Enough

“When a man gives up, a woman can coax him to go on and change his mind, but when a woman says enough, that means the end…”

In all the interesting experiences in your life, you certainly have encountered situations where you are close to giving up or you are torn between giving up an going on. Life is defined by our choices. Sometimes, we choose to bear some more and still give chance to everything we face. At times, we simply say, “that’s it, I am done”.

But between men and women, contrary to the common belief, in things like this, women are never fickle minded. They are more resilient and even more flexible in terms of bearing with life’s situations. Amidst the hurt surrounding her relationship, physical or emotional, she may still decide to stand up for her man thinking that all is worth it. But while women have flexible tolerance, when they say enough, it means enough. You have reached her limits. No extensions and no other chances.

Suffering enough is enough chance given to any man to make up for everything he has done, for every wrong and every hurt. But once that chance it abused, there’s no turning back.

I'm Cool with NOW

Nothing last forever, someone special may come into our lives, love us and promise us the world, but the moment you turn they are gone. In the future, it’s really interesting to meet this person who caused all the hurt in your heart. The person who made you open your eyes to the reality that life is no fairy tale and that the ultimate thing you have to accept in life is that spoken words are not to be trusted and that love is just love. It’s just a brand you use to rationalize your reasons for being with someone special. But of course, the memories of good times will always be there. No one and nothing can erase that. It even makes such meeting thrilling and fortuitous. Sharing a part of our life with that special person is not something that you can simply erase because of all the bad things that have happened. As we shared our life with that special someone, we leave part of us with that person, which perhaps makes them difficult to let go. But as the world continue to move, life goes on and you will move on, explore new possibilities and find new love. So when the ‘meeting’ comes, all you will remember will be the nice marks of that same person you used to love and embrace life with.

Moping Through the Weekend

I am soo hating myself for wallowing in some unwelcome emotions over the weekend. After claiming that I am doing fine and okay, I hate to admit that I actually am not. Of all the things I know about myself, I tend to have a delayed reaction to every dilemma that I face…just don’t give me time to be by myself and think, then I will be okay. Because once I started thinking, I analyze everything. Crazy right? But it has been a habit of mine.

Being in this disgusting mushy mode cost me a project and a weekend salary. I just stared at the computer screen all day, ravishing pages of how to cope with breakup articles. Boy what a disgrace! After this, I will not even try to think besides my responsibilities and my studies. I can’t afford to stay this way longer. I am better off earning some that moping some more. What a freak!

Anyways, I can say that my mushy time was well worth it. For one thing, I was kind of entertained by some of the ridiculous and ideal and outrageous ways of dealing with breakups…sure this is fun, for some. But I did have fun leafing through them, really.

And so I quote the best material I found:

“Now a lot of breakup survival kits may seem a little facetious and even idealistic, but the key to getting the closure you need is focusing less on the reasons surrounding the split because you may very well never get them. Allow yourself to cry and rely on friends. Allot yourself that time. Just remember how much time we all spend pining after ex-boyfriends that didn't even give us the time of day to offer an explanation. Then think about how much time it takes to find a new guy and build a better relationship. You do the math.”

….now that sounds like a good plan…isn’t it?!

One Oprah “Aha!” Moment

Last night, even though I have busted my eyes all day working in front of the computer, I found myself struggling to sleep. I had one of my dormant insomnia conditions. When I mean dormant, it tells of those times when I suddenly caught myself thinking clear of things, things that I never come to my mind or have come to my mind but seem to have forgotten.

I remember, during those periods when I was living on Oprah re-runs, she said that when a woman gives up on a relationship that does not necessarily mean that she put a period on the newly acquired single status. It only means that she gave up…TRYING. You see, in a relationship, it is mostly the woman who is the nurturing party. While we see muscles on our men, it is actually us women who are taking care of them and not the other way around. Even in marriage, the women are ones who are responsible in making it work. With that, in all marriages that had reached their 10th, 20th, and Nth anniversary, a statue must be erected to honor the handiwork of the wives. Relationships simply work that way. Relationships in every inch depend on how long a woman can bear.

In every culture, a cheating husband could be more acceptable than a cheating wife. A cheating boyfriend is way cool-er than a cheating girlfriend. A cheating boyfriend will be tagged by his friend, “the Man’, while cheating girlfriends are tagged as “The Whore”. While it is easy to forgive a cheating husband, why is it that a cheating wife or girl friend be put on the same level of virtue? I am not pro-cheating…but CHEATING happens.

Cheating is not just about another man or woman interfering with a seemingly solid and beautiful relationship. Cheating is defined as betraying the very foundation of a relationship. More than bondage, loyalty, love, commitment… it is the act of sharing life…sharing each day growing together, learning about the world..TOGETHER…that is worth more than a women or a man to destroy. This is what men don’t understand. When they cheat on their woman, it is actually not the unfaithful act that pisses off their woman…it is the betrayal of the reasons, things, philosophies and everything that brought them together to be in a relationship, to live a life together, to live as one, which he chose to be just a worth “WHILE”.

What truly hurts women in a relationship is the realization that everything she worked damn hard to keep the relationship, everything that she sacrificed to hang on, every part of her life that was sacrificed and all the remainder of her life doing foolish things to keep her man entertained, satisfied and love her was simply thrown away WITHOUT REAL APPRECIATION OF THE TROUBLE SHE HAS TAKEN…WITH NO THOUGH OF HOW SHE MAY BE OF THINGS, WITHOUT SEEING THROUGH HER...AND NOT JUST THINK OF HIMSELF…I thought I knew enough about love…it seems I knew nothing at all…surely, everyone has issues but what’s the point of a relationship when there’s already no bondage, no sharing and no assurance, no nothing…life would be hell for some woman who is put in that position...

Should we Break Up?

This is the most tricky question. It's like asking a person about what could be winning number combination for tomorrow's lotto draw. No one can be considered an expert in answering this question. But honestly, the person asking the question probably knows the answer but simply needed reassurance of her upcoming big decision. But what if the answer was no? Then we should break up, should we not?

Most people would say "No". You should first work on your relationship. Make sure that you are still holding something there, or there must be something there. You need to answer whether or not you still have something to hold on to or some reason to stay; otherwise, please don't go through all the trouble in the first place.

Nothing good in life ever came for free, and that includes relationships. You have to work on your relationship in order for it to be worthwhile, in order for it to work. After you worked on your relationship and did everything that you can to nurture and cherish it, you can take another critical look at where you are going with it.

Perhaps one thing that should not do is this: Call up your partner and discuss your future together. Don't spring the question out of nowhere. Rather lead up to it over a few days. If you don't feel that you can talk openly to your partner like that, then there's the problem. Whatever makes a relationship without open communication lines?

First work on your relationship before making any decision about its future. That way, you can trust yourself to make the right decision

How Do You Know If Your Long Distance Partner is Worth It?

Define worth it?

What is considered "worth it" for one person may not be to another. So what exactly is worth it? In this case, what is considered "worth it" refers to the long distance relationship and everything that goes with it. It does not just involve the two person in the relationship but also their friends, family, co-workers and everybody that regularly mingle with. Most of them is probably thinking what a waste of time a long distance relationship is. But actually, deciding on a long distance relationship is deciding on different way of life. It may not be ideal but for those of us that are in it, it obviously has to be worth it to go through all the trouble.

What are your long term goals?

What are your long term goals for your relationship? Where do you think is the relationship going within the next few years? If you see a slightest hope of a happy future with it, then the relationship isn't a waste of time, you guys will find a way to make distance seem to be nonexistent, none at all. Do you see yourself getting married to this person eventually? Or should you choose not to believe in marriage, do you see this person as your life partner, with whom you want to settle down and raise a family?

If you answered yes to that question, then you have your answer. This person is your life partner, and you would be silly to let this relationship die. What if I'm uncertain or answered no?

Should we break up?

What if your answer was a clear and definite NO? What if your answer was that you're uncertain, or maybe your answer was an unconvincing no. Then the next question would be: Why are you not convinced of your relationship with this person? Whatever made you stick too long in this relationship anyway? Do you have trust issues? Do you feel unsure about your feelings towards the person at the other end of the relationship? Perhaps you don't have problems like that, but certainly are worried about your relationship as a whole.

If you're ever in doubt, have your tried asking yourself why you are in doubt. You probably have the answers but you refuse to see, to hear and comprehend whatever it is for it might equate to loss and pain. Maybe your partner has broken your trust in the past. Or maybe, just maybe, the problems are simply all in your mind and that your doubts may just be unfounded.

However, never underestimate the power of suggestion. Every day, we are bombarded by images and stories of unfaithful people in movies, on TV and in magazines. Deep down, we may know it's not really like that, but unfortunately, our logical thoughts can easily get overwhelmed.

Try posting a question about long distance relationships on any open forum. Surely, half the people will tell you it can never work. Still, when you hear that negative message, there is some part of you that can easily throw logical reasoning out of the window and take the distorted opinion of someone else as fact.

So what should you actually do when you're uncertain, or if you answered no? I think the fact that you are in a relationship with this person, only goes to show that there must be something about him or her that attracted you in the first place. And the fact that you're in a long distance relationship, probably one of the most difficult things a relationship can be in, shows me even more that you have something that you feel is worth preserving.

First take a critical look at your own situation, and then you can get to the question you wanted to ask all along: Should we break up?

A wise decision would be"Don't break up - yet"

Embracing Love

It’s really comforting when you have something to hold on in a relationship. Whatever trouble may come, it’ll just pass because it can never shatter a strong foundation that has forged the love between you and your man. The thing is that, complications are things that we only put upon ourselves. While people may say their opinions about how things go between the two of you, what matters is that the ties that keeps you together continues to reinforce whatever reasons you have for staying together.

Nothing can shatter a love that has perished a number of storms…and people who threaten its very existence. When things get out of hand, step back and reflect. Think of the more important things that will still convince you that every effort to save the relationship is worth it. Although problems and situations may strike our ego and pride…compromises must be made just to save whatever love is left…love stays…love survives…and only when you give in to reason, shall end everything that comes with it.

Feeling distraught about every problem that comes with our relationships means that we question our love…we question our quest to move on from every mistake and every trial that we step out of. What’s important is that we are sure of this person…no distance can change everything that the two of you have worked so hard for. No person can ever replace or compensate for every faults and shortcoming that you discover that your partner has. Nothing can replace each other…that is, if love is true and unconditional.

Once in a while, however smart we are, we do stupid things to save our relationships. For me, it’s not normal. Rather, it’s the greatest way of experiencing life…that you are living the realities of life. Threading every emotion and problem or overcoming life's situations will only be possible if you give in to love. Love never fails to make the best of what we have. Although love can destroy us, love is what makes us grow and become better people. Love makes us explore…love may hurt…but love is what brings everything good in life…and everything good, comes with hard work.

There’s no better love story than our own. If you are destined for each other, then nothing can separate the two of you. To make relationships work, you have to jump over the barriers or complications created by age, time, distance, character, money, mistakes, reason, raw emotions…and situations that makes us forget of our PRIDE. I believe that there’s no success in love for it is a continuous process…a continuous struggle to keep each other and make something good blossom out of each other’s character. Love is a continuous process...because if you end trying…life is bland.

DOUBTS...

Doubts will always cripple forged relationships

Relationships that are founded on trust and desperate circumstances are often lasting. Why? Because it has endured the ultimate test of loyalty. Even tiny bit of doubt can shatter a life-long entanglement. It is an issue lurking to be uncovered when you least expect it…when your guard is all down…and when everything else seems fine. Once in a while, I always thought if I need to do things right? I may mess up in everything that I do but I must value the people who truly stood by me in all the drama of my life. But still, I try to hold on to people who, I think, have hope of reliving my trust. But why should I give a thought about that? When I am all convinced that enough was said and done…is the effort still worth such relationship? Can’t fading trust be regained? If trust is lost, can it still be regained? I can’t tell, but what I know I that it has already changed…relationships can still grow, but it will never be the same…IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME…existing fear of recurrence of the things that caused the trust to fail will hinder the roots of growing relationships to dig deeper. THIS I KNOW.

If doubt is still there, where should I go? What should I do? Where will that leave me? Is it all worth it? THAT I DON’T KNOW…YET…’till then.

decoding a woman

As I have said before, I have this friend that is fond of forwarding text messages which I look forward to reading every day. This one is very timely for it aims to prevent leaving men in the cold when it comes to having arguments with their women, especially with the love virus that’s looming over us during this love month. While ladies’ thoughts are quite complicated to decode (well actually, most of the time), here are some tools to help men really understand what their partner means. So to keep your hot date, better read this MON…

When a woman says FINE, she intends to finish or end the argument. This also means she really feels that she is right and you need to shut up and take it…period.

When she tells 5 MINUTES, she actually means to say 30 minutes MINIMUM. Well, a woman need to take time fussing over her looks right? Otherwise, she wouldn’t be that ‘hot’ for you.

When everything seems not okay and not right and you ask her and she says “NOTHING”, that’s what you should fear. Usually, NOTHING is the calm before the storm. This actually means SOMETHING that should keep you on your toes. Arguments that start from NOTHING usually end up with FINE…

When you asked her permission about anything like if you could go somewhere with somebody or when you ask her about something that you need to suddenly arrange, her responding “GO AHEAD” is definitely not a good thing. This is actually a dare on you as it literally means DON’T DO IT (usually, GO AHEAD means so if it comes with the lady’s face contorting or twitching into a disgruntled form).

If you are now on a heated argument and she gives her LONG SIGH, give it up man. This means that she already thinks you’re an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time arguing with you about something that actually DOES NOT MATTER ANYMORE…ouch!!!

And lastly, here is the classic. THAT’S OKAY. When you start apologizing and promising to make up for whatever is needed to be settled between you two, having your woman say “THAT’S OKAY” is never okay. It actually means that she wants to think long and hard before she decides on how or when you will pay for your mistakes. In some cases, this basically buys her time before to she brings forth her scorn…absolutely true!

So go on and start doing things right. For the right girl, all the trouble is worth it anyway…