Can't stop smiling

everything is just so serene. for some reasons, I couldn't stop smiling. i feel so inspired. thanks for making me happy... my best friend. thanks!

happy fwends

Yesterday, I spent the day laughing so much, I can feel my jaw aching for all the exercises and stretches it made. Yesterday, I spent the day talking about things in life, difficulties that I thought I will never survive, but flawlessly surpassed. Then I thought to myself, I can go on living with simple and meaningful times like this. It is the people I spend time with that make me feel better about my issues with life. It is the people that I bond with that make me feel I can do so much better and I am doing better than before. Sometimes, when I feel low and a bit uncertain about my actions, they seem to give me a mirror where I can see every aspect of my action, to which I will admit mistakes, commend good attitudes and be surprised at the things I did, good or bad. My harshest critics, my truth committee, my friends. I don’t what what’s in me but seems like I am a magnet for great friends. God knows I love ‘em, ‘cause I need them. I hope I manage to bring them same kind of joy that they give me in the littlest gesture, joke, advice and laughter. 

Speak up

In life, I have learned that no one else will stand up for you but yourself. In every battle, you better get yourself armed with courage to speak up for what you believe in and express everything that is bottled inside your heart and inside your mind. Sometimes, you contemplate on whether or not to speak for yourself because of fearing that telling the truth might hurt the ones you love. That is actually not the case. While you worry on hurting the ones you love, they are there rooting for you to do what you feel and see is right. That is because you are standing up for everything that you are. There’s nothing to be sorry about that. Everyone who loves you will understand the whys and whats of your actions, provided that they are within reason.

I am thankful that I am one person who realized the people who loves me for real. The people who embraced everything that I am are there in every step I take. Although sometimes, I feel like I am traveling the lonely and hostile roads of life alone, I have come to realize that they are actually everywhere. They are in my shadows, they are in my heart, and they are in my mind. Presence and actions may not speak of everything. It’s the thought that they will be there whenever you need to stand up for yourself, rooting for you to be a successful challenger of everything that comes your way.

FUN

Everyone has been encouraging me to have fun. They are telling me to go out there, meet people and just DO HAVE REAL FUN… perhaps you know what I mean… I admit to have thought about it, what would that make me if I did what I was told to DO? When everyone else is telling you to do things, it does not necessarily mean that you need to do as they say. You still reflect on all the things that you believe in and stay with the conviction that makes you someone that is exactly YOU, then you decide. No one should order you to do things to enjoy all the fun that you can grab out of your life. When everything is a play, nothing makes sense at all. I may not find reasons to everything that happens in my life but I try to make it as simple as it can get. No more conflicts, just pure fun. I am never the kind of person to use people to make me feel better about myself. That way, I would make a monster out of me. I would never intentionally hurt people just because I am miserable.

I don’t want to validate ‘fun’ time with using other people. Though it seems to be a ‘manang’ thought, I just don’t do things that way. Perhaps if I finally do, I can say that I don’t have an ounce of care in this world and to the people I meet. Well I am already having fun listening to the suckers giving me hilarious and shocking suggestions on how to start a fun single life, but that’s just the way it’s gonna be, just a suggestion(hic).

I find comfort to the words of encouragement that I am getting from people. As I have told my friends before, those words certainly gives my ego and confidence quite a kick. But then, I choose to take things slow. I don’t want to get tied up with things that I can never face in the morning anyways. So guys, have fun your way and I’ll do it in my own quiet and simple ways. And if I failed to say so, you guys where so much fun to be with than by doing the fun things you make me do…hahaha…

Hello Visitors

Hi there. I just wanted to check on my friends who spend time thinking of me and reading through my thoughts in this page. All of you are friends to me. Perhaps you already know me to understand what I am going through. while some of you would say I am a bitter person or whatever, I was actually...what I am doing is channeling every emotion that lingers in me through my writing because it really helps drive them away. I am just writing everything about how I feel and what i think about all the drama that just passed. In a way, I look forward to reading everything I have written...like something I would laugh about in the future. I am quite feeling alright now. I have a great support system that's why. Words are not enough to say to the people who are there for me and continuously bear with what my crazy mind dictates. It's so comforting to see that there are people who are interested reading my thoughts...They might judge me or hate me or criticize me, but hey! This is me. I believe I can't pretend my way through life. It's so liberating to see that number of hits this page have...I was simply surprised having to reached that...well, it just goes to show that I am not the only person experiencing what I am experiencing...we'll get better in time...I just know it!!! We all will be fine...PEACE!

Doing Some Thinking

I had a serious talk with this dear friend of mine last night. actually, I have been going out for quite a while, to find answers...to find the fun in me, the kind of carefree person I used to be. Of all the people I know, this dear friend of mine seem to have the talent to see what's beyond me, slaps sense into my head and straightens me up when I needed to. For a smart girl, I always feel foolish around him about everything we are talking about...he really knows me and even when I say I'm okay, he knows I actually am not. I even do not have to say "hey, I have a problem" to him...he just comes to my rescue whenever he is needed, for always.

and so I told him about my problems and sought for a man's view of what I could have done wrong. he just told me plain and simple, it just did not work and sometimes, you do not have to explain and analyze everything in life because if you do, you'll go crazy. we do not have control of the minds and hearts of people we care about...I am lost...my friend explained that perhaps this line was about picking up the pieces of one's life. perhaps the man who said this to me was trying to pick up the pieces of his once shattered self, and decided I could not help him with that or that I am already a nuisance. I could really not get over the context of this line...it's so cocky and to ruin something i have been working hard on by this reason...I seem to understand now...I was just plain foolish giving this man every chance to hurt me and continuously leave me just when I needed him most.

with all the self respect that's left of me, I am committing to my own happiness. I am lucky to have people who loves me for me, flaws and all, no conditions, no hassles, no bullshits.

what I learned from this dear friend of mine is that it is important to value yourself first...that I do not need validation for my happiness and fulfillment. I'd like to believe that..but for now, I must keep afloat and block everything that seem to push me back...After all, I have no reason at all to go back...that's no good...not now...the damage is done, and that's what I will fix ...with the help of friends like this dear friend of mine...

My New Lust

After moping for days, I finally decided to get out of the house and join my friends, grab some coffee and spend time with a good company. I have stayed indoors for too long, I needed a breath of fresh air. So we went to our favorite hang-out, found a seat near the window and got lost into our chatterbox selves…as we waited for up steaming cups to arrive, I saw a 2009 Toyota Rav4 pass by. If only I could rewind and freeze that moment. You see, a fine car is a beauty as a hot guy is a drool-worthy sight! That just made my day. So when I went back home, I got on the internet to do an enquiry on new cars. My lust for a Rav4 09 is something I could not sleep on. Having known the updates on that car is practically as good planning to buy. While a Rav4 09 is currently beyond my budget right now, at least I know what I want if the day comes that I am finally able to drive one. It’s nice to know that car dealers are now offering car loans and more flexible payment plans…perhaps I should push through with that so I can sleep with my very own Rav4 09 tonight? Ha-ha, just kidding!!!

My Angels

After losing my job, I have discovered a lot about myself. Well, if I am very frustrated, my temper always tends to skyrocket. It’s like unleashing the storm that you are holding inside, just to release every bad feeling. I was treated unjustly that’s why, and it has been a rotten decision to have befallen my pride. So to the dancing King and his comrades, you suck big time. What kind of leadership is that? You simply suck!!!

Wow! What a release!!! Hahahaha!!!

Before I go on the series of ranting nonsense, maybe it’s wiser to have every grudge bottled up and shipped straight to hell. Just take care of these pigs alright?!

Because I am too busy being loyal and being a hard worker for such a thankless job, I have taken for granted a lot of people. And to my shame, these people were the ones who have helped me surpass all the bitterness that I have been holding on to. My only regret is that I haven’t spent enough time forging friendships, friendships that were more fulfilling than being loyal to this blood sucking company. I know karma will find time to visit them somehow.

When I felt that I had nowhere and nobody else to go, these people extended their hand and extended their time putting out the anger in me. Experiencing the same tragedy, these people made me realize that there is no point holding on to the grudge. Instead, they have convinced by that what happened was actually a good thing. Thanks to my angels, I have found ways to actually take care of my school, allowance and most especially my family. Now, I own my time and I can make anything out of it without having to lose as sorely as what recently have happened. To my angels, no words can express my gratitude; I need not say all your names because you know who you are. I just wanted to say that out of the experience, my greatest joy was that having to found friends in all of you; you were such a blessing that made me come through all these. And with that, I can have my peace. Thanks so much!