all forms of art, I certainly lean more into movies when I have to get that artistic fix that makes my life more exciting or to find something I could proudly talk and brag about with my friends and co-workers. Maybe that is why I always find time to check out gossip columns and internet sites where movie releases are discussed at the earliest possible time. So this often leads me to sites that allow video streaming for new movie releases. Anyways, it prevents me from wasting money on nonsensical movies which would utterly hurt my budget. But what I am really looking forward to seeing is the new batman movie. Another one would be Angelina Jolie’s new assassin movie “Wanted”. And yet, I have wait to wait ages for the next Harry Potter movie. I promise to blab about the next movie I’ll go ga-ga about okay? As of now, sonic wall restrictions are getting on my nerves already. My temper really is rising right now. How I wish I could become this cool programmer that would break out from these system blocked pages and shove it to the administrator’s thick ****s.

Tag Mania

Instructions: Each player starts with 7 random habits/facts about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!

1. I really dreamt to be a lady engineer
2. I have an inexplicable lust for pasta dishes
3. I am worse than bipolar and post partum depression combined together
4. I hate inconsistencies
5. I am nursing a bad temper
6. I value discipline and orderliness (obsessive compulsive freak)
7. I am definitely a sore loser, because in anything I do, I’m in it to win it.

A- Age:24
B- Band Listening To Right Now: None in particular
C- Career: web copywriter
D- Drink or Smoke: I do both…occasionally.
E- Easiest Friends To Talk To: my siblings
F- Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: gummy worms!!
G- Have a Boyfriend: sort of
H- In love: yeah
I- Junk Food You Like: taquitos
J- Kids: NJ, my first and last!!
K- Longest Ride Ever: Ormoc City, Leyte to Bacacay, Albay
L- Most favorite websites: dlisted, imnotobsessed, inquirer.net
M- Names For Your Future Kids: I said no more
N- One Wish You Have Now: be a size 2
O- Phobias: food poisoning, bombing
P- Favorite Quote: what goes around comes around- does this count?
Q- Reasons To Smile: my adorable son, my promotion
R- Sleeping Hours: 9 pm or earlier
S- Time You Woke Up: 5am
T- Unknown Fact About You: I am a friend for keeps…don’t mess with them coz you’ll answer to the bitch.
U- Vegetable You Hate: beans
V- Worst Habit: smoking, emotional eating
W- X-rays You've Had: Chest X-ray
X-Yummy Foods: pasta and everything Italian
Y- Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

I am tagging every person who reads this okay? You are not that many so I really appreciate it! Thanks..hahaha.

slipping away

Sometimes, things get out of hand…
…because of assumptions
…because of being prejudice
…because of misunderstanding
…because of lingering faults

If so…
…reflect on the existing issues
…find space in our hearts to understand
…find time to settle our predicaments
…as they may be doing so…for us
…to be able to understand
…and clear things out
…and give room for forgiveness and closure
…for we may be granted the same

What really matters is that…
…there are people who care
…people whom we care about
…people that could make our lives troubled
…people that we may have hurt in the way
…dealing with the same things that were done to us
…people who are still willing to find peace

At the end of the day
…problems will still be there tomorrow
…memories will return
…yet having them settled
…would make things more bearable and worth living with
…and friends are never perfect
…for they bite, struggle, and fight with you most of the time
…because they know
…that certain challenges
…will only forge relationships
…that are stronger and deeper than before

What we must keep in mind…
…who says the world is fair?
…who says nobody has the right to hurt us?
…who says we are not capable of hurting others?
…who says we are adept of understanding
…even those who’ve wronged us?

Life is a cycle.
What we may have unleashed will definitely return.
In every actions done, there will always be a consequence.
Unfair or not, we must be prepared.
To accept and understand
Whatever may or may not return in our way…
…and we are no better than anybody

decoding a woman

As I have said before, I have this friend that is fond of forwarding text messages which I look forward to reading every day. This one is very timely for it aims to prevent leaving men in the cold when it comes to having arguments with their women, especially with the love virus that’s looming over us during this love month. While ladies’ thoughts are quite complicated to decode (well actually, most of the time), here are some tools to help men really understand what their partner means. So to keep your hot date, better read this MON…

When a woman says FINE, she intends to finish or end the argument. This also means she really feels that she is right and you need to shut up and take it…period.

When she tells 5 MINUTES, she actually means to say 30 minutes MINIMUM. Well, a woman need to take time fussing over her looks right? Otherwise, she wouldn’t be that ‘hot’ for you.

When everything seems not okay and not right and you ask her and she says “NOTHING”, that’s what you should fear. Usually, NOTHING is the calm before the storm. This actually means SOMETHING that should keep you on your toes. Arguments that start from NOTHING usually end up with FINE…

When you asked her permission about anything like if you could go somewhere with somebody or when you ask her about something that you need to suddenly arrange, her responding “GO AHEAD” is definitely not a good thing. This is actually a dare on you as it literally means DON’T DO IT (usually, GO AHEAD means so if it comes with the lady’s face contorting or twitching into a disgruntled form).

If you are now on a heated argument and she gives her LONG SIGH, give it up man. This means that she already thinks you’re an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time arguing with you about something that actually DOES NOT MATTER ANYMORE…ouch!!!

And lastly, here is the classic. THAT’S OKAY. When you start apologizing and promising to make up for whatever is needed to be settled between you two, having your woman say “THAT’S OKAY” is never okay. It actually means that she wants to think long and hard before she decides on how or when you will pay for your mistakes. In some cases, this basically buys her time before to she brings forth her scorn…absolutely true!

So go on and start doing things right. For the right girl, all the trouble is worth it anyway…

tough day

Now I literally know what pain in the neck really means. This stuff on my neck is killing me for days…and nights. I could not sleep or turn my head around without feeling uncomfortable. So I had to go home and find a “masahista” to remedy my problem. May this liking for traditional medicine work for me.

Anyways, my report for today would be about my pimple. Yeah, this little kingdom of germs on my forehead. I blame it on the toxins I intake every break time in the office...yeah it’s pollution and more. One thing more would still be my neck. Neck is the portion of my body that lets my thoughts and motor skills connect. It is like the flood gate of all the trashiness that reaches up my head and my face today. Why does it open up for all these monstrosity when it’s all strained and painful anyway? Again, I blame in to the toxins and pollution…stresses maybe… Aha! Maybe it is all about the pain in the neck. Maybe constricted blood veins congested nerves have cause this damn red mound on my head.

Yeah, I’m just so stressed and uptight at the moment. All these and my neck are to be blamed for this lousy entry anyways. So until I am sane and well enough to compose serious thoughts…I’ll try to meet your thoughts halfway, aye?!

The only power we refuse

Even though we are gifted with speech, it does not mean that we will always be understood. Sometimes, some cases would require us to be silent just to refrain from offending people of our feelings through feisty and hurtful speeches. Whenever we cannot determine or handle issues that come inevitable in our daily lives, we tend to shut up because it protects us from the consequences of what we may do just because we are plain pissed. However, keeping our mouth shut will also keep people at a distance so you can have moments to consider certain things and actions that need to be done apart from those driven by the present circumstances.

Just think about this…

People may learn of your struggles and understand you.
Because they care for you, they will keep their distance and give you their understanding for as long as they can.

But when silence continues…

For how long will these people bear with the agony of your problems?
How long will these people wait for you to come for their help?
How long does it take for you to understand that in every struggle, these people wish to be part of every pain and worry that you are carrying.

How long does it take to convince you that people are there even when you turn your back and lead your own way?

How long will it take to convince you that these people are capable of doing everything to appease you?

Sometimes, when we are so convinced that we are alone and misunderstood in this world, we tend to forget that we actually do the same to the people who truly love us. Because we are blinded by the pain, we tend to protect ourselves and rein our needs to keep us from reaching out…mainly because we fear rejection.

thoughts of seclusion

Do you clearly see this picture, this is what seclusion means to me. bright clear sunshine within sight but out of reach...
I think of myself as this mound of land sometimes. Grounded yet unstable. Tall but inadequate. Emptiness that needs to be filled...landscape that needs to be developed with value that is yet to be determined.

Lost, proud, unsure, and hopeful.

In the past, I endured sufferings, loneliness, and deep self-disappointments. I was so confused and I tried to settle things by my self as I was convinced that I am too good to handle everything that comes my way. God has His own ways to make you think differently about yourself, of bending the self-image you have glorified yourself to be. You will be surprised of what you can do and conquer by asking help and giving one if necessary. Life is a cycle, and so is helping and giving. So when you give nothing, nothing will be replenished. Like blood, like food, like love.

When you are convinced that you are good enough, He disagrees. Because you need to acknowledge the contributions people have given to make you the worst and the best of person you have come to be.

I have come to know that there is nothing wrong and it is never a sign of weakness to admit your faults, ask for help, or ask for guidance when needed.

Rather…

Too much pride and unfitting courage are protective walls that will bring inconsistencies that only promote weakness in every aspect of our lives. They are walls that hinder us from our happiness.

I should know…