My First

For as long as I have known myself, I realized that I am gifted with gab, but that kind of 'gab' that is exclusive to friends and family. If 'gab' is put into writing, that should definitely count as one of my assets. I was never a 'host' material. I have always worked behind the scene. Even with my school plays in high school, I was just the director, the writer, the story feeder. I was never out there for execution. I was more into making sure that the 'execution' meet my material's expectations.

So when I was asked to play emcee for a special occasion in our school, I thought, well, I can do it but I needed to have some moral and confidence boost. My personal life didn't help much. Thanks to my seedy resourcefulness. I told you, I never was someone who was up there doing the gabfest. But then, I decided to take on the challenge.

So there I was, holding the mic and wearing my salmon dress. I was never comfortable about my self being exposed right there, to add to that, never did I ever been comfortable in real girl's clothes. Thanks to my partner, I kept at my toes through the night. I thank him for standing beside me as it was really nervewracking. But I did it. Even when my moral is low and my confidence severed, I did it. Which makes me wonder, what can't I ever NOT DO now?

What I am trying to say is that even when everything has crumbled, I realized that it takes sheer courage to stand above the shame and the feeling of turmoil. Put a little perspective on it, step above the negativity to face all things positive. Even amidst the chaos, managing to do something constructive is a good sign. Just look at the person looking at you and rooting for you and believing that you can do great things, why ever would you not do beautifully with that confidence. I you have lost some confidence in your self, pull yourself together and take strength from the people who are right there, cheering for you, giving you a "hey, that went great. You were great!" For what reason will you ever stay low?

After that night, I celebrated with some friends and also managed to meet new ones. While I was wondering how did I ever got so lucky celebrating with some 'beautiful' people sitting at the same table with me, I even wondered how the heck did I ever got so lucky? Whatever did they see in me to make them decide I am worth their company? Maybe I still got it. Hahahahaha...I still got it!!!

So I thought, well, this is the way to move on. I still got it and BOY did I felt so
relieved and so revived with that thought in mind. I can't wait for tomorrow now. I can't wait to discover and enjoy more things that I thought I can't, but I incidentally can.