A 'Piece' of my Mind

In life, God will never give you everything you want. He will never give you anything that you are not entitled to have. Harsh as it may be, He loves us that way. God is all love, but he is not all about giving. He is all about making you suffer the hardest to make you realize what you already have, so you quit asking on the things you actually do not need or do not deserve to have. In this materialistic world, He will rip you of everything you hold dear. Everything. He puts you in situations where you will twist in anguish and cry in pain until you can’t bear anything more. He rips you of everything you value so you will realize the sense of your life, your purpose of living, and your purpose of being. He does these to make you realize that you don’t hold the sole control of your life.

Haven’t you noticed? No matter how you carefully plan your life, there is always a room for failure with minor slipups. With all your plans, you still mess up. He makes us realize that we don’t have all the power to make things happen in our lives. It is all in His hands. And whatever plan He may have for us, it’s all for the best.

Now that I am a parent, I now understand this message. Your child may rebel at your rules or at your convictions on house rules, but at the end of the day, your love for them will find a way to keep them straight in the line of light. No matter how your child may fight it, he needs to learn that there’s no other way to be on the place he wanted to be but through the life lessons you may teach him. Trials are like arming your child with everything he needs to survive. As much as God would like to spare us of the hurt and fear that we have in our lives, these feelings play crucial roles in teaching us, arming us, protecting us and bringing us closer to the place where God and we people will share a divine life, a full existence from which we are separated by our worldly sins and mistakes.

Clarity

With all of life’s confusions, you sometimes need to take a break to tame your wild imagination. Thinking for the worst sometimes bring more bad than good. No matter how you disagree, I believe that we need not find all the reasons or answers to the whys and hows of our life. There are things in life that we don’t understand, all because they are not meant to be understood at present time. In time, the questions in our life will eventually bring us valuable realizations about how we came to be, how much we have learned and how gracefully we have handled life so far. When everything else seems to not make sense, any sense at all, they will do in time. I don’t want to sound like a self righteous and overly hypocritical religious woman, I am never that. But I just wanted to share that one way of coping with life is setting all your questions free. Sometimes, when I find it difficult to find sense in everything that happens, I just leave it at that. I thought, I don’t hold all the answers, even in my own life. Maybe, someone else holds that answer for me. Maybe someone else will give me the key to knowing myself better, discovering more of what I am as a person. Or maybe, those who have hurt me already gave me the answer, but all these hate made all reasons unclear and more confusing. Or maybe, just maybe, all the answer is there but I just refused to see them in the light, afraid of what I am about to discover.

Enough

“When a man gives up, a woman can coax him to go on and change his mind, but when a woman says enough, that means the end…”

In all the interesting experiences in your life, you certainly have encountered situations where you are close to giving up or you are torn between giving up an going on. Life is defined by our choices. Sometimes, we choose to bear some more and still give chance to everything we face. At times, we simply say, “that’s it, I am done”.

But between men and women, contrary to the common belief, in things like this, women are never fickle minded. They are more resilient and even more flexible in terms of bearing with life’s situations. Amidst the hurt surrounding her relationship, physical or emotional, she may still decide to stand up for her man thinking that all is worth it. But while women have flexible tolerance, when they say enough, it means enough. You have reached her limits. No extensions and no other chances.

Suffering enough is enough chance given to any man to make up for everything he has done, for every wrong and every hurt. But once that chance it abused, there’s no turning back.

Speak up

In life, I have learned that no one else will stand up for you but yourself. In every battle, you better get yourself armed with courage to speak up for what you believe in and express everything that is bottled inside your heart and inside your mind. Sometimes, you contemplate on whether or not to speak for yourself because of fearing that telling the truth might hurt the ones you love. That is actually not the case. While you worry on hurting the ones you love, they are there rooting for you to do what you feel and see is right. That is because you are standing up for everything that you are. There’s nothing to be sorry about that. Everyone who loves you will understand the whys and whats of your actions, provided that they are within reason.

I am thankful that I am one person who realized the people who loves me for real. The people who embraced everything that I am are there in every step I take. Although sometimes, I feel like I am traveling the lonely and hostile roads of life alone, I have come to realize that they are actually everywhere. They are in my shadows, they are in my heart, and they are in my mind. Presence and actions may not speak of everything. It’s the thought that they will be there whenever you need to stand up for yourself, rooting for you to be a successful challenger of everything that comes your way.

To See an Angel Cry

See her there, see her crying thinking she loves him so
But she doesn't know how much it hurts me to hear her beg him not to go
If she were mine again, I'd never let the tears fill her eyes
But she doesn't know how much it hurts me to see an angel cry.

Once she built her world around me and like a fool I tore it down
And she begged me not to leave just the way she is doing now
Now she is begging to another with that same hurt in her eyes
But she doesn't know how much it hurts me to see an angel cry.

I didn't know how much I'd hurt her till I saw her here this way
I didn't realize how much she was broken seeing her falling apart this way
If she were mine I'd hold her forever and dry the tears from her eyes
But she doesn't know how much it hurts me to see an angel cry.

Happy Birthday to Moi!

I am thankful for all my experiences in the past year:

I am thankful for all the struggles and hardships I had in raising my son alone because through that, I have discovered more about myself in doing things that are way beyond my limits.

I am thankful for the people surrounding me for all the love and appreciation they have of me being their friend and family.

I am thankful for the job that kept me at my toes from night till dawn till noon to give me money to pay for all my needs, especially my son’s needs. Even if it drains my brain dry, it gives me so much to do, so much to improve and so much to value.

I am thankful for not having problem with money or health this year.

Thank you for my good grades in school, needless to say, it's the reward of all my sleepless nights.

I am thankful for whoever invented or created ‘The Bar’ for he gave me the finest Filipino booze to date.

I am thankful for Marlboro for continually keeping me company through those times I needed to think and analyze my life.

I am thankful for me ex jilting me with this ‘married nurse’ for making me crazy for the big part of the year with these strange combinations of emotions; dealing with those led me to people who made me realize that living a full life does not come with ‘excess baggage’.

I am thankful for you for reading this nonsense birthday entry.

Lastly, I am thankful for my son who, even did not say the right words or did not do all the right things, completed my life.

I know I will have more things to be thankful for. But it would take another year to make me complete another list.
‘till then.

Juzz feelin' dis song

ScarJo just looks ... tempting ... well, looks like I will be humming something like this sooner or later...tsk tsk! trouble in paradise... hahahaha!

let me just say, it would be wiser not to stick your fingers to something or someone you don't know anything about ...

knowledge is power... do I hear pathetic? who's pathetic now.
hahahaha!



better start over than live a lie...aye?

Shocking

I got news today. My friend told me that my ex and the girl he took after me are now going public with their romance. You know when you feel like you can face anything after learning the truth, confirmations like this can still rock you.

It actually shocked me that I am still honestly affected by the news. I never realized that shame and embarrassment can kill. I was kind of confused because it struck me like a big bus. I was practically stunned. Although my mind tells me that the information does not concern me, my heart was crushed. I was crushed. The funny thing is that I was expecting this. Yet, when it finally happened, I was still surprised. Emotions, sometimes I wish there was an antidote for they drive me crazy.

After a while of getting a blank eye in front of the mirror, I started to move. I stood up, stared at my eyes once more and I was blank. I expected tears but they never came. Bitterness still lingers in me but I know I am getting better. I no longer have those violent tendencies and the cursing series I had before. Feeling numb, I was surprised to find myself talking and saying that it’s good that they have already moved on and living the life. I never said I am happy for them, I am happy that he is blithely aware of how it is to feel to be on the other end. I don’t think he can handle this kind of pain…

So this made me reflect on my current state. I feel stronger, I feel more secure of my decisions. I may feel pain and uncertainty right now, but I will survive. I have weathered storms before in my life. This is but an interesting detail.After all, you get what you deserve in life right? Go figure.

La la Leo!

Last weekend, I was re-running the classic movie "Titanic" and realized how i have forgotted how handsome Leonardo di Caprio was...is!

Here is a rare picture of the handsome Leo...for our everyday's amusement.

Turning Tables

Just when everything seems to be fine and okay, a friend of mine asked me an advice on how will she ever go on since her boyfriend has also cheated her for another girl.

This was really interesting. I honestly don’t know what to say. How can I ever advise someone of a thing that is so difficult, so painful and so utterly disgusting to deal with? I can’t find words to describe how the first few days will be like hell. It would be like contemplating on strangling the necks of the basterds or simply get on with life in a more peaceful way. Or should I say, contemplating on pitying yourself or trying to be as angry as ever, like practically bringing hell as most people would say. No person deserves an experience like this. Nobody. That is for the simple reason that it doesn’t make anything right or that it does not make sense.

Either the other woman is great with sexual favors or in other talents, it’s not enough reason to leave a person hanging right there and be even expected to be faithful as one do such a disgusting act. A person who has been nothing but loyal and devoted certainly does not deserve that kind of treatment, which makes the cheater quite an ass… Thinking that these acts are premeditated, it’s just disgusting to discover a person whom you trusted would do a thing like that to you.

So instead, I offered her two options. It’s either to continue hoping and living with this guy thinking at the back of your mind that he can do that again and that he can hurt you again or a life that is open for other possibilities, including finding someone who will value you for what you truly are. At the beginning, it would be feeling like you got stabbed behind your back. Betrayal is never a good thing. Things will be hard, perhaps the hardest thing you will ever deal in your life. But the thing is, you’ll survive. The question is, when you have already moved on and he saw you are happy in the arms of a better man…can he survive that?

Tables are turned so soon…I feel that I am still not qualified to give an advice on this. But the thing is, I am happy with what I have become out of the experience…and happy with my “exploring life’s possibilities”. I know, she’ll get by…just as I did.

Forget Him

Forget his name
forget his face
forget his kiss
his warm embrace
Forget the love that you once knew
Remember he has someone new
Forget them when they played you for a fool
Remember they were together all along
Forget how close you once were
Remember he has chosen her
forget how you memorized his walk
forget the way he used to talk
forget the things he used to say
Remember he has gone away
Forget his laugh forget his grin
Remember his sin
Forget the way he held you tight
Remember he's with her tonight
Forget the years that went just that
forget the love that moved
forget he said he loved you, it's past
forget he said he's never to leave you
Forget he promised you a life
He has forgotten you, your son when he turned
Remember, he left you, he left everything
Remember he's gone with her.
If you were to blame, who knew?
Forget he even cared for you
For what he did has killed you anew
Forget the pain forget the two
For you got a chance with someone new
Forget him...
forget them...
forget and live again.

On dealing with mistakes

I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.' If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that's rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach.

Feel the Love

"Sometimes, you have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in your heart forever... even if you are gone in theirs."

Life goes on… and love? It will find you. It will find you when you are ready…again.

In a sentence of love, oftentimes you have to put a period on something that has to end and not just settle on a comma. In time, you will realize that it's nicer to see a complete sentence rather than a phrase that's completely hanging and doesn't even make any sense.