You rarely tell people about your accomplishments because you always think you could've done better. You are afraid someone will come along who is better than you and you often think about what you are doing wrong in a relationship, instead of what you are doing right. You are a loved person, but always think you need to continue doing something to stay loved. You rest in who you are around the right people, but the second they say something negative about you, even in a joking way, your heart is crushed. You wish you could be a better person, but it seems so hard. You are not good at working at things, but you want to be because you want things to work, especially relationships. You need love and you want to keep love when it comes, but you are always afraid you'll do something wrong. You want to be loved for who you are..
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Wendastarr's greatest weakness is ...
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Still Life
I am sitting still...I am staring at the blank screen contemplating on what to write or should I write anything at all.
'Times like this, I feel I needed to put my mind to rest for I have been putting it through a lot means of battery for a while.
Sometimes, I refuse to think, I wallow into nothingness, making me sit still, doing nothing, just breathing and doing nothing.
Staring back at the blank screen...I refuse to believe that everything needs to be blank. Splash some color in it, put some nonsense phrases on it...in a while, I may realize what I wanted to do or needed to do to make this page work...or not.
I still sit still, staring at the blank screen, with a smirk on my face, I started typing...and I typed in these words.
It may not work, it may not make sense. But it's how my mind works in nothingness.
I am lost of feeling. I am lost of care...or maybe this is just an effect of another gloomy day.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I'm Cool with NOW
Nothing last forever, someone special may come into our lives, love us and promise us the world, but the moment you turn they are gone. In the future, it’s really interesting to meet this person who caused all the hurt in your heart. The person who made you open your eyes to the reality that life is no fairy tale and that the ultimate thing you have to accept in life is that spoken words are not to be trusted and that love is just love. It’s just a brand you use to rationalize your reasons for being with someone special. But of course, the memories of good times will always be there. No one and nothing can erase that. It even makes such meeting thrilling and fortuitous. Sharing a part of our life with that special person is not something that you can simply erase because of all the bad things that have happened. As we shared our life with that special someone, we leave part of us with that person, which perhaps makes them difficult to let go. But as the world continue to move, life goes on and you will move on, explore new possibilities and find new love. So when the ‘meeting’ comes, all you will remember will be the nice marks of that same person you used to love and embrace life with.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The story of a life and everything that came after...
These were the lovely bones that had grown around my absence: the connections — sometimes tenuous, sometimes made at great cost, but often magnificent — that happened after I was gone. And I began to see things in a way that let me hold the world without me in it. The events my death brought were merely the bones of a body that would become whole at some unpredictable time in the future. The price of what I came to see as this miraculous lifeless body had been my life.
---This movie is definitely on my list!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
The Love of a Good Woman
Maybe I am one of those writers who opt to write the content first before the title. However, coming across this title, “the love of a good woman”, I can’t help but feel sadness wash over me. I don’t know but perhaps because I see sadness in including the phrase ‘good woman’, whatever does it mean? What does it need or aim to prove.
“Every woman gets the exact love life, good or bad, that she wants.”
At first, my mind refused to believe this outlook. It hated it because it made me look like an idiot. I mean, do I choose to be stood up, thrashed and be played a fool? Is that it? Did I ever choose that? That even if I bleed myself to death to carry on and do my part, that it’s my choice that I end up failing?
But then, later on, I realized it has got a good point. Besides law of attraction, women in this culture is trained and raised to play the part of a doe-eyed loser in the game of love…she is trained to salvage what is already not savable, stick to a man that is not worth it, and feel mercilessly thrashed when left used and taken as a doormat that came in passing for a quick fix of a need. She is trained to be patient, be kind and all that bullshit. But never did this culture train any woman how to cope with being hurt and used. No one even stood up what happens to those who have been left behind. They end up thinking that they are used, that no one will ever take them after some men have trashed their dignity and name aside. They believe that they are not that eligible of simple compassion or even a fair chance at love. Though even under the circumstance, they did not cause any of the harm and disaster that befell their honor, they are still left and seen as the ones to blame. The fool who fell for the greatest fools of all, men who lacked the balls to be man enough for them.
Going back to the intriguing line, it made me realize that if a woman’s definition of entitlement is ending up with people who abuse them more and hurt them more for they believe that that’s what they deserve and that’s what they settle for, that’s what they get. Sometimes, we need to reevaluate ourselves and the things we settle for in this life. I may be a bitch but I owe it to myself to give it the best. The best of the best. Why? Who else will ever do that for me? My definition of best is not happy endings at love but a full life with a healthy personal relationship with my family, friends and especially my son. My best is leaving room for life’s inspirations, people who make me feel special and people that continuously believe in what I am and what I do…why? Because they are the only ones worth fighting for.
Every day is my happy ending. I give it my all. If the line says I have the exact love affair I have, maybe because this simple life is what I settle for, no room for failure and no more room for fools who threaten the simple joys I have with life. Love is just love. So is love affair. If it’ll come, it’ll come
“Every woman gets the exact love life, good or bad, that she wants.”
At first, my mind refused to believe this outlook. It hated it because it made me look like an idiot. I mean, do I choose to be stood up, thrashed and be played a fool? Is that it? Did I ever choose that? That even if I bleed myself to death to carry on and do my part, that it’s my choice that I end up failing?
But then, later on, I realized it has got a good point. Besides law of attraction, women in this culture is trained and raised to play the part of a doe-eyed loser in the game of love…she is trained to salvage what is already not savable, stick to a man that is not worth it, and feel mercilessly thrashed when left used and taken as a doormat that came in passing for a quick fix of a need. She is trained to be patient, be kind and all that bullshit. But never did this culture train any woman how to cope with being hurt and used. No one even stood up what happens to those who have been left behind. They end up thinking that they are used, that no one will ever take them after some men have trashed their dignity and name aside. They believe that they are not that eligible of simple compassion or even a fair chance at love. Though even under the circumstance, they did not cause any of the harm and disaster that befell their honor, they are still left and seen as the ones to blame. The fool who fell for the greatest fools of all, men who lacked the balls to be man enough for them.
Going back to the intriguing line, it made me realize that if a woman’s definition of entitlement is ending up with people who abuse them more and hurt them more for they believe that that’s what they deserve and that’s what they settle for, that’s what they get. Sometimes, we need to reevaluate ourselves and the things we settle for in this life. I may be a bitch but I owe it to myself to give it the best. The best of the best. Why? Who else will ever do that for me? My definition of best is not happy endings at love but a full life with a healthy personal relationship with my family, friends and especially my son. My best is leaving room for life’s inspirations, people who make me feel special and people that continuously believe in what I am and what I do…why? Because they are the only ones worth fighting for.
Every day is my happy ending. I give it my all. If the line says I have the exact love affair I have, maybe because this simple life is what I settle for, no room for failure and no more room for fools who threaten the simple joys I have with life. Love is just love. So is love affair. If it’ll come, it’ll come
" Best "
have you even been asked the question, what is your best?
At this point in your life, can you say when you were at your best?
My best is not amassing wealth or getting the most success among my peers and colleagues, it is the knowledge that my boss knows that I am giving my 200% in my work. My best is being recognized for what I do for I do them with all the passion in my heart. It is not the pride of posting my pictures at the backdrop of some exotic view, but my appreciation of my home, my simple domain, my simple life. My best is the acknowledgement of my teachers to all the papers I managed to pass amidst the chaos at work, at home and in my life. I feel that everyday, I am at my definition of “best”. That is because my best is not flaunting what I have, but flaunting what I don't have; my flaws and pains so people know me as a woman who lived, a woman who withstood hardships with her head held up high. After all, failure is not what people say the ‘falling’ down, but the ‘staying’ down.
At this point in your life, can you say when you were at your best?
My best is not amassing wealth or getting the most success among my peers and colleagues, it is the knowledge that my boss knows that I am giving my 200% in my work. My best is being recognized for what I do for I do them with all the passion in my heart. It is not the pride of posting my pictures at the backdrop of some exotic view, but my appreciation of my home, my simple domain, my simple life. My best is the acknowledgement of my teachers to all the papers I managed to pass amidst the chaos at work, at home and in my life. I feel that everyday, I am at my definition of “best”. That is because my best is not flaunting what I have, but flaunting what I don't have; my flaws and pains so people know me as a woman who lived, a woman who withstood hardships with her head held up high. After all, failure is not what people say the ‘falling’ down, but the ‘staying’ down.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
End of the Semester
At last, after completing all the requirements of the first semester of this school year, I am free to do all the work I have left pending because of my exams. I never knew 5 months and 27 units can pass just like that. But then, it’s just a phase of life, difficult, challenging, brings quite a headache sometimes but it passes. It is bound to end as some time.
This semester, for me, is most challenging. Aside from being challenged by my professors, my personal life was challenged by fate. Though it is not my fault to be played with, I made sure that no one gets away with messing up my time. I know in time, everything will fall into their right places. But when I thought everything in my life was a mess, someone came and made be believe otherwise. I made friends with people I took for granted for the longest time. They were the ones who patiently made a deaf ear when I am starting with my vicious rants. They were the ones who helped me hack ___ accounts so I can find peace in running havoc to other people’s lives, ‘other people’ who made a mess out of me. I loved them dearly for helping me get through that trying portion of my semester. And after that, le wendastarr came back with a vengeance.
School and work, I’ve conquered all the drama to make it all work. This just convinced me that when I put my head into it, I can do it. 3 semesters more and I will be out of here. My son and I will be somewhere special, somewhere far from the past. Somewhere I can raise him without these people judging. Somewhere I can finally reunite with my God.
I vow to make things right. I vow to make everything right. I vow to my own happiness. I vow to be the best mom to my son… ending this semester only makes me a few steps closer to actually doing that.
This semester, for me, is most challenging. Aside from being challenged by my professors, my personal life was challenged by fate. Though it is not my fault to be played with, I made sure that no one gets away with messing up my time. I know in time, everything will fall into their right places. But when I thought everything in my life was a mess, someone came and made be believe otherwise. I made friends with people I took for granted for the longest time. They were the ones who patiently made a deaf ear when I am starting with my vicious rants. They were the ones who helped me hack ___ accounts so I can find peace in running havoc to other people’s lives, ‘other people’ who made a mess out of me. I loved them dearly for helping me get through that trying portion of my semester. And after that, le wendastarr came back with a vengeance.
School and work, I’ve conquered all the drama to make it all work. This just convinced me that when I put my head into it, I can do it. 3 semesters more and I will be out of here. My son and I will be somewhere special, somewhere far from the past. Somewhere I can raise him without these people judging. Somewhere I can finally reunite with my God.
I vow to make things right. I vow to make everything right. I vow to my own happiness. I vow to be the best mom to my son… ending this semester only makes me a few steps closer to actually doing that.
Young?
" ... when you are young, you do stupid things ... you do things that you should not do... "
--- Barrack Obama
So the thing here is:
when you happened to do stupid things
and when you do things that you should not do
Does that mean you are YOUNG?
Does that mean that you are still YOUNG?
is this a valid argument?
fallacy perhaps!
--- Barrack Obama
So the thing here is:
when you happened to do stupid things
and when you do things that you should not do
Does that mean you are YOUNG?
Does that mean that you are still YOUNG?
is this a valid argument?
fallacy perhaps!
Just had a Fun Party
At this point of my life, I find it comforting that I find smart conversations more titillating than any other activity in this world. It makes me play with words, and play with other people’s minds. It makes me questions everything that they believe in and their reasons for believing so. I find it a nice game. It’s a game where great minds meet. It presents a perfect opportunity to see beyond the layer of a person. That’s what makes that game more challenging. However, in this game, you have to give some to gain some. As much as you inquire on the thoughts of other people, you also have to share a piece of your own.
After having a quite fun and booze filled sem-ender party, I finally recovered. Then I recalled every little thing I did and said and seem to be proud of every one of it. I did not make a fool of anyone of myself, that’s for sure. But we all had a great time. Having fine conversations with few of the finest people I know is something I would not date pass up even if it would mean crawling through my way home. I did not exactly crawl because my oh-so good friend to me safely home. Thanks guys!
After having a quite fun and booze filled sem-ender party, I finally recovered. Then I recalled every little thing I did and said and seem to be proud of every one of it. I did not make a fool of anyone of myself, that’s for sure. But we all had a great time. Having fine conversations with few of the finest people I know is something I would not date pass up even if it would mean crawling through my way home. I did not exactly crawl because my oh-so good friend to me safely home. Thanks guys!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Law Abiding Citizen
This is for the folks who wanted serious action-thriller flicks. Law Abiding Citizen, which stars Jamie Fox and Gerard Butler (300), is one of the powerhouse cats movies to look out for this fall.
SYNOPSIS:
Clyde Shelton (Gerard Butler) is an upstanding family man whose wife and daughter are brutally murdered during a home invasion. When the killers are caught, Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx), a hotshot young Philadelphia prosecutor, is assigned to the case. Over his objections, Nick is forced by his boss to offer one of the suspects a light sentence in exchange for testifying against his accomplice.
Fast forward ten years. The man who got away with murder is found dead and Clyde Shelton coolly admits his guilt. Then he issues a warning to Nick: Either fix the flawed justice system that failed his family, or key players in the trial will die.
Soon Shelton follows through on his threats, orchestrating from his jail cell a string of spectacularly diabolical assassinations that can be neither predicted nor prevented. Philadelphia is gripped with fear as Shelton’s high-profile targets are slain one after another and the authorities are powerless to halt his reign of terror. Only Nick can stop the killing, and to do so he must outwit this brilliant sociopath in a harrowing contest of wills in which even the smallest misstep means death. With his own family now in Shelton’s crosshairs, Nick finds himself in a desperate race against time facing a deadly adversary who seems always to be one step ahead.
Source: imnotobsessed.com
click on this trailer...
AWESOME AYE?!
Just Another Single Parenting Dilemma
With only three exams to go, I am all ready to succumb to the fatigue that’s creeping up my spine. This semester is really tiring or trying. Enrolling 29 academics is no joke especially when you have a lot of other things to take care of. But the thing is, only three exams to go and I am done with this semester, fairly with enough honor.
This coming semester, I am planning to get a lot less load than I intend to. I realized, I am only meeting my son through Sundays. I just feel so guilty that no other person can convince him to study his lessons and at least try writing down ‘new’ letters, letters of the alphabet that is new to him, but me. Even with his teachers, he seldom tries. My dilemma is that I have school and I have my deadlines to deal with and I only have part of my Sundays with him. That is the only day that I am actually taking care of him, and still I am working during Sundays. I am all twisted inside that I can't do everything that I need to do, especially for my son. I am but only one person. It kills me that I can't do enough to make this situation work. It's just that I know what to do and how to do it, but sometimes my body exerts all its energy to exhaustion so it unfailingly gives up. And as I was thinking of how to do these and that, then I realized, what day do I set aside for taking care of ME? or even, do I take care of ME enough?
Life is really hard especially when you are a single parent. NO MONEY CAN COMPENSATE FOR THE HARDSHIPS AND THE WEIGHT OF RESPONSIBILITY THAT IS BESTOWED UPON THEM. Money is dispensable. Responsibility isn’t. You can always earn money, but when you turn back to your responsibilities, you simply lose your worth as a parent and as a person. Whatever your reason is for doing so, YOU ARE SIMPLY FULL OF SHIT!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Yes!
On my first attempt to participate in a debate...we won!
on the proposition to adopt the provisions of the Magna Carta for Students, our team managed to overwhelm our honorable competitors by... 1 percent on our average ratings.LOL!
what's fun in the activity was everything got lost in the middle of the discussion..with all the nervousness and self consciousness that's getting in the way, clouding our dispositions and command for our words, I say we pulled it off.
so what's the price of winning? EXEMPTION IN THE FINALS EXAM!
so there...I am just happy to pull this event off of my to-do list.
we were just so tired with all the research...well, should I say "I" was tired of doing all the research and in completing all the answers to our list of possible interpolation questions. Boy that's a relief!!!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
I Don't Believe You
did you ever felt like this?
you guys went on a fight, then things got messed up and then you try to fix things up.
but then more arguments followed...even years of piled up and undiscussed/unresolved problems surfaced...more arguments went on...until you guys started throwing accusations and hurting words...and then you guys decided to end it all?
you will surely say, I don't want you here no more. I don't need you anymore. Go away. because you are hurting and seeing him/her go actually made you feel more twisted inside.
then you slept on these problems...you woke up one day and realize you still needed him/her because the love/lust is still there? and then no matter how harsh the words were thrown to keep you away, you just think about it and remember that you guys loved each other and no simple argument can quickly change that? that in any way, you are still hoping and willing to make things work...no matter how much pride you eat and throw in the air, it doesn't matter anymore because all you want is your love to come right back where it belongs...desperately begging it to come back.
as you wallow in self-loathing, self pity and in the uncertainty of the future, you get these thoughts that you can't get over him/her getting over you?
well this seems like the message of this ballad from PINK.
what a hell of a singer my idol is..
check this clip out!!! and let's all get mushy...
you guys went on a fight, then things got messed up and then you try to fix things up.
but then more arguments followed...even years of piled up and undiscussed/unresolved problems surfaced...more arguments went on...until you guys started throwing accusations and hurting words...and then you guys decided to end it all?
you will surely say, I don't want you here no more. I don't need you anymore. Go away. because you are hurting and seeing him/her go actually made you feel more twisted inside.
then you slept on these problems...you woke up one day and realize you still needed him/her because the love/lust is still there? and then no matter how harsh the words were thrown to keep you away, you just think about it and remember that you guys loved each other and no simple argument can quickly change that? that in any way, you are still hoping and willing to make things work...no matter how much pride you eat and throw in the air, it doesn't matter anymore because all you want is your love to come right back where it belongs...desperately begging it to come back.
as you wallow in self-loathing, self pity and in the uncertainty of the future, you get these thoughts that you can't get over him/her getting over you?
well this seems like the message of this ballad from PINK.
what a hell of a singer my idol is..
check this clip out!!! and let's all get mushy...
Friday, October 9, 2009
Fun with Life Starts Here
After being shelved in the cocoon due to my severed heart and pride, I started to live again. You can only guess where I have been, who I have been with and what I just did! Doing 'things' you never thought you can do is just one of this life's surprises.
Hahahaha!
Life is still fun!
I name this chapter of my life as...
"out with the old, in with the new"
after the storm...plants grow and flowers bloom...relationships die...relationships Are born.
Hahahaha!
Life is still fun!
I name this chapter of my life as...
"out with the old, in with the new"
after the storm...plants grow and flowers bloom...relationships die...relationships Are born.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
No More CRY
I wanna feel just like before
Before the rain came in my door
Shook me up, turned me 'round
Made me cry 'til I would drown
Stole the daylight brought the nights
So much anger I would fight
Lost my youth, amid the blue
'Till I saw all my loneliness in you
Want to help you, give you love
Shine some light out from the mud
Fill the empty, find a rhyme
A brighter day, a better time
But I'm wondering where I'm gone
Can't find the truth within my mind
All I have I'll give to you
To let you know you're not alone
I'm telling you
Smiling for you only
I'm trying for you solely
I'm praying for you only
No more cry times
I want to hear my laugh again
Without the ache to bring you down
Everything will never be the same
Now that you took my pain
If it's true what people say
There still is beauty in each day
We find comfort in each other's strength
I'm not alone anymore
Here you are
with me...
YOU got me over HIM
I, I was a game he would playHe brought the clouds to my day
Then like a ray of light
You came my way one night
Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the clouds disappear
Don’t you know, don’t you know
You got it all over him
You got me over him
Honey it’s true
There’s just you
You must have been heaven sent
Hearing me call you went
Out on a limb
And you’re all that he’s not
Just look what I got
Cause you got it all
Over him
No, don’t let him worry you so
Once I met you I let go
Oh you can surely see
You’re so much more to me
Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the clouds disappear
You’re better than all the rest
Who do I love the best
Don’t you know, don’t you know
You got it all over him
You got me over him
Honey it’s true
There’s just you
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
A Repost
"NEVER TAKE FOR GRANTED A PERSON WHO IS CLOSE TO YOUR HEART AND DOES EVERYTHING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY BECAUSE YOU MIGHT WAKE UP ONE DAY AND REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE LOST A "DIAMOND" WHILE YOU WERE TOO BUSY COLLECTING STONES."
---ANONYMOUS
---ANONYMOUS
Saturday, October 3, 2009
The Brangelina Twins
Here is picture of Brangelina plus their twins; Knox and Vivienne, as they took a trip down to Licky Licious in Amman, Jordan for an ice cream treat.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
My Thoughts
Better hurt and bleed than not breathe at all. Better suffer pain than being raped with fears. Better choke on tears than choke on restrictions. Better have a broken heart than have no heart at all. Better be guilty of something than to die ignorant because of cowardice. Better lick honey for one minute than hope for other people to settle your life. I have come to believe that there is no justice in this world, nothing is there to avenge us and to protect us, even in the last corner of our life, unless we take care of that business ourselves.
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