My Prayer

Dear God,

I am humbled by all the problems… I am humbled by YOUR way of teaching me how cruel life is when I reached too high, blindsided by the things I wanted and planned on my own, losing touch of the people and the things that means more in my life.

I appreciate the effort of gradually melting all the fury I keep inside me, which gave me quite an excuse to hurt the people who have hurt and ruined everything I worked so hard for. Serves them right, but to my shame, I reflected, what did that make me become? No better than those people I hated...

I appreciate YOUR way of throwing all the stones, which I have thrown them, back at me to make me realize how a self-righteous bitch I have become through all the years I so believed that I am always right.

Thanks for continuously hurting my pride to make me realize that my pride is my greatest villain. Thanks for helping me gradually lose this weakness of mine as it keeps me from facing the realities of what my life has actually become. Thanks for robbing me with all the reasons to pretend that everything is alright, when it is actually not.

I know life hurts and the road to my destiny is not supposed to be easy. I don’t promise that I will cease my complaints, but I promise to try to rise above my shame and mistakes.

When all I got is envy for people whose life went smoothly, just the way they planned, while I am left with other people’s shit to deal with, thanks for sending me a flicker of something to hold on…a flicker of hope that after all the mess, I will be living and breathing my happy ending.

It comforts me that YOU are there to guide me, to test me, to provide for me while YOUR plans continue to torment me. Have more patience in me please… I can’t be strong on my own. I can’t keep on without the courage you constantly make me realize I had, all this time.

I may be the writer of my life. I am the one who will put words for it to take shape and assume a meaningful existence. I may be the one to decide which direction and style it should fit in. But I know that even when I try the hardest to polish and edit my work, YOU are still the toughest of the toughest editors I will ever encounter…that after YOU, I know facing all other stories to embrace will be a breeze.

‘Till you give me the green light to write my own story, I will miss all these...i figured, my life will be nothing but a snorefest. So I plead, continue doing what YOU are doing. I don’t care if you thrash all of my hard work. Feel free to draw red lines to the words, phrases and paragraphs or even chapters that are irrelevant and unnecessary. Check the portions I have done right. Write notes of improvement in some chapters. Write “you are full of shit!” in BOLD on the portions where I make no sense at all. I welcome your call for revision, rework and reviews. But please…all I ask is for YOU to keep me on.

Please give me the strength to bear with your demands, enlighten my will to explore more ‘stories’ in my life. The decision is beyond my hands. I am but a ‘humble’ writer in your big publishing house. Whether or not I am worthy, I promise I will try my hardest to qualify because YOU can't get rid of me that EASY, and YOU know that.

So until you grew tired of me, be fed up of throwing all these drama at my direction, I will appreciate more of the challenges YOU gave me to polish all my jagged edges, while its lasts. I dream of waking up to the day…as I will end up a beauty that is far beyond my expectations. Thanks to YOU.


Your craziest fan,
Wendastarr