Positive Light

Now, enough of the pessimism. In my world, I can't seem to understand why I have dealt with my life and how I continuously survive with all the negativity I carry around. I am not saying that I am a negative person through and through but most of the days, I am.

and so, after a week-long thinking I have realized one important thing...you see, I have made a list of the happy and sad memories I had with my previously ended relationship...I hope you are curious of what I have found out?

assuming you are, I have found out that I have 3+ sheets pages of sadness and only one page happy times (by yellow paper standards)

of course, I have weighted the level of intensity at which those emotions have battled. still, the sadness outweighed the happy times...listing everything is an eye opening experience for me. It did not include giving of material things, I was just guided by my emotions and perceptions of the years and experienced we had. Boy I got myself fooled, I though I was happy when I am not.

ever since my buboy NJ was born, I have realized that my flaws and his flaws got more pronounced...YES PEOPLE, MORE PRONOUNCED. we were put in an overly awkward situation that tested our strengths and convictions...I never said I did everything right...but the thing is, I try each day to make things right...and I am making progress...whereas the other party, I can't say much...

FLAWS GOT MORE PRONOUNCED....

even then, he never helped me get through the deepest darkest points of life (which mostly involved my unplanned pregnancy, and loads of life dramas)...during the weakest points of my life, he was never there (partly because I never reached out, for what it's worth, why should I if I known it won't do any good)I fact, he was partly the reason behind those weak points, which I survived alone...

Anyhow, I was just surprised to be clinging into something that was practically worthless...a dream that's supposed to mean something but not really...

I was just plain fool, but this fool shall be no fool for life...
this fool will learn...this fool will find somebody who will see the value in her...
I refuse to be taken for granted...because I am worth something...

I DESPERATELY BELIEVE...I AM WORTH SOMETHING...

I know I am not the only one experiencing this...but tonight, I'd like to remain positive for a change...

hope and faith in life, I am hanging by the threads

I know things will be better...in time

Moping Through the Weekend

I am soo hating myself for wallowing in some unwelcome emotions over the weekend. After claiming that I am doing fine and okay, I hate to admit that I actually am not. Of all the things I know about myself, I tend to have a delayed reaction to every dilemma that I face…just don’t give me time to be by myself and think, then I will be okay. Because once I started thinking, I analyze everything. Crazy right? But it has been a habit of mine.

Being in this disgusting mushy mode cost me a project and a weekend salary. I just stared at the computer screen all day, ravishing pages of how to cope with breakup articles. Boy what a disgrace! After this, I will not even try to think besides my responsibilities and my studies. I can’t afford to stay this way longer. I am better off earning some that moping some more. What a freak!

Anyways, I can say that my mushy time was well worth it. For one thing, I was kind of entertained by some of the ridiculous and ideal and outrageous ways of dealing with breakups…sure this is fun, for some. But I did have fun leafing through them, really.

And so I quote the best material I found:

“Now a lot of breakup survival kits may seem a little facetious and even idealistic, but the key to getting the closure you need is focusing less on the reasons surrounding the split because you may very well never get them. Allow yourself to cry and rely on friends. Allot yourself that time. Just remember how much time we all spend pining after ex-boyfriends that didn't even give us the time of day to offer an explanation. Then think about how much time it takes to find a new guy and build a better relationship. You do the math.”

….now that sounds like a good plan…isn’t it?!

All Newly Single-d Ladies, Listen up!!!

For all newly single ladies, listen up!

Enough of the pity trip…it’s time to move on.

Do it with me now…

Stop tormenting yourself with the thoughts of the past and explore new possibilities.

Like the bloodsucking scumbags that took you for granted, you have all the right to find happiness in your life…find out how.

An interesting movie line has taught me a useful and meaningful sentence that gave me a reality check:

“Every woman has the exact love life that she wanted.”

I totally agree. During these painful times in our lives, we tend to soak up with all the lovely memories of the past, which makes any breakup more painful to bear. Moving forward means forgetting all that. Of course, you can take with you some memories from which you have learned things, things that will enable you to do better next time, given the chance to have another person to share your wits and shits in life with.

Remember, the breakup is all about you. It may be painful but it is true.

I refuse to believe that this is the end of my love life, I certainly deserve better. Until the time comes that I accept the fact that I made a mistake and learned from it, I will make a perfect ending for my love story.

Stop hating. Holding that up will only cause you to ruin your next relationships. Just learn to live with it. Play a cheesy song, feel your pain, cry if that helps, but please don’t do that forever. Remember, coping with breakups normally takes days to get over with. It’s just a few days wasted in your life, don’t make it waste all the days in your life.

Remember what a beautiful person you are. Remember how an amazing woman you are. You are so wonderful that even the latest scumbag fell for you. He’s just not worth it. And you deserve better so the breakup seems to be meant to happen.

It may take a while but remember, you are an amazing person. You can deal with it.

Let’s cheers to starting an interesting chapter in our lives…Cheers!