I Focus on Me

I love helping out and doing things for others. I love taking care of my family. However, I need to also do things like work because nobody will provide for me and my son but myself. Hell! Enough with the distractions please! Yes, I feel guilty that I can't do all the things that must be done especially that everybody now is busy doing things, but I need to also earn a living because believe it or not, I AM EARNING A LIVING. So for today, amidst the chaos that others seem to think to be the only thing that's most important and the only thing that's happening in this world as of today, I guess I can say "I don't care!". I need to work on these backlogs and just be done with my obligations. Don't mess with me just today because I am pissed! For today, I'll be locked in my work bubble and I'll stay there until everything I need to do is done.

Chasing for the BEST

Many times, my family expressed their low opinion of what I do, or maybe, their low opinion of me. I feel it whenever they turn a half ear when I am sharing about something that they might appreciate, but turned out to be just one of the nonsense I seem to always feed them. I feel it whenever they just go to the corner discuss something as if I am an imbecile. I am beginning to think that coming here in this place is a big mistake. I am sinking fast...my morale is sinking fast.

But then again, I thought, would I rather discuss with them how Google analytics work to make websites get top ranks whenever somebody uses major search engines like google, yahoo and aol? Should I discuss with them that search engine optimization is the holy grail of small businesses, particularly those that managed to earn millions of revenues in just one year? Should I discuss how to make the best tags to make any blog or website searchable and practically accessible to the people who matter? Should I discuss with them how link backs earn more readerships for PR sites, potential clients for company websites as well as how blogs turn out to be simplest yet most effective way of saving company millions of dollars in advertising-in achieving the same results-money money money? Will that make what I do more acceptable?

Yeah right they are the smart ones, that their job is the BEST, but that doesn't mean that that's what's best FOR ME.

Mumbling...Thinking

For so long, I have been quite concerned about comparing my life with others, especially with those whom I attended school with. It gives me much concern that I might be really falling behind. You see I didn’t finish college in my “ideal” and “planned” setting. ‘Got knocked up but learned a lot. Admittedly, there are sacrifices that come as a default for young unwed mothers like me, like being slow in chasing a career. Like being unsure if this career or job would be enough to feed me and my baby, or is the job cool enough to feed my ego, which is pretty much on the sensitive side given that I felt I really missed a lot and have to make up for all of that---but I can’t.

Suddenly, as I was sweating out my first articles at work, which I did in lightning speed, I realized that this is something that I am good at. It may not be the coolest job but it is a job that I do well. It is a job that I feel really comfortable doing because it is the job that keeps me sane. Although people may disagree that this is the smartest choice of career for me, maybe I am just not who they think I am because I am happy and settled at what I do, which is actually great. So I've got to pull myself together and start smiling. I'm spending so much time worrying and being unhappy about things that should not matter. I'm getting allergies already, which according to WebMd, is a sign of stress.So wake up nutty head! Go back to work!

I Miss Writing

Since I entered a new career, I never got the chance to write something other than plans, exams, grades and evaluation points. I never had the chance to post one decent blog entry. I never had the chance to feel, to whine or even to breathe and just think because all the time was spend running around for tasks that seem to never end - tasks that take away so much time, keeping me from doing all the things that I used to do. It's like having a new baby. My job tends to wrap me into a world where I can never do other things than the daunting tasks of keeping up. whew! sometimes it really tires me so much, I am pulling strings to keep my battery, wits and sanity up. But who said professional careers were easy to start anyway. so I need to stop whining and start delivering whatever is needed or rather demanded from me. so got to go away again guys. 'till my next "not-so-in-haste-made" blog entry.

Hectic Days are Here again

I know I have been quite lax with everything lately, I am just taking my time (hic!). Anyway, it is time for some serious business. My to-do list has run another mile, my pending projects are brimming and I need to get my act together. Get it together girl, get it together...wrap it up! ... and remember, reward comes to those who work like there's no tomorrow! work! work!! work!!!

W-O-R-K!!!

Crunch Time!

After taking the time to regain inspiration, strength and all other elements that a working writer needs to survive, I am up for some serious revamp. With my internship coming up, it got me all excited and jittery about what comes next. All I got is five months to finally earn that little certificate I have been working on for years. After that I will have a lifetime to enjoy. Hopefully I can make a good start with this mission of mine. After all, all great paths starts with that first step.

Inspiration

So work tells me to make something inspirational, something that is a tribute for father’s day and parenting. I can do the parenting part but the inspirational and the father’s day tribute would be a challenge. So I promised myself that if I would manage to finish something good out of the two topics, I am definitely one hell of a writer. For one thing, I don’t have a real father figure and I have got the worse and worst examples of fathers in my life so how about that for an inspiration?

In many ways, writing for me is one way of getting into a life that is apart from my own. Being a writer, you can explore the emotions of someone who might be there and is suffering there. If you are living a messed up life, writing about light stuff and happy things creates an escape that allows you to feel better about yourself, even for the slightest bit of moment. The only consolation we have is that we get to live the best and the worst out of life, through experiences or through pure imagination.

As a writer, I am sometimes asked to write about things and ideas that I do not exactly believe in. I am sometimes asked write about things that do not make any sense to me, and make them seem bigger and more important than they actually are. This is forever the challenge that we, writers face each day. But hell, I wouldn’t want any other job anyway.

Procrastinate

Okay, I admit that most of the time, I am full of conceit especially when it comes to work. What can I do, I just give it my all and that makes me confident about the quality of what I have accomplished every day. However, there are times that the assignment given to me, the topic specifically, is something that I know nothing about. What kills me is that I just don’t know how to start…or should I say…my mind refuses to ‘jumpstart’ its flow of creative ideas. I don’t know how to make my attack, especially when the topic is something that is really far from my interests. But time and time again, assignments like this seem like a call for me to go out of my comfort zone. It is a call for growth. Sometimes, when you get used to dealing with things that are familiar, you get to miss out all of the challenges that comes with writing. So I suppose this is a call for a sort of growth, in terms of my writing skills. Oh boy I hope I can finish them today. so much for growth…argh!

My wish

If you are given one single wish, what would you wish for?

Right now? I would wish for that necklace that Hermione used in the third Harry Potter book/movie. If I would ask for anything, it would be the power to have as much time as I can to do everything that I needed to do. You see, my body is already giving in to fatigue. What’s holding me up is the sheer drive to get all these things done and over with.

Yesterday, I cried myself to sleep. Not that I am hurting or anything, not that I am thinking of heartaches or anything, I didn’t even have the time to deal with that. I am just plain tired. I have tons of things to do but my body can’t bear some more. If only I can have the energy of two persons so I can do many things at a time. Do you ever wish for a thing like that to happen? I sure do.

Blessings...Blessings

Finally, I got my well-deserved scholarship coverage this semester. Boy, it is no joke to work out all those grades when you are a mom, an errand girl, a working girl, all rolled in one. It was just unexpected. I was surprised to be summoned at the office of the school’s vice president of finance to sign some papers. After that, I left the room with a significant discount on my school fees.

On the other hand, work is crazy. I am buried neck-deep with things that I am asked to do…which should be a good sign right? I am earning well for me and my son…more than well!

At the end of the day, I thought, why was I so afraid? With the decision to finally stand up for my son and myself, I admit that I was afraid I can’t make things work. Have I lost confidence in what I can do? Have my trust in my potentials grew less? Whatever the answers in these questions are, I admit that these unexpected blessings made me feel great about myself.

God has His way of testing your courage. With the saying that goes, “God will provide”, or “do you best and God will do the rest…” He really does!

Now that gives me enough reason to loosen up and feel more secured with my life these days.

What a Day

I sat back and drank in the sunset and the darkness of night started closing in. Spending cozy time with my company relaxes me much, which is why I sometimes treat spending time with them as a guilty pleasure sometimes. This day is sure a wonder to have passed. A day filled with lots of writing, for work and school. Once, I can write up to 16 articles. Today, I have made my first 20.

My temple is throbbing and my vision already blurs. As I attended class, I started wondering why I continue to put myself in this masochistic torture. MASOCHISTIC TORTURE, sounds like redundant right, but it really is.

What I know is that something good will come out of all these troubles. I know that striving to do more every day will make me become the better version me, not just a college graduate gal but a fulfilled woman. But till that time comes, I have to bear these sweet tortures. I welcome more. Life’s a bitch, but I am the tougher bitch.

No point complaining here. Gotta spend some time fighting and striving some more. That’s the way to live. That’s my day-to-day battles. Through these challenges, I will thrive. I must. I need to. I must. I shall. I will. I’ll win.