Feeling Old

Yes. Old. This was my first thought this morning. Not because I feel aches here and there or that I already noticed having my first facial lines, not yet. I felt old because the first thing I did coming out of bed this morning is fixing breakfast, tending to the plants and yard, running my laundry for machine wash and laying out my computer in the kitchen table while waiting for everyone to gather and start with breakfast. With a cup of joe nearby, I started skimming the morning news online. Then I thought, this is so stereotypically old. When was the last time that I just woke up then thought of where to go and how to gather my friends for some 411? I used to be so fun and so selfish and just plain focussed on how to spend the day albeit thoughts of work, child needs to get uniforms, meals to prepare for the day and other domestic stuff. Have I been so domesticated and old? Or did I just grew up to be a responsible old person. I don't blame the society for being too harsh about aging but since 30 became the new 20, I was at lost of roles... then I thought maybe I was the one just fussing about being old when what's happening is just I became responsible for many things that concerns not only myself but some other people I care about, and that I began caring for them, like I am supposed to do.

So I settled into thinking that I am just growing up, responsibly that is. Growing old, I'll get there, but it's too early for that right now.

I Feel Hot

I know it's kinda pointless complaining about the heat when other people from the other side of the world are complaining about the cold. I know no one can do something about it but the heat really gets to me, especially when I am working. It's very difficult to force your brain to work when it it practically getting fried under heat. If only I can find something like a radiator to keep things cool and bearable. Being the practical me, I don't want to be dependent on air conditioning as it will cost me BIG time! So big thanks to visualization, mediation and mind conditioning practices, I manage to bear with the heat. I even coax my son to stay in his inflatable pool just to keep cool, and also to keep him from bothering me when I am too engrossed working in my laptop. I am praying that rainy season will come sooner.

Mother Back to School

I know that it has become a privilege for modern-day mothers to be able to accompany their children to and from school, to be present in their school shows and activities and to be simply present for them...period. Now that I am under my "mother's scholarship" in pursuing my post-graduate studies in exchange of being her girl-Friday, I have the time to be an active parent for my first-grader. Now that my son has accomplished all of his admission requirements, and I am done with my own admission requirements, it's time to go shopping for uniforms and supplies. 'Must be fun.

What I look forward to this year is the chance to really pay attention to my son. Although I am a teacher, I never had the chance to really help my son study his lessons or prepare for his exams, which explains my bowling tears when he went up the stage to receive his medals during his preparatory graduation. I felt really guilty that it was the only event that I attended for him that year. But this year, things may be different. I will be in every occasion, every time, any where.

Of course, I have my own studying to do, but the great thing is that I will have my study table shared with my son. Imagine digging our noses in our own books, the quiet study time with hot cocoa on the side. Now I don't know about you but that is bliss for me. Sharing and instilling the importance of good education to your child in your own fun way!

Chasing for the BEST

Many times, my family expressed their low opinion of what I do, or maybe, their low opinion of me. I feel it whenever they turn a half ear when I am sharing about something that they might appreciate, but turned out to be just one of the nonsense I seem to always feed them. I feel it whenever they just go to the corner discuss something as if I am an imbecile. I am beginning to think that coming here in this place is a big mistake. I am sinking fast...my morale is sinking fast.

But then again, I thought, would I rather discuss with them how Google analytics work to make websites get top ranks whenever somebody uses major search engines like google, yahoo and aol? Should I discuss with them that search engine optimization is the holy grail of small businesses, particularly those that managed to earn millions of revenues in just one year? Should I discuss how to make the best tags to make any blog or website searchable and practically accessible to the people who matter? Should I discuss with them how link backs earn more readerships for PR sites, potential clients for company websites as well as how blogs turn out to be simplest yet most effective way of saving company millions of dollars in advertising-in achieving the same results-money money money? Will that make what I do more acceptable?

Yeah right they are the smart ones, that their job is the BEST, but that doesn't mean that that's what's best FOR ME.

The Job I Want...Need

I want a job that will allow me the time to send my son to school in the morning, have breakfast and dinner with him, which honestly are the only things I look forward to each day. I want a job that pays me well so I can save and finally afford to bring my son to the magnificent scenes of “Chocolate Hills”(Bohol, Philippines), an experience that I want to share with him just to prove that no matter how bleak my shots are at really doing it, I am determined to do it for him.

I want a job that allows me to work in peace, because I am a freak under pressure. I want a job that makes me feel important, if you ever know how it feels to help a company gain higher page ranking and Google recognition for searches then you know what I mean. I want a job that strictly limits itself to the 8-hour work regulation. And that’s exactly the job that I’ve got.

 I may not have colleagues to interact with or seminars to go to, but I am buck happy at keeping tabs with everything that you can do with a laptop and Internet. I am happy to work at home while having the luxury of peeking through the room to look at the programs that my son is watching on TV, or steal kisses and hugs in between. In simple words, I got the job I want. Now the only problem is enjoying it!

Mumbling...Thinking

For so long, I have been quite concerned about comparing my life with others, especially with those whom I attended school with. It gives me much concern that I might be really falling behind. You see I didn’t finish college in my “ideal” and “planned” setting. ‘Got knocked up but learned a lot. Admittedly, there are sacrifices that come as a default for young unwed mothers like me, like being slow in chasing a career. Like being unsure if this career or job would be enough to feed me and my baby, or is the job cool enough to feed my ego, which is pretty much on the sensitive side given that I felt I really missed a lot and have to make up for all of that---but I can’t.

Suddenly, as I was sweating out my first articles at work, which I did in lightning speed, I realized that this is something that I am good at. It may not be the coolest job but it is a job that I do well. It is a job that I feel really comfortable doing because it is the job that keeps me sane. Although people may disagree that this is the smartest choice of career for me, maybe I am just not who they think I am because I am happy and settled at what I do, which is actually great. So I've got to pull myself together and start smiling. I'm spending so much time worrying and being unhappy about things that should not matter. I'm getting allergies already, which according to WebMd, is a sign of stress.So wake up nutty head! Go back to work!

Writing...Again

I thought I will never come to this point again. But I am here now and I must never neglect this writing haven I have built for myself some years ago. In the coming days, I would like to do a post journal for all of the experiences I can remember from the past year. It's a pity I missed writing about so many things. Although I am quite surprised at how hard it really is to be a teacher, I have learned a lot from the experience. Now, I am back to my old job and to the work I have come to love. This must be fate working, or maybe just career decision. But all I know isI am back to writing for now. Who knows what I will do next. Sorry blog, Mama's home and I will feed you more with my memories, nonsense and everything else that made and makes my life quite a ride.

'Till next!

PS. I'll leave you to marvel at this sketch of Katniss and Peeta. May she capture your heart the same way she did to mine. She's just so lovely!