Doing Some Thinking

I had a serious talk with this dear friend of mine last night. actually, I have been going out for quite a while, to find answers...to find the fun in me, the kind of carefree person I used to be. Of all the people I know, this dear friend of mine seem to have the talent to see what's beyond me, slaps sense into my head and straightens me up when I needed to. For a smart girl, I always feel foolish around him about everything we are talking about...he really knows me and even when I say I'm okay, he knows I actually am not. I even do not have to say "hey, I have a problem" to him...he just comes to my rescue whenever he is needed, for always.

and so I told him about my problems and sought for a man's view of what I could have done wrong. he just told me plain and simple, it just did not work and sometimes, you do not have to explain and analyze everything in life because if you do, you'll go crazy. we do not have control of the minds and hearts of people we care about...I am lost...my friend explained that perhaps this line was about picking up the pieces of one's life. perhaps the man who said this to me was trying to pick up the pieces of his once shattered self, and decided I could not help him with that or that I am already a nuisance. I could really not get over the context of this line...it's so cocky and to ruin something i have been working hard on by this reason...I seem to understand now...I was just plain foolish giving this man every chance to hurt me and continuously leave me just when I needed him most.

with all the self respect that's left of me, I am committing to my own happiness. I am lucky to have people who loves me for me, flaws and all, no conditions, no hassles, no bullshits.

what I learned from this dear friend of mine is that it is important to value yourself first...that I do not need validation for my happiness and fulfillment. I'd like to believe that..but for now, I must keep afloat and block everything that seem to push me back...After all, I have no reason at all to go back...that's no good...not now...the damage is done, and that's what I will fix ...with the help of friends like this dear friend of mine...