REPERCUSSIONS

It is easy to be hard-hearted and apathetic especially to the person who caused you shame, pain and despair. It is easy to find joy in the sufferings of the ones who have done you wrong when you are still writhing in anger and bitterness. It is easy for anyone to say sorry for the things they have done, but it is hard for them to admit that even though they are sorry, they wouldn’t have done otherwise…

To the WOMAN who is now seeking my forgiveness for tearing my family apart, it is easy to find words to ask for what you need but I would not give you the liberty of not going through the repercussions of your actions. But surprisingly, I did not find joy in your anguish, satisfaction in your confusions, remorse at your "manufactured" sufferings and pity for all the crap you now have. YOU are the one who have put yourself in your position. So what do I feel? … pure ELATION.

When all the passion is gone, all that is left is the shallowness and nothingness from where you have started. In your doubts, trust is gone into the wind and all that is left is a life agonizing and worrying about the things that could have, may have, probably have and will happen. Now this circumstance is more than what I could have hoped for. So much for punishments. So much for life. So much for L O V E that you so proudly used to ruin the relationship and family I had.

Now you tell me. Now that YOU get to taste your own dose of your medicine, HOW DOES IT FEEL?

Stupid Girl

for as long as i can remember, I have worked for everything that I enjoy in my life. the trust bestowed upon me by my family is hard-earned, given my quite interesting life decisions in the past. every cent I spend is earned by every letter and word I have squeezed out of my overworked brain. but the things that matter more, like friendships and family, are surprisingly the things that i never need to work on just to be earned.

for many times, i have expressed my surprise and thanks to the people that surrounded me with love. during my low points, they were the ones that offered things that i need not ask; like support, like someone who will listen and someone who understands.

so no matter how life strikes me, it can strike me harder because this gal will never back down. give me your worst and I can will endure, I will stand, I will overcome whatever that may be.

in my life, I have weathered many storms. whatever is there in store for me, "bring it on baby!"

must I say, i should stop my pity party and stop my stupid negativity. i got everything going on for me, so there's no reason to complain about problems. just quit it wendy because this is the one thing that will ruin everything. quit your negativity and wake up. you deserve so much better and you know it.

work on it! earn it! own it! WAKE UP!!!

Love: A Little Less Complicated

Many people complain about falling into complicated relationships. There are people who find it hard to know when a relationship starts and be surprised when it ends. Many are clueless on why their relationships seem to be perfect, yet they ended up hurt as they were bound to breakups.

With relationships, people share part of themselves to another person. To some, they give their everything, not SHARE, which is a bad sign I suppose. To some, their status remains complicated because they have committed themselves to a person who is still unsure of what he wants and whoever he really wants to be with. The complications of relationships can go endless, but here’s a piece of my mind.

“Know what you want and who you love and want in life before you share your life to someone else.” Because if you get into a relationship of “convenience”, which means settling to whoever and whatever was available when you needed someone, you might end up hurting that person because he/she would only be a “progression” tool towards getting into the real thing.

The thing is, you need to know yourself first. Because otherwise, how can you ever really love someone if you don’t even know what you want in life? Do that and you’ll be saved from all these troubles.

Know what you want. Know who you love. That way, you will be able to lead the life and lasting relationship that you sure want to spend your lifetime.

To My Everything

June 4, 2010 is my son’s 5th birthday. In my continuing tradition of writing him a belated post for his birthday, here's what I have in mind:

Son, the past year has been extremely difficult for me. Mama was in a rollercoaster ride of her life. I was betrayed by the people whom I thought would care for us and we were left behind to face and settle the mess … we were left on our own. Thankfully, we have a wonderful family that has been our rock and strength for all these years. Although I once failed to blink back my tears and showed you a miniscule moment of my weakness, you were there to ease my pain. Your hugs kept me going, your faith in me kept me believing in myself. You made me feel your love and your impact in my life, which I realized to be everything I needed to settle with all the difficulties and all the pain that life has given us.

During my lowest points, you were there to watch DVD marathons of my favorite movies, sitting beside me until you fall asleep, staying with me even when you don’t like what I was watching. Whenever I need air to breathe, I just watch you, full of energy, full of life, making me realize that there is still more good things in my life…YOU. Whenever I needed a breather, we go to the arcade together, we eat ice cream together, we laugh, play games … even for the slightest measurement of time, I forgot my problems, I forgot all my pain … you replaced it with hope, love and forgiveness.

The thing is that during those times that I needed to be taken cared of, you were there. You and your huge curious eyes looking up at me, feeling that there was something wrong with me. You kept me sane and you brought me back to what I was, what I used to be and what I will become…your devoted mom.

In a short span of five years, you have taught me all about life, strength and purpose. You gave me the love that I was looking for, in all directions. You made me realize what I can be, which is the best person and the best mother any kid can ever have. I will have that as my life’s mission, because son … you deserve the best.

Sometimes, when I marvel at your beauty and awesomeness, I think back and say, “what did I ever do to deserve you?”

But then I realized, no matter how hard things can be, life will only get better as long as you are there, by my side, adoring me as your strict disciplinarian, crazy buddy, your clueless tutor, your bully, your friend, your first love… your Mama … your everything as you are my everything.

I love you son, five years since the day I was gifted with the best son any parent can ever have. Five years have passed and we are getting better. I am getting better at this mothering thing…because of you…because you help me become one for both of US.

Now's the time

For so long, I have been relying on other people to tell me how to fix my life. I have been waiting on that one person to complete me and give me the reassurance I needed to straighten up my life. I thought I can rely on people, I thought I needed to be taken cared for. But now I realized that I have been doing all those things for other people but myself. I am left hanging, waiting and postponing things in my own life, and for what? It is time to make up my own mind. It is time to do things my way. It is time to for me to hold on to my own steering wheel and lead the way. I can do this, I know I can. I am capable, I am strong and I can do it. Just a few months more, I will sure do it this time. I want my son to be proud of me and I will never disappoint him, not this time.

Thank You

"Love is patient, Love is kind,
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud, It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.

Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.

L o v e N e v e r F a i l s."


I thank the one person who taught me this important lesson about life. No matter how much you have hurt me, I can't explain why the hate easily goes away. Maybe because I still love you, but not the same way as when we were together. You taught me painfully, you taught me hard and you taught me well. For that, I am honestly thankful because without that, I will never get to become the person I am now. and I like ME now.

Once you love a person, you share your life with him. And when what you had was real, the love never goes away, it stays. Love changes people in so many ways. But though love hurts and easily harbors hate, love finds a way for forgiveness. It comes with hope that though it failed to bind us, I am capable of honestly hoping for your happiness. Because no matter how I try to erase you, you had your spot and it will always be your spot, that I realize now. But though love stays, it is never a guarantee for forever. People change and no matter how you control that, it happens.

Thank you for teaching me so much. I will carry on with my life remembering you as the brutal teacher I never had, the one person that really served me good no matter how this idea seems stupid or irrational. But that is life. If you did not do what you did to me, I will never realize that I am surrounded by these people who truly love me. That I am capable of being loved with no condition. I thank you for helping me find the way to a new love, that I might live by for all my years, for all my life...and of course, I hope I have left you with something to help you get through with your life.

My sincerest thanks to YOU.

You are not Alone

Many times, people suffer in silence, tucked away in a corner of solitude. They wallow into their own issues and problems, trying to find solutions that would prevent the worst to come. Many times, people think the worst could happen, entertaining pessimism, which cultivate depression, frustrations and disappointments and cloud their better judgment. They think they were the only ones suffering as they are.

Then suddenly, when reality kicks in, clarity will be upon their shoulders. When people suffer together, there forms an inexplicable bond that gathers them together in suffering, in pain and through adversities. Many times, you thought you were the only one suffering, but that was before you turned to your neighbors, to your brothers and to your sisters.

People suffer together. We all have our own problems. But to the billions of people living in this world, there are several dozens and hundreds that are dealing with the same problems you have. There are dozens and hundreds of people feeling the same pain, enduring the same trials and hating the ones who’ve wronged them.

The thing is, we are not alone. No matter how hard life becomes, we are never alone. People suffer together, become happy together as they live in the same world where we all exist. So hang in there, you are not alone. You’ve got dozens and hundreds of people suffering and fighting the same battles you have, hating the same kind of people you hate and changing the same mistakes that you also made.