New Hope

With the new administration leading the government of my beloved country Philippines, I felt that I become confident again that there is still hope to enjoy a better Philippines in the next six years. Here in the province of Albay, our elected governor asserted that the province has broken ground the foundations of establishing better economic status, public education and health services and overall better quality of life for all Bicolanos. But what surprised me is that why am I easily impressed by these promises when they are the main aspects of existence, which the government should improve and provide for its nation? Why was I easily impressed that our leaders put emphasis in the improvements and installation of better public service, when they are their main purpose and obligation? Have I become one of those Filipinos who get used to “pwede na”, “pagtyagaan na” and futile patience and hope for the day the politicians will finally do their “real” job. I am hoping for a better future for my dear country and my province because I would not want to live elsewhere. Not because I am settling or that I feel that living in the province is “pwede na”. I see it as the best place where I can pursue my professional ambitions, raise my son and build fond memories with my family, which I will carry on throughout my lifetime. In 30 years, Albay is geared to be the “California” of the Philippines, during which I will be near my retiring age. I just hope it will materialize. I managed to dream again, I hope it is a good sign.

Your Life is Your Choice

This is an excerpt from Bo Sanchez' "Don't be a Zombie" blog.

....Let me share a beautiful story written by S.I. Kishor about a man who passed the test.

"Will You Pass The Test Of Life?"

John Blanchard was a soldier.

One day, in a library, he found an old book with a lot of writing in the margins. He read her handwritten notes in the book and admired their deep insights. At the front cover, he saw that the book was previously owned by a certain Hollis Maynell.
With much effort, he located her address. He wrote to her and told her about her old book and how he liked her written notes.
And she responded, thanking him for his kind words.
But that day, he was shipped overseas to fight in a war.
Still, they kept writing to each other. During the difficult times at the battlefield, her words inspired him and gave him hope.
Little by little, John was falling in love with her.
He requested for a photo, but she replied that if he really cared for her, it won’t matter how she looked.

Finally, he was going home.
They decided to meet at the Grand Central Station at 7pm.
He said he’d be in his soldier’s uniform bringing her old book.
And she said, “You’ll know me by the red rose I’ll wear on my lapel.”
When the train arrived at 7pm, John was there, wearing his neatly pressed military uniform, with her old book in his hand.

The first woman to step off the train was a beautiful woman in a green suit. But there was no red rose on her blouse.

John was disappointed. But she was so lovely, he kept looking at her. She walked in front of him, glanced at him with a smile, and asked, “Are you following me, soldier?”

A part of him wanted to follow.

But no, he had to wait for Hollis Maynell.
The next woman who stepped off the train had a red rose on her lapel. She was perhaps 45 years old. She had graying hair beneath her hat. And she was very overweight. Meantime, the beautiful woman in the green suit was walking away.

John was torn.

Yet he looked again at the woman who was wearing the red rose. He remembered her letters and what a fascinating a person she was. He remembered how wonderful her words made him feel. He told himself, “This may not be love. But this may be more than love. This will be a beautiful friendship with a lovely person.”
He walked up to her, straightened himself, handed the book to her and said, “My name is Lieutenant John Blanchard. You must be Ms. Hollis Maynell. I’m so glad you could meet me. May I have dinner with you tonight?”

The woman smiled. “I don’t know what this is about, son,” she answered, “but the young lady in the green suit asked me to wear this red rose on my coat. She also said that if you asked me out for dinner, she said she’d be waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!”

"Your Choices Shape Your Destiny"

Imagine the end of this story: John and Hollis getting married, having kids, and growing old together.

Because he lived deliberately.

Because he made the right choice.

Because he passed the test.

Friend, life is a series of tests.
And your choices—your answers to the test—
will shape your destiny!
Sometimes, it’s a choice between love or lust.
Sometimes, it’s a choice between selfishness or selflessness.
Sometimes, it’s between what your heart wants and what your flesh wants.
Sometimes, it’s between what will bless you forever and what will give you pleasure this moment only.
Your life is really all up to you.
You’re the chef of your meal.
You’re the architect of your house.
You’re the scriptwriter of your movie.
You’re the composer of your song.
You’re the painter of your masterpiece.
At the end of the day, you decide how happy, fulfilled, and blessed you want to become.

REPERCUSSIONS

It is easy to be hard-hearted and apathetic especially to the person who caused you shame, pain and despair. It is easy to find joy in the sufferings of the ones who have done you wrong when you are still writhing in anger and bitterness. It is easy for anyone to say sorry for the things they have done, but it is hard for them to admit that even though they are sorry, they wouldn’t have done otherwise…

To the WOMAN who is now seeking my forgiveness for tearing my family apart, it is easy to find words to ask for what you need but I would not give you the liberty of not going through the repercussions of your actions. But surprisingly, I did not find joy in your anguish, satisfaction in your confusions, remorse at your "manufactured" sufferings and pity for all the crap you now have. YOU are the one who have put yourself in your position. So what do I feel? … pure ELATION.

When all the passion is gone, all that is left is the shallowness and nothingness from where you have started. In your doubts, trust is gone into the wind and all that is left is a life agonizing and worrying about the things that could have, may have, probably have and will happen. Now this circumstance is more than what I could have hoped for. So much for punishments. So much for life. So much for L O V E that you so proudly used to ruin the relationship and family I had.

Now you tell me. Now that YOU get to taste your own dose of your medicine, HOW DOES IT FEEL?

Stupid Girl

for as long as i can remember, I have worked for everything that I enjoy in my life. the trust bestowed upon me by my family is hard-earned, given my quite interesting life decisions in the past. every cent I spend is earned by every letter and word I have squeezed out of my overworked brain. but the things that matter more, like friendships and family, are surprisingly the things that i never need to work on just to be earned.

for many times, i have expressed my surprise and thanks to the people that surrounded me with love. during my low points, they were the ones that offered things that i need not ask; like support, like someone who will listen and someone who understands.

so no matter how life strikes me, it can strike me harder because this gal will never back down. give me your worst and I can will endure, I will stand, I will overcome whatever that may be.

in my life, I have weathered many storms. whatever is there in store for me, "bring it on baby!"

must I say, i should stop my pity party and stop my stupid negativity. i got everything going on for me, so there's no reason to complain about problems. just quit it wendy because this is the one thing that will ruin everything. quit your negativity and wake up. you deserve so much better and you know it.

work on it! earn it! own it! WAKE UP!!!

Love: A Little Less Complicated

Many people complain about falling into complicated relationships. There are people who find it hard to know when a relationship starts and be surprised when it ends. Many are clueless on why their relationships seem to be perfect, yet they ended up hurt as they were bound to breakups.

With relationships, people share part of themselves to another person. To some, they give their everything, not SHARE, which is a bad sign I suppose. To some, their status remains complicated because they have committed themselves to a person who is still unsure of what he wants and whoever he really wants to be with. The complications of relationships can go endless, but here’s a piece of my mind.

“Know what you want and who you love and want in life before you share your life to someone else.” Because if you get into a relationship of “convenience”, which means settling to whoever and whatever was available when you needed someone, you might end up hurting that person because he/she would only be a “progression” tool towards getting into the real thing.

The thing is, you need to know yourself first. Because otherwise, how can you ever really love someone if you don’t even know what you want in life? Do that and you’ll be saved from all these troubles.

Know what you want. Know who you love. That way, you will be able to lead the life and lasting relationship that you sure want to spend your lifetime.

To My Everything

June 4, 2010 is my son’s 5th birthday. In my continuing tradition of writing him a belated post for his birthday, here's what I have in mind:

Son, the past year has been extremely difficult for me. Mama was in a rollercoaster ride of her life. I was betrayed by the people whom I thought would care for us and we were left behind to face and settle the mess … we were left on our own. Thankfully, we have a wonderful family that has been our rock and strength for all these years. Although I once failed to blink back my tears and showed you a miniscule moment of my weakness, you were there to ease my pain. Your hugs kept me going, your faith in me kept me believing in myself. You made me feel your love and your impact in my life, which I realized to be everything I needed to settle with all the difficulties and all the pain that life has given us.

During my lowest points, you were there to watch DVD marathons of my favorite movies, sitting beside me until you fall asleep, staying with me even when you don’t like what I was watching. Whenever I need air to breathe, I just watch you, full of energy, full of life, making me realize that there is still more good things in my life…YOU. Whenever I needed a breather, we go to the arcade together, we eat ice cream together, we laugh, play games … even for the slightest measurement of time, I forgot my problems, I forgot all my pain … you replaced it with hope, love and forgiveness.

The thing is that during those times that I needed to be taken cared of, you were there. You and your huge curious eyes looking up at me, feeling that there was something wrong with me. You kept me sane and you brought me back to what I was, what I used to be and what I will become…your devoted mom.

In a short span of five years, you have taught me all about life, strength and purpose. You gave me the love that I was looking for, in all directions. You made me realize what I can be, which is the best person and the best mother any kid can ever have. I will have that as my life’s mission, because son … you deserve the best.

Sometimes, when I marvel at your beauty and awesomeness, I think back and say, “what did I ever do to deserve you?”

But then I realized, no matter how hard things can be, life will only get better as long as you are there, by my side, adoring me as your strict disciplinarian, crazy buddy, your clueless tutor, your bully, your friend, your first love… your Mama … your everything as you are my everything.

I love you son, five years since the day I was gifted with the best son any parent can ever have. Five years have passed and we are getting better. I am getting better at this mothering thing…because of you…because you help me become one for both of US.