Flutter

A glimmer of light, a flutter of emotion- I seem to miss the days when I took for granted the feeling of excitement of hoping for something great. I missed the days of looking forward to the unknown. As I grew older, I grew more anxious about the future. It seems like I hope the rest of my life will be spent "today". I stopped hoping. I stopped dreaming. I became fearful instead of bold. I became cautious instead of outrageous. I used to be bold and courageous. Now, I felt I lost all the fun and exciting things about my life. I live each day alone. I live each day catering to what needs to be done. I have given up the privilege of doing what I want, a long time ago. Now, It's always about what's needed to be done. A common theme of grown up whines. But all the more that life makes me feel this is my reality. I hope a flutter of something I have in the past would suffice to let me hope again, look forward to anything again, dream again... live a little bit more.

arrogance

In my the past few weeks, I never expected to have met so many huge egos and arrogant people in my everyday life. I was pretty confident that everything will turn out fine. However, though one can do so much, it is what it is and that's what happened. At their very young age, I was surprised to be dealing with people who are not supposed to be as arrogant and disrespectful. Pity, I thought they were all good and every day they prove me wrong. They are young but they are what they are. All I can hope is that I won't cave in to the urge to give them the kind of treatment that their attitudes are asking for.

I'm a Survivor

We all are survivors in our own little battles in life. Sometimes, you thought you already lost it all, but later on you realize that whatever is lost paved way for more beautiful things in your life to happen. At first, you thought that your world has already crumbled, but in the end you realize that losing battles is sometimes necessary to turn you to directions where you will be so much better. I once wrote in my journal that I am in nowhere special. I was nowhere to the special place where I felt I would be happy and complete. I was not even in the place where I intended to be…but God put me in a place that is much more meaningful for it made me rethink about my direction and decisions in life.

The road to the place where I am now is not easy. There were tears, there was desperation and there was pain. I have endured so much but it seems that those were not enough to make me become the person that God sees me to be. Perhaps he wanted me to soften up and just be human. I have been so blindsided by so many things in life that I overlooked the little things and the little people that made me feel important and well-loved.

My experiences led me to people who appreciate me as I appreciate them. It led me to an inspiration that I never thought I would ever have at this point of my life. My experience made me realize that life has more things in store for me. I have a lot of things going on in my life, but they are all really making me happier every day. I have closed my doors once, now I am more open to what else is there to surprise me.

God, I will be looking forward to more of your surprises for it made me saner and gave my life better purpose. Perhaps You are preparing me for my Mr. Right and the road to HIM surely is not easy. But till the time I finally met him, I thank you for guiding me through the pain and despair. It is YOU that I wanted to thank for all the strength that I have discovered I have. Thank you for washing away the anger in me, thank you for giving me a stronger heart to understand and somewhat learn to forgive. Now I will be ready to take on any challenge you will throw at me because I know it is Your way of leading me to the place where You will allow me to put my life’s pieces together and finally make me whole and happy.

Keeping my Fingers Crossed

I got my final grades today!

I was so pleased…I want to SCREAM…THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING ME THIS CHANCE!!!

So far…hmmm…keeping my fingers crossed…I am now eligible to apply for scholarship!!!…now I have got to tell my ‘sponsors’.

All the dawn-wakings are worth it!!!

All the sleepless hours are worth killing for!!!

I just feel damn good right now!!! Isn’t it obvious? I am breaking syntax rules on my usage of exclamation points!!! Hell, I am on the clouds right now…you know the feeling when you couldn’t contain your excitement because if you show it, you will appear insane and you see halo, twinkling stars and fairies altogether and your eyes brightening up your face?

This is insane!!!

as I've told you before...Single Mothers Rock!!!