The new Me

My first semester will surely be hectic and fun. As my son will start going to school, I will give him my full support. As my semester starts, I will give it my all. I have my school and my son, two things in my life that need my full attention. Things that value me even when I am not paying them enough attention. I have my job that, even at times I neglect, stuck with me to sustain my financial needs. I have my family to love. I have my dear sisters to call my best friends. I also have my college click to share thoughts with every single day. I have got a special group that still remembers me as we come together for socials. All their arms are stretched out to embrace me, welcoming me wholly.Welcoming the new ME.

This is my new life. The Tougher me. The Unforgiving me. The caring-to-only-those-who-matters me. The more Ambitious ME. The more Cunning Me. The new ME.

Everything’s said and done…there’s no going back this time…not with the new Wendy...

Never to forgive…Never to Forget

Perhaps I am not Christian enough to find space for understanding and forgiveness to people who have done me wrong. As far as I know, to those who I have done wrong, they asked for it…when I give my loyalty and love to a person I value, I stick with all the moral values that live with it. Simply, I give my all. I give everything I can even with the fear that I might get hurt in the end…I do.

Unlike other people, I don’t pretend to the people who are close to me. As much as I can, I show them my worst. I show them my worst more than my best. I am rather conscious of showing them my worst than putting pressure in putting my best foot forward. How else will I know if they will really stick with me when all they see is what they wanted to see? For that reason, although I have limited number of friends, at least they really know me. To them, I am predictable. To them, I am loved for my flaws rather than my better qualities.

I am me. I may not be proud of my flaws but they are part of me. My flaws define me. My strength is measured in how I live with them. My flaws have guided me in making me realize the people who are true to me as I am to them.

My Devotion

“For a mother the project of raising a boy is the most fulfilling project she can hope for. She can watch him, as a child, play the games she was not allowed to play; she can invest in him her ideas, aspirations, ambitions, and values -- or whatever she has left of them; she can watch her son, who came from her flesh and whose life was sustained by her work and devotion, embody her in the world. So while the project of raising a boy is fraught with ambivalence and leads inevitably to bitterness, it is the only project that allows a woman to be -- to be through her son, to live through her son.”

And so the GamePlan Begins

in the past few days, I have been making a TO DO LIST...just to give my life a little bit of direction...every day, that will be my guide...every day, I will check one day accomplished from the plan...just to keep me busy for a while...now, I am checking one task done...and so the game begins!

here i am working the kickass face! that's whole lotta attitude ladies!!!

Esep Esep

okay pala yun, pag minsan binigay mo lahat lahat sa relationship, okay din pala. kahit na anu pa man kahihinatnan nun, wala kang talo...kase pag talagang ginawa mo na lahat lahat...mas madali na lang mag move on...sa simula, magagalit ka. mas pipiliin mong magalit kesa maawa sa sarili mo. kakanta ka ng irreplaceable ni beyonce saka if I were a Boy. Eventually, kakanta ka na lang ng mga uplifting songs...then pag napag isip isip mo, di pwedeng ganun ganun lang, huhugutin mo celfone mo at magtetext ng kung anu ano, maglalasing, magwawala, magkakalat, masusuka, magsasayaw, magwawala ulit at saka ka na mapapagod...once na napagod ka na at wala ka ng mahugot , amuubusan ka na ng rason na magwala pa...paunti unti, babalik ka sa dati mong sarili, gagampanan mo yung daily chores mo, yung pang araw araw na ikaw...kahit na maiisip mo siya, okay pa din kase binigyan ka niya ng kalayaan na makilala ang hangganan mo bilang ikaw, malalaman mo kung hanggang saan ang tinagal mo, at kung bakit di mo na pinili pang magtagal dun...andami daming nagpakatanga tanga sa pag ibig, pero mangilan ngilan lang ang nagpakatanga sa buhay...at least, sa buhay ko, di ako mabubuhay sa what if dahil ginawa ko lahat...tanga man yun sa mata ng iba...magmamahal ka na rin lang, itodo mo na...bakit ka mahihiya sa mga pinaggagagawa mo kung yun ang katotohanan ng buhay mo...bakit, pag inisip mo ba sasabihin ng iba, pag pinalakpakan ka nila, garantiya na ba yun na magiging masaya ka? minsan naisip ko, ang poag ibig, andamong kakorinihan, andaming kaeklatan, pero eto lang masasabi ko, kung anuman yung mga magagawa nyo dahil nagmahal kayo, gawin nyo. kahiya hiya man, gawin nyo. kase sa ikli ng buhay na to, pwedeng bukas mawala ka na lang bigla, at least maiisip ng mga taong pinahalagahan mo, "oo, minahal niya ako walang duda"...wala ng mas mahalaga pa sa buhay kungdi yung mga karanasang makukuha mo rito...pare, maikli lang ang buhay. kaya ako ang mga natitirang oras ko sa araw araw, binibigay ko sa mga taong importante sa buhay ko. para kahit anong oras...masasabi nila..."ah si wendy, Nagmaha 'yan, tumodo yan, NABUHAY yan. sa pagbaba at pagtaas ng buhay niya, kasama kami dun, di namin siya makakalimutan..."

Wasted

School is coming up and my problems are driving me nuts...so I've decided to go out...During these times that I seem to just breathe and live to get by, I go out. Not because I am a momma , I have forgotten how to really party. Who cares, I am single now. My life has to be all about ME and my boy. Also, it’s time to have fun fun fun. Last night was the first that of the many fun nights that I intend to keep. I will never pass out for a good drink from now on. I will never make any free invitations and free party to simply pass from now on. Free beer, free food, free company, what else is free nowadays? It’s such a waste to say no to all that aye? It’s time for me to get my life back. And to hell with whoever will judge me here in suburbia(hic). I can't be straight with these thoughts running at the back of my head…argh!. Gone are those days…Life is a party…my life was a party in its own little way…I’ll keep it at that. But for now, I’ll have to get used to the headaches of dealing with hangover…haha!

All Newly Single-d Ladies, Listen up!!!

For all newly single ladies, listen up!

Enough of the pity trip…it’s time to move on.

Do it with me now…

Stop tormenting yourself with the thoughts of the past and explore new possibilities.

Like the bloodsucking scumbags that took you for granted, you have all the right to find happiness in your life…find out how.

An interesting movie line has taught me a useful and meaningful sentence that gave me a reality check:

“Every woman has the exact love life that she wanted.”

I totally agree. During these painful times in our lives, we tend to soak up with all the lovely memories of the past, which makes any breakup more painful to bear. Moving forward means forgetting all that. Of course, you can take with you some memories from which you have learned things, things that will enable you to do better next time, given the chance to have another person to share your wits and shits in life with.

Remember, the breakup is all about you. It may be painful but it is true.

I refuse to believe that this is the end of my love life, I certainly deserve better. Until the time comes that I accept the fact that I made a mistake and learned from it, I will make a perfect ending for my love story.

Stop hating. Holding that up will only cause you to ruin your next relationships. Just learn to live with it. Play a cheesy song, feel your pain, cry if that helps, but please don’t do that forever. Remember, coping with breakups normally takes days to get over with. It’s just a few days wasted in your life, don’t make it waste all the days in your life.

Remember what a beautiful person you are. Remember how an amazing woman you are. You are so wonderful that even the latest scumbag fell for you. He’s just not worth it. And you deserve better so the breakup seems to be meant to happen.

It may take a while but remember, you are an amazing person. You can deal with it.

Let’s cheers to starting an interesting chapter in our lives…Cheers!

drama Drama drama

There’s always drama in my life…sometimes, I find it annoying that life dumps these nonsensical problems in my life…haven’t I got enough…With that, I am living my life inside a bubble, a safe space in which I become untouchable and out of reach. Inside the bubble, I focus on what’s more important, I work out my focus, and I find reason if there’s still any to go on…drama drama drama…I always end up being the one who loses grip of everything I hold dear for. Perhaps I have an undiagnosed masochistic disorder running inside my brain. I just couldn’t figure out what seems to be wrong … why I always end up getting bad things when all I did was the right thing…does this mean that I should turn into a bad person so at least I will not stay on the losing side…I know all martyrs have earned their credit for all the pain, sorrow and sacrifices they have gone through standing up for what they believe in. of all the things in this world, I never dreamt of being a martyr…perhaps it’s turn to be bad this time…I have always tried to do the right thing yet I end up being the one who is taken for granted and the one who is left to bleed or practically to die with all the pain…I am fed up with life…It’s time that I turn bad…people change, sometimes, no matter how we try to always be good, there will always come a time when you will be compelled to against everything you believe is right to make something good happen…I am making that “good” happen…

Superb!

I never realized what a jewel Leona Lewis is to music until I saw this video...never seen a heartfelt performance like this...it really is the best performance ever...Enjoy!

One Oprah “Aha!” Moment

Last night, even though I have busted my eyes all day working in front of the computer, I found myself struggling to sleep. I had one of my dormant insomnia conditions. When I mean dormant, it tells of those times when I suddenly caught myself thinking clear of things, things that I never come to my mind or have come to my mind but seem to have forgotten.

I remember, during those periods when I was living on Oprah re-runs, she said that when a woman gives up on a relationship that does not necessarily mean that she put a period on the newly acquired single status. It only means that she gave up…TRYING. You see, in a relationship, it is mostly the woman who is the nurturing party. While we see muscles on our men, it is actually us women who are taking care of them and not the other way around. Even in marriage, the women are ones who are responsible in making it work. With that, in all marriages that had reached their 10th, 20th, and Nth anniversary, a statue must be erected to honor the handiwork of the wives. Relationships simply work that way. Relationships in every inch depend on how long a woman can bear.

In every culture, a cheating husband could be more acceptable than a cheating wife. A cheating boyfriend is way cool-er than a cheating girlfriend. A cheating boyfriend will be tagged by his friend, “the Man’, while cheating girlfriends are tagged as “The Whore”. While it is easy to forgive a cheating husband, why is it that a cheating wife or girl friend be put on the same level of virtue? I am not pro-cheating…but CHEATING happens.

Cheating is not just about another man or woman interfering with a seemingly solid and beautiful relationship. Cheating is defined as betraying the very foundation of a relationship. More than bondage, loyalty, love, commitment… it is the act of sharing life…sharing each day growing together, learning about the world..TOGETHER…that is worth more than a women or a man to destroy. This is what men don’t understand. When they cheat on their woman, it is actually not the unfaithful act that pisses off their woman…it is the betrayal of the reasons, things, philosophies and everything that brought them together to be in a relationship, to live a life together, to live as one, which he chose to be just a worth “WHILE”.

What truly hurts women in a relationship is the realization that everything she worked damn hard to keep the relationship, everything that she sacrificed to hang on, every part of her life that was sacrificed and all the remainder of her life doing foolish things to keep her man entertained, satisfied and love her was simply thrown away WITHOUT REAL APPRECIATION OF THE TROUBLE SHE HAS TAKEN…WITH NO THOUGH OF HOW SHE MAY BE OF THINGS, WITHOUT SEEING THROUGH HER...AND NOT JUST THINK OF HIMSELF…I thought I knew enough about love…it seems I knew nothing at all…surely, everyone has issues but what’s the point of a relationship when there’s already no bondage, no sharing and no assurance, no nothing…life would be hell for some woman who is put in that position...

Crazy Beautiful

Life is crazy as it is beautiful. It will give you everything you need but not everything you want. Most of the time, you don’t feel so good because in the way of giving you everything you need, you don’t get everything you want. Most of the time, things may go as you planned and yet you don’t feel any satisfaction from it. It is not in our power to be everything we wanted and do everything we wanted. It is only God who has the power over everything and anything in our life. Most people feel miserable in life because they refuse to acknowledge this fact. We certainly have limitations and accepting those limitations should make us happy with the things that we enjoy and take joy from. The acceptance of these limitations gives us satisfaction, and ultimately, real happiness that is way better than any plans could accomplish.

Pet Crisis

I have a pet named “toyang”. He is a guinea pig, which I named after a popular song of my favorite Pinoy band. My sister gave him to me as birthday gift. At first, I was reluctant to mothering a pet because I did not know how to take care of him. Aside from feeding, I was not even sure how often should he need to be bathed or does he even need to be bathed. Fortunately, we had this thing called ‘internet’ to educate me on the matter. And so, everything went smoothly…that was until I needed to move.

I needed to move to a new place because I needed to attend school. As I checked out the neighborhood, I felt quite pleased with my decision for I seemed to have found a very nice area. Of course, I brought “toyang” with me. Boy the little one was exhausted because of the attention he got during our trip. Little did I know, he was already feeling not so good. What seemed to be fatigue in my eyes were actually a tell-tale sign of an illness, which my ignorance failed to spot. As we settle in our new home, his condition got worse. While I was all in awe of our new neighborhood, I failed to even think if there is a pet shop nearby or a veterinarian which I can bring “toyang”. To my dismay, there weren’t any.

That was the time when I regretted my decision to move in that area. If only I did not overlooked the details regarding “toyang’s” needs. I know people might find this story of mine hilarious but it is a serious matter to people who truly love their furry friends. He was after all my baby.

So, after driving to the city to get help for toyang, I have decided to make another move. This time, I was eyeing a property similar to the beautiful ones posted at Wilmington NC Real Estate, which incidentally is known for their humane efforts to create an animal and pet-friendly community. I have taken the liberty to survey the area and it was quite a neighborhood. One great thing about it is that the community has a support group regarding pet/animal care. They have a community veterinarian that caters to both farm and domesticated animals. With that, who knows ? I may even get NJ, my son, a dog or a cat. But before I get carried away, I have to go to “toyang” now for his medicine… did you know what the doctor said about his illness? – A furry case of jetlag.