Here is the road back to the old me

For the past few days, I may have been physically sick but 'twas the five days in which I have discovered the way back to my own self. Thank God for the people around me, I now re-discovered what I was and improved how I view the world. This world may have crushed me empty...for so long I struggled bringing back my old self, the lively, colorful, feisty and quite irresponsible me. All I am saying is that I may have suffered a great deal for the past few days but those were quite memorable and life-changing. Those days brought my back to ME.

cryptic huh? well that's how life is anyway. I may have suffered enough personal downfalls but it's up to me how I will rise above it, step on it and move forward with the life that I have. and I decide to embrace it fully, especially now that I have all the reasons to live...better reasons to look forward to waking up each day for a new day.

Mornings Like This

I am glad to have welcomed this day with you. Thank you for being my comfort zone...for the longest time. My heart was fluttering like butterflies the entire time. I can't even remember the last time I felt anything close to that. I never thought I could feel something like that again. You brought out the bubbly, lively and giggly girl in me.You made me realize that there is more to my life, like you always did every time I needed a reality slap.

Our agreement will stay. But no matter what happens, my love for you my dear one will never change. Thank you for wiping off my tears, for listening to my pains and for loving me just the way I am. With that said, I can say we may be looking for more mornings like this, together, hand locked...together.

Got Get them Tigress!

I am keeping my fingers crossed. I have my life and my son’s future laid out in front of me and all I need to do is do according to plan. It feels good to have a life direction for a change. I just learned that if you want a life, do it your way. Don’t think of what other people will say. Think of what you have to say. Don’t think of what people will feel about that, because they do not have any hold to the future you want for yourself. Do not think of the past, because they are over and done with. Just keep your eyes on the prize and to everything that lies ahead. Focus, fixate, and claw your way forward. If I have to drag everything I have just to get a step ahead I will do it. without fear I will face everything - armed and loaded. 

It's a Bitch to Grow Up

I actually borrowed this title from an Alanis Morissette song. Boy if I can only meet this fine artist, I would hold her hand and thank her for every song that she made. They really helped me straighten up my life and move on from all the dark chapters of the love that I had.

“I’ve spent my life hovering above bottom

Thinking I can’t survive what’s below”

Below…low points…I have been there and those times were nasty.

“…and there was no other direction to go…”

In every decision we make, we tend to get a feeling of whether it is wrong or right before everything goes for the better…or worst. If it sends you to a better place, then you must have done something good. But if it is sending you downhill and it feels that you can’t escape, you got no choice but hold on and brace yourself for all the consequences that you have to face… and even if you try your mightiest to escape, all the more that these problem and consequences stick around and bother you, unfinished businesses, keeping you from moving forward with your life… And at that same point, through all your uncertainties, pain, remorse, regret and efforts to change, you will realize that you actually have a lot more to learn…It is at that point that you start to really GROW UP.

“I feel done, I feel raked over coals, and all that remains is the case…that it’s a bitch to grow.”

It’s ironic right? Had you known what’s gonna be the ending of your conquests, would you have done it regardless of the future?

I'm Cool with NOW

Nothing last forever, someone special may come into our lives, love us and promise us the world, but the moment you turn they are gone. In the future, it’s really interesting to meet this person who caused all the hurt in your heart. The person who made you open your eyes to the reality that life is no fairy tale and that the ultimate thing you have to accept in life is that spoken words are not to be trusted and that love is just love. It’s just a brand you use to rationalize your reasons for being with someone special. But of course, the memories of good times will always be there. No one and nothing can erase that. It even makes such meeting thrilling and fortuitous. Sharing a part of our life with that special person is not something that you can simply erase because of all the bad things that have happened. As we shared our life with that special someone, we leave part of us with that person, which perhaps makes them difficult to let go. But as the world continue to move, life goes on and you will move on, explore new possibilities and find new love. So when the ‘meeting’ comes, all you will remember will be the nice marks of that same person you used to love and embrace life with.

Fun with Life Starts Here

After being shelved in the cocoon due to my severed heart and pride, I started to live again. You can only guess where I have been, who I have been with and what I just did! Doing 'things' you never thought you can do is just one of this life's surprises.

Hahahaha!

Life is still fun!

I name this chapter of my life as...

"out with the old, in with the new"

after the storm...plants grow and flowers bloom...relationships die...relationships Are born.

No More CRY

I wanna feel just like before
Before the rain came in my door
Shook me up, turned me 'round
Made me cry 'til I would drown
Stole the daylight brought the nights
So much anger I would fight
Lost my youth, amid the blue

'Till I saw all my loneliness in you
Want to help you, give you love
Shine some light out from the mud
Fill the empty, find a rhyme
A brighter day, a better time
But I'm wondering where I'm gone
Can't find the truth within my mind
All I have I'll give to you
To let you know you're not alone

I'm telling you
Smiling for you only
I'm trying for you solely
I'm praying for you only
No more cry times
I want to hear my laugh again
Without the ache to bring you down
Everything will never be the same
Now that you took my pain
If it's true what people say
There still is beauty in each day

We find comfort in each other's strength
I'm not alone anymore
Here you are
with me...

YOU got me over HIM

I, I was a game he would play
He brought the clouds to my day
Then like a ray of light
You came my way one night
Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the clouds disappear
Don’t you know, don’t you know

You got it all over him
You got me over him
Honey it’s true
There’s just you
You must have been heaven sent
Hearing me call you went
Out on a limb
And you’re all that he’s not
Just look what I got
Cause you got it all
Over him

No, don’t let him worry you so
Once I met you I let go
Oh you can surely see
You’re so much more to me
Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the clouds disappear
You’re better than all the rest
Who do I love the best
Don’t you know, don’t you know

You got it all over him
You got me over him
Honey it’s true
There’s just you

Already Gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
Seems to me, we were meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right

We were never meant for do or die
We were never meant for forever, it’s a lie.
I didn't want us to burn out, so rules were never set
You came and went; I stayed with your mess
I didn't come into your life; you came to mine and for what?

So many times, you made me hate you but I dared not complain
Because I feared I would lost you if I do
You said you got the most respect for me
But why caused me tears and despair?
Still you walked away and left me wondering what made me do all that for you...

Looking at you made things easier
I know that you found another
Again, as always, I stayed with your mess
Nothing’s changed, nothing’s earned, nothing’s lost

I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
Because then I realized, all the love wasn't enough to grow fonder
I want you to know that it doesn't matter
As we take this road, somehow someone's gotta go
I want you to move on, so I'm already gone

It all started with a perfect kiss,
Even then, I felt the illusion set in
but perfect couldn't keep our love alive
You know that I loved you so, I LOVED you and I love you enough to let you go

Someone’s gotta give
Someone’s gotta go
This time, I’ll go
And who’s to give? I know…

Life Starts Again

"If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again. "

stumbling at some point in life is not enough reason to be sad and lonely forever. there is always a chance to turn life around. and every time you take hold of that chance, what you don't realize is that you actually mark a new chapter in your life. every time you take a chance, you start fresh. though you may not succeed in all your attempts, you shouldn't see it as a personal failure. that is because the thing people call 'failure' is not the 'falling down' but the 'staying down'.

everyone may have heard lines like WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES, ANOTHER DOOR OPENS. It even goes like WHEN THE DOORS CLOSE, THE WINDOWS OPEN...or something like that. but the thing is, in every door that closes, we can't help but get stuck on longingly hoping for it to open again. we tend to cast a long and regretful look on that door...that we fail to see the the ones that was opened just for us.

Life Under Construction

I have decided to start organizing my life. I have been all over the place and I am lost of excuses to justify my 'cluttered' life. Just my way of taking all things slow, simple and manageable.

It is so easy to expose yourself and share your affection to everyone, but apparently, with all that is left of me, I wanted to save space for all the people who matter in my life. Just my way of finding my own center.

I have started by organizing my friends list. Not that I am limiting myself to a number of people or being snob or whatever, I am just starting something new. I am starting something big that is beyond my hands. It is just symbolic that I wanted to start small, as it is all that I can handle.

I am fixing things, personal things that are left for time to get over with. Who knows?! After this, everything will be alright. This is my way of getting everything fresh and new and helpful. Only to those who matters. I am all to only those who matters and who made me feel I mattered in their lives.

Thanks for understanding. Thanks for the love. I appreciate everything. I will remember everything.

I'm Coming Out

people said that when you are down and troubled and you need a helping hand...mope a lot but please have fun afterwards...do that! (haha, you thought I will go on with the lyrics of the song huh?!)

my RX would be to go out, meet people, enjoy company and you'll be surprised, you are having the best time of your life. I am not trying to sound TH or something but it really is. for me, talking and meeting people really eased up my hangups and made me feel better about myself. when you feel oh so miserable, you are not the only one in the boat honey. so why feel sorry about yourself?

I have been so self righteous for so long that I defied socials thinking that it would not do me good. well, as long as I get all my responsibilities wrapped up, then I am good now to go. I am entitled to my own break, and this time, I badly needed a break. and so I am taking things lightly this time...just enjoying company and having the best time.

sometimes, when you thought that the world has ended, it actually has just began. you just got so tensed up that you got all your doors and windows closed down. try to open up and explore the possibilities. explore, have fun and enjoy! we are too young to think of matters that are beyond out hands to fix...so what would you rather do? ease up and be young. after all, you will never get back to your youth and sometimes it is too late to realize the things you should have done? when else will you explore? when you are wrinkly and gray?

so my case is told...therefore, send the green light for fun into your life!

Pretending?

A so my preliminary exam week has come. With all the requirements I needed to finish plus the study time it demanded from me, I got all tensed and stressed. The good thing about this is that my activities left me no room to think of unwelcome thoughts and just focus on my ever day tasks. Then, someone (unregistered cellphone number) has texted me a very interesting message:

“Pretending to be happy when you’re in pain is just an example of how strong you are as a person…still making that simple smile when every part of you dies. “

To whoever sent that to me, I assume that you know me. In some ways, you are quite right. I try to be strong each day because I know that happiness is a choice. If I choose to mope around and spread negativity because I am hurt, no one would care and no one will bear with me. When you are in pain, you are alone in this world. But when you try to be happy, you go with the crowd of people trying to make that happen. There is a greater proportion of people who wanted to survive in this life. I am one of those people.

I am sorry but I am not pretending. If you see me smile, although I am not deeply happy, I am just content with what is happening. I am not pushing or hoping for my pain to pass. I hope it will last for that way, I will always remember that life has its imperfections. When I go dreaming of nonsensical things, the pain in me keeps me to the ground and to my reality. I would rather face reality head-on that live in a fantasy world hoping and praying that someone would save me from my despair. I am writing my own fate. I know that even God would agree that I deserve more in this life. And the more pain I bear, I believe that the better my life would be, ‘cause I turned out to be the better person HE means to make out of me.

I keep that smile because I welcome even the slightest flicker of joy in my life. I won’t let my ex get the best of me. Though he had me at my best, I won’t let him turn me to my worst. Why would I ever ruin myself for someone who never cared? That chapter of my life is slowly fading. With new prospects comes new hope. But I try not to jump on the romantic lane; I just wanted to enjoy company. Who knows, from all the talking, ice cream flutes, spaghetti runs and “bonding” sessions, something or someone would turn out fine.

Moving Forward

If I had the power to turn back time
I won't use it...
Never will I have that power for it wouldn’t right
What I regret is how my loyalty was wasted
How hours of hard work was thrown just like that.
Everything seems so fake
But if things like this never happened
We wouldn’t have challenges and we wouldn’t learn from our mistakes
...and from other's stupidities
Fate can be good, however it can also be bad,
It can make some people very happy and others very sad
Some things happen in life and we can’t figure out why
Sometimes it becomes so unfair that all we want to do is cry
We can often be caught up in nothing but confusion
This inevitably leads to problems and also disillusions
letting go is hard
It can sometimes mean swallowing your pride and taking of your mask
Healing does take time for the my pride and faith in people to repair
It can often mean finding happiness, whilst still holding on to that despair
In situations like this
Getting hold of the past is pointless
why make the pain and betrayal last?
By learning to let go
You are putting your predicament behind you
Thus closing an old door and starting anew