He who is Blithely Aware Must Not Know

People may believe what they wanted to believe. Sometimes, it becomes their way of living. The will to believe is what brings hope to life. When everything seem to have been ruined and thrashed, all they have is what they believe are the means to survive. I believe that I am a strong person. But life seems to take it as a joke sometimes. It always puts me to tests that seem to tell me, "so you think you are tough, huh?" and end up barely breathing, torn and worn out.

I am humbled by my mistakes, my careless acts and my lack of better judgment. I am impulsive, temperamental and stubborn. I may have offended people, but I am not saying sorry, because I feel no remorse from what I did. Had I felt remorse and wished that I did not do what I did, I wouldn't learn. I wouldn't know the people who even when I don't know them, really cared. Though I may say excuse to my acts, I still trust my sharp senses. What I am trying to say is that my 'toughness' gets the better of me.

I don't believe in getting hit and then you just remain quiet. I am not contributing in the simple process of exchange that way. If there's an action, there's always a reaction. Dampening the natural process would render it insignificant and futile. It loses its substance. Whoever is perfect may point fingers at me...but I but I am me. I celebrate my flaws rather than my strengths. Odd as it seems, but that is me trying or struggling to control the monster in me in hopes of gaining a little bit more maturity.

I have strange ways of coping with hurt, with pain and with almost every emotion because I feel them right to the core and bury them in my heart. That is why it's very hard to forget, perhaps my heart and soul is not gilded for that. Maybe it's for something else. Maybe it is intended to do other things. Or maybe, just maybe, it's still maturing.

I believe...I hope.

So goes the saying, don't make curses when you are angry and don't make promises when you are happy. This is so true...caught red handed...BUT WHAT I SAID STILL HOLDS TRUE.

I believe...I believe.