A 'Piece' of my Mind

In life, God will never give you everything you want. He will never give you anything that you are not entitled to have. Harsh as it may be, He loves us that way. God is all love, but he is not all about giving. He is all about making you suffer the hardest to make you realize what you already have, so you quit asking on the things you actually do not need or do not deserve to have. In this materialistic world, He will rip you of everything you hold dear. Everything. He puts you in situations where you will twist in anguish and cry in pain until you can’t bear anything more. He rips you of everything you value so you will realize the sense of your life, your purpose of living, and your purpose of being. He does these to make you realize that you don’t hold the sole control of your life.

Haven’t you noticed? No matter how you carefully plan your life, there is always a room for failure with minor slipups. With all your plans, you still mess up. He makes us realize that we don’t have all the power to make things happen in our lives. It is all in His hands. And whatever plan He may have for us, it’s all for the best.

Now that I am a parent, I now understand this message. Your child may rebel at your rules or at your convictions on house rules, but at the end of the day, your love for them will find a way to keep them straight in the line of light. No matter how your child may fight it, he needs to learn that there’s no other way to be on the place he wanted to be but through the life lessons you may teach him. Trials are like arming your child with everything he needs to survive. As much as God would like to spare us of the hurt and fear that we have in our lives, these feelings play crucial roles in teaching us, arming us, protecting us and bringing us closer to the place where God and we people will share a divine life, a full existence from which we are separated by our worldly sins and mistakes.

My Prayer

Dear God,

I am humbled by all the problems… I am humbled by YOUR way of teaching me how cruel life is when I reached too high, blindsided by the things I wanted and planned on my own, losing touch of the people and the things that means more in my life.

I appreciate the effort of gradually melting all the fury I keep inside me, which gave me quite an excuse to hurt the people who have hurt and ruined everything I worked so hard for. Serves them right, but to my shame, I reflected, what did that make me become? No better than those people I hated...

I appreciate YOUR way of throwing all the stones, which I have thrown them, back at me to make me realize how a self-righteous bitch I have become through all the years I so believed that I am always right.

Thanks for continuously hurting my pride to make me realize that my pride is my greatest villain. Thanks for helping me gradually lose this weakness of mine as it keeps me from facing the realities of what my life has actually become. Thanks for robbing me with all the reasons to pretend that everything is alright, when it is actually not.

I know life hurts and the road to my destiny is not supposed to be easy. I don’t promise that I will cease my complaints, but I promise to try to rise above my shame and mistakes.

When all I got is envy for people whose life went smoothly, just the way they planned, while I am left with other people’s shit to deal with, thanks for sending me a flicker of something to hold on…a flicker of hope that after all the mess, I will be living and breathing my happy ending.

It comforts me that YOU are there to guide me, to test me, to provide for me while YOUR plans continue to torment me. Have more patience in me please… I can’t be strong on my own. I can’t keep on without the courage you constantly make me realize I had, all this time.

I may be the writer of my life. I am the one who will put words for it to take shape and assume a meaningful existence. I may be the one to decide which direction and style it should fit in. But I know that even when I try the hardest to polish and edit my work, YOU are still the toughest of the toughest editors I will ever encounter…that after YOU, I know facing all other stories to embrace will be a breeze.

‘Till you give me the green light to write my own story, I will miss all these...i figured, my life will be nothing but a snorefest. So I plead, continue doing what YOU are doing. I don’t care if you thrash all of my hard work. Feel free to draw red lines to the words, phrases and paragraphs or even chapters that are irrelevant and unnecessary. Check the portions I have done right. Write notes of improvement in some chapters. Write “you are full of shit!” in BOLD on the portions where I make no sense at all. I welcome your call for revision, rework and reviews. But please…all I ask is for YOU to keep me on.

Please give me the strength to bear with your demands, enlighten my will to explore more ‘stories’ in my life. The decision is beyond my hands. I am but a ‘humble’ writer in your big publishing house. Whether or not I am worthy, I promise I will try my hardest to qualify because YOU can't get rid of me that EASY, and YOU know that.

So until you grew tired of me, be fed up of throwing all these drama at my direction, I will appreciate more of the challenges YOU gave me to polish all my jagged edges, while its lasts. I dream of waking up to the day…as I will end up a beauty that is far beyond my expectations. Thanks to YOU.


Your craziest fan,
Wendastarr

I'm a Survivor

We all are survivors in our own little battles in life. Sometimes, you thought you already lost it all, but later on you realize that whatever is lost paved way for more beautiful things in your life to happen. At first, you thought that your world has already crumbled, but in the end you realize that losing battles is sometimes necessary to turn you to directions where you will be so much better. I once wrote in my journal that I am in nowhere special. I was nowhere to the special place where I felt I would be happy and complete. I was not even in the place where I intended to be…but God put me in a place that is much more meaningful for it made me rethink about my direction and decisions in life.

The road to the place where I am now is not easy. There were tears, there was desperation and there was pain. I have endured so much but it seems that those were not enough to make me become the person that God sees me to be. Perhaps he wanted me to soften up and just be human. I have been so blindsided by so many things in life that I overlooked the little things and the little people that made me feel important and well-loved.

My experiences led me to people who appreciate me as I appreciate them. It led me to an inspiration that I never thought I would ever have at this point of my life. My experience made me realize that life has more things in store for me. I have a lot of things going on in my life, but they are all really making me happier every day. I have closed my doors once, now I am more open to what else is there to surprise me.

God, I will be looking forward to more of your surprises for it made me saner and gave my life better purpose. Perhaps You are preparing me for my Mr. Right and the road to HIM surely is not easy. But till the time I finally met him, I thank you for guiding me through the pain and despair. It is YOU that I wanted to thank for all the strength that I have discovered I have. Thank you for washing away the anger in me, thank you for giving me a stronger heart to understand and somewhat learn to forgive. Now I will be ready to take on any challenge you will throw at me because I know it is Your way of leading me to the place where You will allow me to put my life’s pieces together and finally make me whole and happy.