June 4, 2005
At 10:15 PM, I finally gave birth to a little boy. But because I was sedated, I failed to lay eyes on my baby because my body gave in to the fatigue of bearing more than 12 hours of excruciating pain due to contraction…
When I first woke up, I wondered where I was…wearing a hospital gown and a little disoriented…my first words were “tapos na?!”
So I wondered…where was the baby?
The nurse said, “He’s in the nursery, puntahan mo na lang sya if nacarecover ka na ng lakas…rest muna po kayo?”
4:00AM. I forced myself into a wheel chair, which happens to be placed beside my hospital bed. While my sister “on-guard” is asleep, I sneaked into the elevator to find where the hospital’s nursery is located. To my dismay, I found out that it was on the next floor…so clutching my weak knees, I forced myself to go to the elevator and head where that damn nursery is.
So I was there, at the door, telling the nurse “on-shift” that I was dying to see my baby. And with a smirk on my face, I asked, “miss, lalaki ba talaga?”
Laughing, the nurse said, ”halika po tingnan nyo na”.
When I first saw the baby, it was like meeting another person…Although I know that I’m his mother, I am still in denial that my responsibilities is deeply spelled in this peacefully sleeping baby. So I held him close, observed, and even peeked into his diaper to see if he is really a boy. You see, our family is dominated by females. So I never expected that I was carrying a boy. And having a boy of my own, I was deeply satisfied.
From that day, I got hooked to that baby, that little tyrant of mine. Whenever he “screams” (he never did cry you know) for milk, I immediately fix what was needed just to shut him up. My head is spinning every time he asks/demands what is needed to be fixed. And whenever I ‘m on the verge of losing my patience, I just thought that “hey, maybe he is smart, he demands what he needs and knows how to get it. That settles me somehow…
One…two…three years later…I find comfort in observing this peacefully sleeping little boy beside me. Our small bed brings us closer every night. Our little world made both of us grow out of the trials and hardships that comes with being a parent and a child of a messed up mamay. Our occasional treats to Jollibee has tightened our inexplicable lust for spaghetti and fries. We survived the tantrums, the spanking, the yelling and the arguments over meals or tv programs that we are watching. What I appreciate during those times is that he still relies on me for everything that he needs. Two…three years after this, maybe it will not be the same…maybe things will be different…but I will always be his mamay.
Having learned his ABCs, numbers and a little bit of kid songs…having learned his devotion for Mr. Bean, this little boy will always have a special place in my heart…in my life…he means everything to me…as I hope that I am everything to him. But one thing that will not change is that we survived everything together. As much as I wanted to, I will always guide this boy through everything that he need to or choose to experience…as he has guided me, in his own little ways.
Every time I go to work, I am driven and motivated to do more every time he gives me a big hug, goodbye kiss, and his cute “ingat!!” as I climb into my daily pedicab ride. What more can I ask for in this life? I am blessed, I am eternally grateful for experiencing everything I had to…raising a child.
This is for you NJ. To the greatest kid a mother could have…I love you so much son…thank you for everything…although you may not think of it…you gave me more than what I gave you…I love you son!!! Happy birthday!!
At 10:15 PM, I finally gave birth to a little boy. But because I was sedated, I failed to lay eyes on my baby because my body gave in to the fatigue of bearing more than 12 hours of excruciating pain due to contraction…
When I first woke up, I wondered where I was…wearing a hospital gown and a little disoriented…my first words were “tapos na?!”
So I wondered…where was the baby?
The nurse said, “He’s in the nursery, puntahan mo na lang sya if nacarecover ka na ng lakas…rest muna po kayo?”
4:00AM. I forced myself into a wheel chair, which happens to be placed beside my hospital bed. While my sister “on-guard” is asleep, I sneaked into the elevator to find where the hospital’s nursery is located. To my dismay, I found out that it was on the next floor…so clutching my weak knees, I forced myself to go to the elevator and head where that damn nursery is.
So I was there, at the door, telling the nurse “on-shift” that I was dying to see my baby. And with a smirk on my face, I asked, “miss, lalaki ba talaga?”
Laughing, the nurse said, ”halika po tingnan nyo na”.
When I first saw the baby, it was like meeting another person…Although I know that I’m his mother, I am still in denial that my responsibilities is deeply spelled in this peacefully sleeping baby. So I held him close, observed, and even peeked into his diaper to see if he is really a boy. You see, our family is dominated by females. So I never expected that I was carrying a boy. And having a boy of my own, I was deeply satisfied.
From that day, I got hooked to that baby, that little tyrant of mine. Whenever he “screams” (he never did cry you know) for milk, I immediately fix what was needed just to shut him up. My head is spinning every time he asks/demands what is needed to be fixed. And whenever I ‘m on the verge of losing my patience, I just thought that “hey, maybe he is smart, he demands what he needs and knows how to get it. That settles me somehow…
One…two…three years later…I find comfort in observing this peacefully sleeping little boy beside me. Our small bed brings us closer every night. Our little world made both of us grow out of the trials and hardships that comes with being a parent and a child of a messed up mamay. Our occasional treats to Jollibee has tightened our inexplicable lust for spaghetti and fries. We survived the tantrums, the spanking, the yelling and the arguments over meals or tv programs that we are watching. What I appreciate during those times is that he still relies on me for everything that he needs. Two…three years after this, maybe it will not be the same…maybe things will be different…but I will always be his mamay.
Having learned his ABCs, numbers and a little bit of kid songs…having learned his devotion for Mr. Bean, this little boy will always have a special place in my heart…in my life…he means everything to me…as I hope that I am everything to him. But one thing that will not change is that we survived everything together. As much as I wanted to, I will always guide this boy through everything that he need to or choose to experience…as he has guided me, in his own little ways.
Every time I go to work, I am driven and motivated to do more every time he gives me a big hug, goodbye kiss, and his cute “ingat!!” as I climb into my daily pedicab ride. What more can I ask for in this life? I am blessed, I am eternally grateful for experiencing everything I had to…raising a child.
This is for you NJ. To the greatest kid a mother could have…I love you so much son…thank you for everything…although you may not think of it…you gave me more than what I gave you…I love you son!!! Happy birthday!!
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2 comments:
i will never experience the privilege of giving birth but i know that raising a child a tough responsibility especially for the mother. but beyond the responsibility is the joy that you will feel that you contributed in bringing a new life in this world. pero dawa ano an gibuhon ta, an mga aki magkakaigwa man nin mga sadiri nindang isip pag nagdakula. sabi ngani ni Kahlil Gibran:
"You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams."
we love our children because they are the extensions of ourselves. they are supposed to outlive us. they are our legacy. they will see the future that we will never see.
it really is something to be a mother... i mean, you have this special feeling towards having siblings and for your parents for loving you.. but when you become a mother, the elation is on different level...
I know you're really a good mom. :D
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