Can't Please Everybody

Ever heard of the line "you can't please everybody"? It's actually true. Whether it is with your family, friends or co-workers, people's differences usually come in the way of "getting along" or simple "understanding" of the opinion, actions or shortcoming of others.

 Regardless of our religion, our faith in our God tells us to "have faith in other people", but some look upon themselves as the "standard" of personalities and with that, they project a relatively high expectation on others - on how they should act, on how they should have handled situations and many other conditions. This state often cultivates a thought that "they should have done this and that...if they weren't stupid...because I would have...I would have thought of that". Often, this state drives people to prejudices, which cause them to think ill of the intentions and character of others, instead of entertaining a more positive stand on the actions of other people.

 Sometimes, people do nonsensical things for no reason. Even when they are blithely aware of the consequences or hurt they may cause, there are reasons for their actions, no matter how stupid we thought those are. I personally believe that the things done served what they thought was best. People make mistakes and lucky are those who don't mess up as often as others. Sometimes, we just need to be thankful for not being in the situation of causing hurt or difficulties in others. I guess we just need to keep an open heart and an open mind to continue having faith in others, because no matter how we think that we are good and deserving or that we should have been treated better, we live the world with few other million people who may not agree with us and we have to respect that. Because that way, you get the respect and treatment that you thought you deserve. Respects - respects. Truly, people are different from one another. They have their own convictions, which with age, becomes more difficult to sway or even convince otherwise.

I guess some people should stop beating themselves up, thinking ill of other people. Just imagine the stress and the despair they put themselves in. Life is short and the world is small. You can do whatever with your life, but remember that you are living your life with few other people whom you need to treat well - to also be treated well.

He who is Blithely Aware Must Not Know

People may believe what they wanted to believe. Sometimes, it becomes their way of living. The will to believe is what brings hope to life. When everything seem to have been ruined and thrashed, all they have is what they believe are the means to survive. I believe that I am a strong person. But life seems to take it as a joke sometimes. It always puts me to tests that seem to tell me, "so you think you are tough, huh?" and end up barely breathing, torn and worn out.

I am humbled by my mistakes, my careless acts and my lack of better judgment. I am impulsive, temperamental and stubborn. I may have offended people, but I am not saying sorry, because I feel no remorse from what I did. Had I felt remorse and wished that I did not do what I did, I wouldn't learn. I wouldn't know the people who even when I don't know them, really cared. Though I may say excuse to my acts, I still trust my sharp senses. What I am trying to say is that my 'toughness' gets the better of me.

I don't believe in getting hit and then you just remain quiet. I am not contributing in the simple process of exchange that way. If there's an action, there's always a reaction. Dampening the natural process would render it insignificant and futile. It loses its substance. Whoever is perfect may point fingers at me...but I but I am me. I celebrate my flaws rather than my strengths. Odd as it seems, but that is me trying or struggling to control the monster in me in hopes of gaining a little bit more maturity.

I have strange ways of coping with hurt, with pain and with almost every emotion because I feel them right to the core and bury them in my heart. That is why it's very hard to forget, perhaps my heart and soul is not gilded for that. Maybe it's for something else. Maybe it is intended to do other things. Or maybe, just maybe, it's still maturing.

I believe...I hope.

So goes the saying, don't make curses when you are angry and don't make promises when you are happy. This is so true...caught red handed...BUT WHAT I SAID STILL HOLDS TRUE.

I believe...I believe.

White Flag

Today, I have made peace to the person who have costed me the most. Today, I have made peace with all the hurt I hold in this world. Today I have made a compromise to myself. To become free is to be done with all the pain. That is my choice. There lies my happiness, which I guard the most.

I know I can function better when I free all the reigns for the hatred I kept bottled up for weeks. I know that I can become more appreciative of all the things around me when I appreciate little virtues such as forgiveness and love. There exists a boundary between love and hatred. But I chose to love peace and leave hatred burning other souls and wrecking their littlest hope of actually becoming happy and content with their lives. I free everything that keeps me awake at night, fills my mind when I am alone. I decided to wish all those I love well and happiness and I hope they would wish me the same.

I know somehow, time will tell what will come of of this. But all I know that this is the most mature decision I have made today. Though some would react that I may be dreamy or that my stand sounds surreal, but as I see it, I am making my first step to a fuller life.

I'm a Survivor

We all are survivors in our own little battles in life. Sometimes, you thought you already lost it all, but later on you realize that whatever is lost paved way for more beautiful things in your life to happen. At first, you thought that your world has already crumbled, but in the end you realize that losing battles is sometimes necessary to turn you to directions where you will be so much better. I once wrote in my journal that I am in nowhere special. I was nowhere to the special place where I felt I would be happy and complete. I was not even in the place where I intended to be…but God put me in a place that is much more meaningful for it made me rethink about my direction and decisions in life.

The road to the place where I am now is not easy. There were tears, there was desperation and there was pain. I have endured so much but it seems that those were not enough to make me become the person that God sees me to be. Perhaps he wanted me to soften up and just be human. I have been so blindsided by so many things in life that I overlooked the little things and the little people that made me feel important and well-loved.

My experiences led me to people who appreciate me as I appreciate them. It led me to an inspiration that I never thought I would ever have at this point of my life. My experience made me realize that life has more things in store for me. I have a lot of things going on in my life, but they are all really making me happier every day. I have closed my doors once, now I am more open to what else is there to surprise me.

God, I will be looking forward to more of your surprises for it made me saner and gave my life better purpose. Perhaps You are preparing me for my Mr. Right and the road to HIM surely is not easy. But till the time I finally met him, I thank you for guiding me through the pain and despair. It is YOU that I wanted to thank for all the strength that I have discovered I have. Thank you for washing away the anger in me, thank you for giving me a stronger heart to understand and somewhat learn to forgive. Now I will be ready to take on any challenge you will throw at me because I know it is Your way of leading me to the place where You will allow me to put my life’s pieces together and finally make me whole and happy.

Life is a matter of choice…and what a “kilig” choice I made!

Yesterday, I finally decided to grace all my Thursday classes with my presence. Though school has already started a week ago, I needed time to collect myself and organize my thoughts and just be myself again. I was just a total wreck and even when I put myself to places where I needed to be, my thoughts weren’t exactly there. I was like in a bubble that is blown to directions where I needed to be.

After a tiring day, I opened my friendster account and saw that my sister left me a testimonial. As I have read line per line, I can’t help roll tears with the heartfelt message I saw. I just felt the love when I needed reassurance. I needed just that kind of reassurance when I seemed to have lost track of directions, of where I needed to be and what I should do. I was just shattered and having read the message just knocked up the bubble that was swallowing me whole.

So let’s go back to what happened in class. I was kind of early. My first subject was a blast. My classmates posed quite a challenge for me to keep up with (I have already missed 2 formal sessions) and my teacher was beaming on my remarks (talk about points for recitation, I did okay! Just to make up for my missed quiz). Then afternoon class came. I was kind of early, looking forward for more of the fun that started my day.

As I was seeing my classmates come inside the classroom one by one, I saw someone unwelcome. I saw someone that reminded so much of my EX. He has a dark brown complexion, he is just the same built, he is just the same hair and he has just the same posture…I can’t help but blink back and just hope I was dreaming…a constant reminder of HIM…and to my dismay, I discovered, this man will be my classmate everyday of the semester…

There are differences though. He seems to be the guy who is outspoken. His baritone voice booms every time he is asked to tell his opinion about the subject matter being discussed. I kind of liked the way he speaks, he seems to be smart and kind. For a newcomer, he seems to blend well and treats my classmates as buddies, me included.

So I needed to make a choice. Should I welcome ill-feelings and be constantly be tormented by this sort of reminder of my painful breakup or should I treat him as someone who I will be looking forward to coming to class to everyday. It wouldn’t hurt anyway for I was not meaning to be all romantic, I just wanted to see a better picture under the circumstance. It’s either I feel tormented and ruin my whole semester OR feel inspired and kilig, which really helps in keeping me from coming to class.

So I made my choice…and what a “kilig” choice I made!!!