Mother and I

My relationship with my mother is one that I can compare with marriage. The only difference is that with marriage, you get to choose the person you will commit your 'lifetime' with. But, if I would have to choose a mother, I honestly wouldn’t choose someone like her. 

Now my mother is far from the ideal mother that you may have in mind. She does not even meet the ‘average’ mother category, but that is not to say that she is the worst. Although she had her promiscuous years and she had done things that made her easy to hate, she is the mother that I have. Surprisingly, no matter how we disagree and fight, I honestly love my mother.

As I look back, I was equally stubborn to her as she is to my ‘advice’. I even come to the point of harming myself just so I would force her to see things my way. Through it all, she was the only one who stuck with me through everything wrong I have done. She was as messed up as I was.

Now, I had the chance to live with her again, this time that I have found my own pace and direction in life. Although the situation somehow limited my freedom to go as I please, being all grown up with my own child in tow, I decided to be with her. I know she needed me and even if she doesn’t show it, she needed my guidance. She is making a conscious effort to correct and make up for all her past mistakes and hurt caused in our family. She needed me to see how hard she is trying, and I am happy to be with her through the process.

Sometimes, my mother drives me crazy with her boisterous chatter and somehow out of this world assumptions about people and about life. It’s pretty much living with a tactless kid who is so stubborn to even listen to you. But at the end of the day, I am happy to make her feel that she is making progress, growing up while growing older, as I am happy to also learn valuable and sometimes crazy insights from her, which I will treasure for all my life. 

Happy 7th Birthday Day Son!

Every year, on your birthday,

I think about how glad I am

that you were born,

how thankful I am to have you in my life.

Every year is another year

filled with the special joys you bring

just by being yourself.

Every year, when you open your birthday gifts,

realize what a gift you are

to everyone who knows you,

especially me.

Happy Birthday!

"Papa I have to go now, I'm busy..."

My son's 7th birthday is coming up and we were deciding on the guest list. Then just for pure amusement, I told my son, "what do you think about inviting your father and your other sister to the party?" Then a looong silence followed. He never answered my question, he was just silent and his serious "mafia lord" face was on, and so I dropped the subject and moved on recalling the names of his classmates.

This is what I feared the most, my son feeling so distant from his father. Since he is older now and even more aware of our family situation, I cannot do anymore damage control regarding his relationship with his father. He now can think on his own.

I remember the days when he would hound me every Monday when I arrive from school, getting my cellphone, putting it on the table and waiting for his father's promised weekly call. I used to remember his long and laud laugh whenever he realizes his father called him. I remember the squeal of delight whenever he hears his big voice. Even when he jumbles words because he speaks so fast, seems like he wanted to tell his father many things, realizing that their talk-time is limited. It was a sight that used to pinch my heart - because I felt how my son yearns for more. That this limited time they have together - I can never give him any substitute for it. And now I really want to give his father, excuse my words, a serious ass-kicking for being such an ASS.

So the calls become less and less. My heart hurts whenever my son quit waiting and playing beside the phone and tell me he's ready to sleep now. For weeks that his father forget or "was too busy" to call him, this was the sight. Then he finally asked me, "bakit di na tumatawag sa akin si Papa? (why is Papa not calling me anymore?)" I just answer him, "... maybe he is too busy at work because he works in this big office and that he is too important so he has many things to do. Or, he maybe taking care of your sister, maybe she is not feeling well so he needs to attend to her." My excuse was always the same.

Then eventually, he quitted asking. And so my son lost interest. I started noticing how he is almost forced to just put the phone against his ear in the few times that his father remembers to call him. He even begs me off, telling his Papa, "busy ako, nagpeplay ako eh. (I have to go. I'm busy playing.)" and then he hands me the phone and run away, so I just opted updating hi father about all of his antics.

My heart hurts that my son has to go through this drama, but I know that he can pull through. Every time I embrace him, I hope deep in my heart that I will be enough for him. That the people I surround him, their love and unwarranted attention, will make him feel that he is not missing anything from his life. I guess I'll just try my best to remind him all of the people who love him dearly, people who have been around when he was feeling low, people who embraced him with love, and people who make him glow with appreciation for everything that he did right.

Mother Back to School

I know that it has become a privilege for modern-day mothers to be able to accompany their children to and from school, to be present in their school shows and activities and to be simply present for them...period. Now that I am under my "mother's scholarship" in pursuing my post-graduate studies in exchange of being her girl-Friday, I have the time to be an active parent for my first-grader. Now that my son has accomplished all of his admission requirements, and I am done with my own admission requirements, it's time to go shopping for uniforms and supplies. 'Must be fun.

What I look forward to this year is the chance to really pay attention to my son. Although I am a teacher, I never had the chance to really help my son study his lessons or prepare for his exams, which explains my bowling tears when he went up the stage to receive his medals during his preparatory graduation. I felt really guilty that it was the only event that I attended for him that year. But this year, things may be different. I will be in every occasion, every time, any where.

Of course, I have my own studying to do, but the great thing is that I will have my study table shared with my son. Imagine digging our noses in our own books, the quiet study time with hot cocoa on the side. Now I don't know about you but that is bliss for me. Sharing and instilling the importance of good education to your child in your own fun way!

Sensitive Much?

I admit that I am awfully sensitive whenever somebody comments on how I parent my child, especially if that somebody is my mother. Honestly, I don't look forward to being nagged at how to do things, I believe that my years on earth have given me enough know-how to work around things...or so I thought. Then, we talked about our issues and even my issues on how to do better in handling my child, and to my surprise, I saw her point clearly, which of course made me feel quite off. Bottomline is that I am lucky to have a mother, who immediately corrects me if I am about to do things the wrong way - well in her eyes at least. Experience may be what I am lacking, but my mother has lots of that. I have to give it to her, she talks of things that I really don't have any knowledge or insight of how things may turn out. Though I have faith in myself, sometimes, I needed to be cracked to take a better perspective at things I might be doing wrong, but not intentionally. I guess my mother is just doing her job, parenting me, raising me still even when I am already one... then I thought, parenting never stops and it crosses the boundaries of learning everything about family life.

Tight, Tighter, Tightest

These past few days were hectic. I was too preoccupied with things at school and at work. To add up to the week's hype, it is NJ's first periodical exam this Friday. Boy this week sure is challenging. So what's a mother to do? PRIORITIZE. Of course, NJ comes first, then I get my hands on my school notes and projects, then shall I get back to work. priorities and priorities, these are what guides me when all the things I need to do seem to go beyond my hands. I know I can pull this week off. I only got 3 days to go and I am coping well so far. Next week will be another story. I got my midterm exams coming up. After messing up my prelim standing, this is my time to catch up and by God I will do that! So Wendy, focus! focus! focus!

AJA!

We single mothers are made for things like this...a monument should be erected in our honor...whew!!!

A Tribute to the Mothers all over the World

produced by Magnum Photos

A Mother's Day Tribute

Hello everyone, with all my article assignments leaning on the special celebration of mother's day, I have decided the best materials I found. I hope all mothers out ther would enjoy these...



MORE THAN A MOTHER

When God set the world in place,
when He hung the stars up in space,
when He made the land and the sea,
then He made you and me.

He sat back and saw all that was good,
He saw things to be as they should.
Just one more blessing He had in store;
He created a mother, but whatever for?

He knew a mother would have a special place
to shine His reflection on her child's face.
A mother will walk the extra mile
just to see her children smile.
She'll work her fingers to the bone
to make a house into a home.

A mother is there to teach and guide,
a mother will stay right by your side.
She'll be there through your pain and strife,
she'll stay constant in your life.

A mother will lend a helping hand
until you have the strength to stand.
She'll pick you up when you are down,
when you need a friend she'll stick around.

A mother is one who listens well,
will keep her word; will never tell.

A mother never pokes or pries
but stands quietly by your side,
giving you the strength you need,
encouraging you to succeed.

A mother is one who can be strong
when you need someone to lean on.

You're more than a mother to me;
a reflection of Him in your face I see,
a love that knows no boundaries.

I'm glad that you chose to be
all this and more to me.
You share a love that knows no end,
you're more than my mother,
you are my friend.


~By Kari Keshmiry~

for NJ

June 4, 2005

At 10:15 PM, I finally gave birth to a little boy. But because I was sedated, I failed to lay eyes on my baby because my body gave in to the fatigue of bearing more than 12 hours of excruciating pain due to contraction…

When I first woke up, I wondered where I was…wearing a hospital gown and a little disoriented…my first words were “tapos na?!”

So I wondered…where was the baby?
The nurse said, “He’s in the nursery, puntahan mo na lang sya if nacarecover ka na ng lakas…rest muna po kayo?”

4:00AM. I forced myself into a wheel chair, which happens to be placed beside my hospital bed. While my sister “on-guard” is asleep, I sneaked into the elevator to find where the hospital’s nursery is located. To my dismay, I found out that it was on the next floor…so clutching my weak knees, I forced myself to go to the elevator and head where that damn nursery is.

So I was there, at the door, telling the nurse “on-shift” that I was dying to see my baby. And with a smirk on my face, I asked, “miss, lalaki ba talaga?”

Laughing, the nurse said, ”halika po tingnan nyo na”.

When I first saw the baby, it was like meeting another person…Although I know that I’m his mother, I am still in denial that my responsibilities is deeply spelled in this peacefully sleeping baby. So I held him close, observed, and even peeked into his diaper to see if he is really a boy. You see, our family is dominated by females. So I never expected that I was carrying a boy. And having a boy of my own, I was deeply satisfied.

From that day, I got hooked to that baby, that little tyrant of mine. Whenever he “screams” (he never did cry you know) for milk, I immediately fix what was needed just to shut him up. My head is spinning every time he asks/demands what is needed to be fixed. And whenever I ‘m on the verge of losing my patience, I just thought that “hey, maybe he is smart, he demands what he needs and knows how to get it. That settles me somehow…

One…two…three years later…I find comfort in observing this peacefully sleeping little boy beside me. Our small bed brings us closer every night. Our little world made both of us grow out of the trials and hardships that comes with being a parent and a child of a messed up mamay. Our occasional treats to Jollibee has tightened our inexplicable lust for spaghetti and fries. We survived the tantrums, the spanking, the yelling and the arguments over meals or tv programs that we are watching. What I appreciate during those times is that he still relies on me for everything that he needs. Two…three years after this, maybe it will not be the same…maybe things will be different…but I will always be his mamay.

Having learned his ABCs, numbers and a little bit of kid songs…having learned his devotion for Mr. Bean, this little boy will always have a special place in my heart…in my life…he means everything to me…as I hope that I am everything to him. But one thing that will not change is that we survived everything together. As much as I wanted to, I will always guide this boy through everything that he need to or choose to experience…as he has guided me, in his own little ways.

Every time I go to work, I am driven and motivated to do more every time he gives me a big hug, goodbye kiss, and his cute “ingat!!” as I climb into my daily pedicab ride. What more can I ask for in this life? I am blessed, I am eternally grateful for experiencing everything I had to…raising a child.

This is for you NJ. To the greatest kid a mother could have…I love you so much son…thank you for everything…although you may not think of it…you gave me more than what I gave you…I love you son!!! Happy birthday!!