Writing...Again

I thought I will never come to this point again. But I am here now and I must never neglect this writing haven I have built for myself some years ago. In the coming days, I would like to do a post journal for all of the experiences I can remember from the past year. It's a pity I missed writing about so many things. Although I am quite surprised at how hard it really is to be a teacher, I have learned a lot from the experience. Now, I am back to my old job and to the work I have come to love. This must be fate working, or maybe just career decision. But all I know isI am back to writing for now. Who knows what I will do next. Sorry blog, Mama's home and I will feed you more with my memories, nonsense and everything else that made and makes my life quite a ride.

'Till next!

PS. I'll leave you to marvel at this sketch of Katniss and Peeta. May she capture your heart the same way she did to mine. She's just so lovely!

Education

In my current job as an educator, I had much expectations at how demanding it is in terms of time, effort and even patience. Sometimes, it makes me think and compare how easy my work was as a copywriter, having the time to just sit back and write as my thoughts soared, but then it also convinces me that this job allows me to share more and explore more to be part of the development of the students I care for. This way, the job also allows me to learn so much more and explore more of what I am capable of. Both jobs do not sit well on my body clock, both jobs drove me to wake up at 2 AM just to get everything settled and done when the actual work hours start. I have made my choice and I wouldn't want to have chosen otherwise.

Now that I am a teacher, I remembered how my aunts used to take painstaking hours doing their lesson plans, quizzes and exams and even their tedious methods of computing every student's grade/rating. Now that I am in the position of continuing this noble but unspoken and undeclared calling, which my family seem to be part of, I wanted to give more as I always did in every task I was given.

This may not mean anything to my young students, but I take this job very seriously. I just hope they listen more. It is somehow painful to see that all those efforts be put to waste because I may have overlooked the importance of catching their attention. It is often a source of frustration on my part that I find it a bit challenging to make students interested in my discussions, especially when the subject I teach is perhaps very far from their interests. They would rather love to study about science and math than study social issues, history and home economics. This is a challenge I am willing to rule out. I am laying out many ways on how to make the "uninteresting" somehow relatable and "interesting" to these young minds' taste. I have to. I need to. I shall will them to learn. That is a promise.

I have surpassed many challenges in my academic life, I know this is but another challenge that will mark my sleeve. The only difference is that if I pull it off, I served my purpose and that the young minds I nurture will gain much more.

Lost for Words

As I was reading my older post, I have noticed that it takes a while for me to write much these days. I guess it is a good sign. Like other bloggers, blogging about my frustrations in life made me a bit self-centered, only writing about me, what I feel, what was done to me, what I did to other people...me-me-me and ME. I guess I just run out of anything to talk about myself, or that everything is just okay and that I did not have anything to complain about. The thing is, I am happy the way things are... my little family, my love, my work, my home --- everything is in place. I guess I should write about the good things now. Life is still beautiful, just look for fortunes in unfortunate things and you'll soon realize, everything works out for the better. Be happy everyone!

Tricky Talks

Many times I have wondered why I feel more comfortable opening up my issues to my friends than to my siblings. Perhaps it could be the prospect of them stepping to my side in every situation without being fully judged or I felt that my sisters and I already have a great deal of issues to deal with for ourselves that some things need not to add up to whatever is already carried. Sometimes,things are best discussed with family because they are the ones who truly know you for what you are and that would understand you why you did the things you just did. As for friends, being more attached to what you are going through, they often give you advices that may either serve your own good (objective) or soothe your ego (butter you up just until you are not that vulnerable). On the other hand, friends often become the sounding board with sibling quarrels or vice versa. As for me, I guess I need to put up some more blogs for all my sentiments. Now I know, I am better at expressing myself by writing, not by yaking!

ONESELF

I believe that one’s healthiest relationship must be with himself. Learning to value your own values, freely love what you really love and embrace both your strengths and weaknesses are practices that can make anyone an able partner, an essence of a lasting and healthy relationship. Once a person manages this kind of relationship with himself, I believe that all his fears will be nonexistent and that whatever happens to the relationship he enters, he will have no regret because he will never come out of it broken…less hurt, less bitterness and less hassles. Ultimately, I believe this kind of personal relationship with oneself is the key to happiness. Happiness is never forced, it is shared and spread. To be happy in all facets of life, love, embrace and value one’s self first…the rest will just follow. Well this is but one random thought that crossed my mind this day. How about you?

Mumbling

Sometimes, when I am surrounded by pure quiet, I think about how I made my life become as it is. I wonder how those years came by and changed what and how I perceive myself. In all those years, I have gained strength, courage, tiny bit maturity and other things I wish I can put into words. I just naturally learned to compartmentalize my life - file those memories I want to hold on, memories I cherish, and lock away the memories that I wish never to remember. I even thought if I had offended somebody. I wondered if I may have caused them pain and despair, deep enough to turn things or lose some part of them along the way. All I can do is hope, because I know the feeling of the one being hurt and changed forever.

One thing I like about aging is realizing that not all laws of nature apply in actual life. Sometimes, there’s no need to retaliate. Sometimes, there’s no need to act. Sometimes, there’s no need to fight. Because sometimes, time comes when all things wrong become right and everything that cannot be done will become a possibility. 

Blimey!

Why are we always blaming life about how bad it can get?

When we lose a game, do we blame the cards or do we blame ourselves?

Life is like this. or rather. Humans are like this, when something goes wrong, we need a scapegoat. We cannot take the blame, we are just beings that doesn’t work that way. It is like on the verge of death, you would rather pull someone else in and bring them to take the bullet.

We always tend to look for things such happiness, love, eternal health or more. We look into our hands, hoping to find these cards. Yet we can never find it. We put down the cards, and look somewhere else. Sometimes yes indeed we cannot find what kind of cards we want, for example we cannot make a full house with pairs, but doesn’t mean you will lose everything just because you only have pairs.

Its as simple as the desire for that specific card, or something in life. life is evil or whatever people want to refer it to, it just does not give everything you want, in fact, it may even take away "something" from you. Then, you end up chasing for that "something", run for it. But sometimes, with all the effort you've done, for some reasons, that "something" would’t come to you.

Then, there is always a plan, THE plan. when things don’t go as planned, then things aren't working out. or is it?

Can't stop smiling

everything is just so serene. for some reasons, I couldn't stop smiling. i feel so inspired. thanks for making me happy... my best friend. thanks!

"Sick Day"

Today, my five year old woke me up at 2 AM complaining about muscle pain on his legs. I groggily scrambled to reach for the soothing liniment that I keep handy in my drawers to give him immediate relief. By morning, he asked me if he can skip school today because his leg hurts. I have learned that he was busy the day after. He spent his afternoon playing in the park and running around the garden playing with our neighbor’s kitten, which he frustratingly chased till dark.

Now, we are having breakfast. My boy curled up in a blanket while spooning his cereals. To me, this looks like an overacting kid who simply wanted to skip school on a lazy morning. Whoever did not pull this stunt when they were kids right? Seems like milk and cereals can do wonders to his spirits. He went into his usual lightning round of questions and so I realized he was okay. He figured that I figured that he was okay. So he ended up going to school anyway with me promising to answer more of his kid questions by the time he went home after school. I am bracing my quite rusty memory on that!

Sonnet 124

"If my dear love were but the child of state,
It might for Fortune's bastard be unfather'd
As subject to Time's love or to Time's hate,
Weeds among weeds, or flowers with flowers gather'd.
No, it was builded far from accident;
It suffers not in smiling pomp, nor falls
Under the blow of thralled discontent,
Whereto the inviting time our fashion calls:
It fears not policy, that heretic, 
Which works on leases of short-number'd hours,
But all alone stands hugely politic, 
That it nor grows with heat nor drowns with showers.
To this I witness call the fools of time,
Which die for goodness, who have lived for crime." --- Shakepeare


----> love doesn't come everyday. so when it finally comes knocking, take it, be open for it and grab hold of it...and then you see yourself making interesting and often foolish decisions in life.

Solitude

Today, I have spent quality time with myself. I just realized that I am losing my balance at handling things and that maybe I am a little uptight about some things. So I went on a solo date with myself. I went to the cinema alone, dined and tested the menu of the Italian resto near my school, tried out some window shopping, debated on whether or not to cut my hair short…again. I was happy to have done those things, things that I used to do when I was single, when I had no obligations yet, when I was free in many ways. Trying to squeeze some Me-time in quite a hectic daily routine is difficult especially when you need to do many things... for the sake of responsibility and obligations. It’s not about whining. It’s just realizing that as I become busy of taking care of things, I often forgot to take care of Me. Sometimes, it is not a bad thing to do something selfish once in a while…as long as it keeps you happy, it keeps you sane and it makes you feel like YOURSELF under any strain. 

I stand by You

In the world of strangers, you will meet friendly and cold faces. with pure luck, you may find someone you can trust and trust you back. With chance, you will meet the person whom you can give your heart to, as you will be given his/hers back. Lucky and blessed are the people who find someone to love. In the world where millions of people exist, it's a wonder why we are fated to find one heart to match our own. One thought to battle with our own. One body to embrace life with. People may get tired of love and may choose to be done with it, but I believe that every love is worth a chance. No life is perfect...no Love is perfect...

So my LOVE, just reach out to my heart. Call my name and my heart will hear...let me wash away your fears. let me shelter you with my warmth. let me love you with all my heart. don't fear the future. you--me...it's everything that matters. I stand by you. I'm here for you.

Here is the road back to the old me

For the past few days, I may have been physically sick but 'twas the five days in which I have discovered the way back to my own self. Thank God for the people around me, I now re-discovered what I was and improved how I view the world. This world may have crushed me empty...for so long I struggled bringing back my old self, the lively, colorful, feisty and quite irresponsible me. All I am saying is that I may have suffered a great deal for the past few days but those were quite memorable and life-changing. Those days brought my back to ME.

cryptic huh? well that's how life is anyway. I may have suffered enough personal downfalls but it's up to me how I will rise above it, step on it and move forward with the life that I have. and I decide to embrace it fully, especially now that I have all the reasons to live...better reasons to look forward to waking up each day for a new day.

Excuses Excuses

In life, you may complain about simple things like the heat or lengthy commutes. You can throw a fit over things like being ignored by the server in the fast food counter, which made you wait for hours just to grab a “fast” lunch, or just being ignored period. There are times when we get so easily pissed-off  by the most trivial things… like being asked to the nth time “are you okay?” when you are obviously not so let’s get our business done with. Now I know why some people sometimes act like jerks to unknowing bystanders…a nuisance.  But what can we do? We can’t help but feel miserable at times. My reason? I am sick with flu and I can’t beg off work, school or motherhood. At 39-degrees, I still have loads of paperwork and school runs to deal with. Bearing with niceties is real challenge when your headache drives you nuts. So give this woman a break will yah? Perhaps I should wear a shirt, “Beware: Jerk on the Loose!”

Silent Resilience

Why would anyone feel like a victim when there are no lost causes?

Self-pity is an excuse to do nothing. To appeal to sympathy for pity's sake is to seek affirmation of the choice to do nothing.

"I've been there, done that, and know suffering -- but it's all good. I'm still standing."

A Lesson of Respect

I am at peace. I know my place and my purpose in life. I know where life leads me and I know I will get there. My happiness, my joy, I know I deserve them all. I did not harm other people, ruin relations or bypassed any ties that resulted to everything I have. Now sometimes, people may disagree with me or disregard me, but they are part of life. Surely, people will see value in things that I have, and I respect that. I understand they may take from me, but everything that is taken always finds its way back.

In all my years, all I have learned is to give respect to earn respect, through good mature deeds. But while respect is earned, it may be given to those who needed it most. To those who are confused and uninformed, respect is given as they are yet to attain realization of facts and truths about things that relate to my life, to their lives. It is easy to throw blame and pass judgment at me, but they are meaningless to me. All I know is that people get what they deserve. So when opinions strike me or blame is thrown at me, I keep my stand. I may deserve that but I don’t pay much attention, because my respect is given to those who needed be. 

Nice Day

I guess I need to give myself a break. I dedicate this day for me. I have gone through a lot of stress last week. Lack of sleep, fun and company sure take toll on your buzz. After looking at how I did in my exams in school, I felt revived. Sulit na naman su tuition ko. Hahahaha! Why am I complaining anyway when the world is out there, waiting for me to come out. Maybe it’s what I need. Why do I even make myself miserable by thinking of other people’s problems, when I actually do not have any, not really! So there, I will go out and explore some possibilities. And maybe meet my darling along the way… yung ice cream ko ha? Laki na ng utang ko sayo pero yung ice cream ko muna. Enjoy your day people! I know I'll do.

Thank YOU for Loving ME

I don't know what you saw in me ...........    I might have dazzled you with my ............................

................................................WITS!

Thank you for coming into my Life

It's a Bitch to Grow Up

I actually borrowed this title from an Alanis Morissette song. Boy if I can only meet this fine artist, I would hold her hand and thank her for every song that she made. They really helped me straighten up my life and move on from all the dark chapters of the love that I had.

“I’ve spent my life hovering above bottom

Thinking I can’t survive what’s below”

Below…low points…I have been there and those times were nasty.

“…and there was no other direction to go…”

In every decision we make, we tend to get a feeling of whether it is wrong or right before everything goes for the better…or worst. If it sends you to a better place, then you must have done something good. But if it is sending you downhill and it feels that you can’t escape, you got no choice but hold on and brace yourself for all the consequences that you have to face… and even if you try your mightiest to escape, all the more that these problem and consequences stick around and bother you, unfinished businesses, keeping you from moving forward with your life… And at that same point, through all your uncertainties, pain, remorse, regret and efforts to change, you will realize that you actually have a lot more to learn…It is at that point that you start to really GROW UP.

“I feel done, I feel raked over coals, and all that remains is the case…that it’s a bitch to grow.”

It’s ironic right? Had you known what’s gonna be the ending of your conquests, would you have done it regardless of the future?

Thank You

"Love is patient, Love is kind,
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud, It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.

Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.

L o v e N e v e r F a i l s."


I thank the one person who taught me this important lesson about life. No matter how much you have hurt me, I can't explain why the hate easily goes away. Maybe because I still love you, but not the same way as when we were together. You taught me painfully, you taught me hard and you taught me well. For that, I am honestly thankful because without that, I will never get to become the person I am now. and I like ME now.

Once you love a person, you share your life with him. And when what you had was real, the love never goes away, it stays. Love changes people in so many ways. But though love hurts and easily harbors hate, love finds a way for forgiveness. It comes with hope that though it failed to bind us, I am capable of honestly hoping for your happiness. Because no matter how I try to erase you, you had your spot and it will always be your spot, that I realize now. But though love stays, it is never a guarantee for forever. People change and no matter how you control that, it happens.

Thank you for teaching me so much. I will carry on with my life remembering you as the brutal teacher I never had, the one person that really served me good no matter how this idea seems stupid or irrational. But that is life. If you did not do what you did to me, I will never realize that I am surrounded by these people who truly love me. That I am capable of being loved with no condition. I thank you for helping me find the way to a new love, that I might live by for all my years, for all my life...and of course, I hope I have left you with something to help you get through with your life.

My sincerest thanks to YOU.