Movie Weekend Ticket

I just got all mushy when I watched two very meaningful films last night. One was “Love Happens” by Jennifer Aniston and Aaron Eckhart and the “Time Traveler’s Wife” with Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana.

“Love Happens” to me was a self help book that is injected into a movie. It is about a self-help book author that now expands his book through seminars that caters to people who are dealing with loss due to death of someone they value in their lives. I even got the quote about lemons from this movie and though I am not a fan of this love story, I am a fan of his fictitious A-Okay book… especially the chapter that mentions about the lemons. Another thing is the one that he demonstrated two different perspectives of live, one that is filled with honks, traffic noise and heat and chaos and the other which is more serene, peaceful and beautiful. That convinced me that no matter what we deal in life, there are only two sides to look at it. Though anything can always get to worse, it wouldn’t harm if we try to choose the better view right? So I am making that beautiful view my personal template. Another thing is that no matter how hard times could be, when you wake up, spend time at least five minutes to smile. Just do nothing, just smile. Eventually, it will come naturally with an attitude that will allow you to survive the day beautifully.

Now on the other movie, the “Time Traveler’s Wife” my sister cried towards the end of the movie. Me? Nah! Can’t relate to it now…well, who am I kidding? Feeding the still bitter half of my heart, it just convinces me more that love is almost always not enough. It’s just sad to see a true love that ended badly, but everything works out for the best. And that I truly believe so. It’s just a classic story of why do all good things come to an end, no matter how people prevent it and no matter how people will it not to happen. It’s life, it makes its own path, own rules, which all of us spend a lifetime figuring out.

Lemons

“Sometimes, despite your best efforts otherwise, life will give you lemons. when that happens, you got two choices friends: you can wear a sour face or, you can make lemonade.”

In my life, I have tried my hardest to make things work. I planned my life and made the best of it. But seems life nothing is working for me. Nothing fell into my plan. Somewhere along the way, things get rough and twisted and I can’t do anything about it. I become a willing victim. I become an unknowing by-stander. So what did work? Well, everything I feared happened and I did not have anything to do with it. I did my part right, yet everything went like a fallen deck of cards. I have lost just like that…just like I have never did anything to fight it. Like things are meant to happen. So I rest my case and laid it all to whatever it is that is meant to happen in my life. I have stopped planning but learned to develop my own coping mechanism to bear with my really spontaneous and unpredictable life.
Not that I am complaining, but well, I have got nothing to lose now. In the first place, everything that I feared happened to me. Everything…so what am I afraid now? Nothing!

I have nothing to lose anymore…but I’ve got much to gain. Even though my life did not fall exactly on my plan, it became way better than what I dreamed for. Though I am going through a rough time now, I am beginning to see a silver lining peaking through the clouds. Now I am looking forward for more challenges. I told you, everything that I feared in the past happened, so I have got no fear or no expectations in facing the new chapters of my life. I look forward to it.

Gameplan

Now that I am done terrorizing you, I am down to your accomplice.. Boy, things are just getting better and it makes me feel really really good. I would make a good private investigator or something. Hahaha! And so another saga begins.

I'm Sorry

Telling me this words
With all honesty
With all sincerity
I could have let your debts pass
If only you would say these words, forgetting the anguish would be easier
If only you would say these words, I could have better understood you
Things couldn’t have gotten this far
Whatever you have done
You were thinking with your head fogged up
That’s what this woman did to you
Why couldn’t you even see that?
Have you grown that dumb?
To throw your sanity away
For a woman who do not even deserve you
For you are bad for anyone
You are no good to take care of yourself
Everything can turn into worst
When you are with someone
She does not even know you
So go on break another heart
But hear me once more
If only you have said these words
I might have seen a better man
But what I see now
Is not even half the man I knew
With regret I say
I am sorry for YOU
I am sorry for the man
I now see in you

Afraid of YOU

How would you feel if you found out that someone is afraid of you?
I honestly would understand. Normally, I don’t smile at every person I meet. I do not greet people unless they have greeted me first and I seldom start conversations with strangers. To the people I know, I am beyond transparent. So whenever I am pissed, happy or angry, it really shows. Beyond appearances, I sure believe that people become afraid of something or someone because of other reasons. To realize that someone is afraid of me, I am still quite puzzled. I don’t have fangs and I don’t bite. But perhaps a person may be afraid of another person because he couldn’t just face that person for now.

Afraid? As I think about it, I made a list of things that would make me afraid of one person. One, if he threatens my life. Two, if he threatens my son’s life. Three, if I know that he has the capacity to bring harm. Lastly, I have done him wrong in the past and I can’t seem to face it. People tend to be afraid of people whom they do not want to settle scores…not yet.

Who am I afraid of?

Now that I have to think about.

Showbiz Chika

I just read this article about Kris Aquino and Mayen Austria about an argument concerning James Yap. To wrap things up, Kris and James’ marriage is apparently shaky and that there is this Mayen woman who is a fan of the Purefoods team and that Kris discovered this woman turning to James as her confidant. Then Kris was kind of bothered because she feels it isn’t right for a very single woman to turn to a married woman for an advice, especially about personal stuff, dahil walang hinihingi ang ganitong babae kundi gulo rin. She asserts that when she was having problems in her marriage, is it right to cry on the shoulders of Gabby Concepcion for an advice? So there. Also, this Mayen girl went to the same school with Kris, I am not sure if she was Kris’ classmate in an exclusive school.

Apparently, what gotten Kris angry is that this woman calls James' cellphone for a personal advise? Think about this, would a celebrity give his number to a simple 'fan'? Or is this woman just a fan?

And so I reflected, even to people who are educated and belong to the upper crust where utmost moral values and delicadeza is observed and upheld to a sin, things like this happen. Whatever happened to dignity nowadays? Turning to a committed man or woman, a married man or woman for that matter, for anything is like asking for another thing. What a desperate and despicable act is this, nothing disgusts me more but this. I support Kris statement of “protecting my territory” especially to those who are already married. But married or not, the rule of decency must stand. Otherwise, there will be no fairness in partnerships, in relationships and in life.

Let us all refresh in our mind that Kris has been twice a mistress. She had TWO relationships with married men, namely Philip Salvador and Joey Marquez. Is this her karma? I mean, she has been in the other position before right? Maybe this is what makes her very anxious or fearful of keridas... or 'fans'. And since she is married to a man who is very capable of cheating, she will suffer and carry this burden for all of her life...well that is if she sticks with her marriage contract.

I am not saying that Kris deserves this kind of agony, it's just that... It makes me even more convinced of the saying that goes, "what goes around comes around" or that "do unto others..."

I don't know the title of the song but there is one that I have heard that "love is a battlefield". Oh well, it's like all play, cheating to win or fighting to win. Make your choice. What a crazy life!

Cheating Speaks

As a kid I was taught many things. Little "life's lessons" if you will. Things to get you started on your way to becoming a good adult. I learned my ABC's, my colors, not to kick other kids, etc. Another thing that popped up along the way was that cheating is wrong. Cheating not only hurts yourself, it hurts others. It starts a cycle of betrayal and trust issues that destroys not only relationships, but people. To me, any argument that cheating is OK if you're loved one doesn't find out about it is juvenile, naive and basically ridiculous. "What they don't know won't hurt them" is one of the most childish arguments in the book. Also arguing that since I have never cheated, I have no right to speak on this subject is equally ridiculous. I have never stuck my finger into a light socket either, but I'm assuming it would still hurt if I did. Owning up to screwing up is another one of those little lessons I've accumulated over my life. Making excuses for your actions will get you nowhere. Insanity is basically doing the same thing over and over and hoping for different results. One needs to grow up and break that cycle, and treat others as they wish to be treated.

Blessings...Blessings

Finally, I got my well-deserved scholarship coverage this semester. Boy, it is no joke to work out all those grades when you are a mom, an errand girl, a working girl, all rolled in one. It was just unexpected. I was surprised to be summoned at the office of the school’s vice president of finance to sign some papers. After that, I left the room with a significant discount on my school fees.

On the other hand, work is crazy. I am buried neck-deep with things that I am asked to do…which should be a good sign right? I am earning well for me and my son…more than well!

At the end of the day, I thought, why was I so afraid? With the decision to finally stand up for my son and myself, I admit that I was afraid I can’t make things work. Have I lost confidence in what I can do? Have my trust in my potentials grew less? Whatever the answers in these questions are, I admit that these unexpected blessings made me feel great about myself.

God has His way of testing your courage. With the saying that goes, “God will provide”, or “do you best and God will do the rest…” He really does!

Now that gives me enough reason to loosen up and feel more secured with my life these days.

Thoughts to Ponder

No matter how well you dress yourself or how much money you have in the bank, if you threw your dignity out in the air, you got the one invaluable thing that you had, had lost, and can never regain.

In Hiding

Yeah, I admit that I am quite in hiding lately. I grew tired of thinking that I am fine with everything when all there is is mess. I am just in this phase of life where I needed to decide on whether to jump over or not. I am weighing every decision that I needed to do, as I have discovered that everyone else was fooling and playing with me for quite sometime now. I have realized that while I was suffering with my unresting thoughts questions every night,blithely aware of my anguish, confused and hurt about everything, they already knew the answers and they never even bothered to tell me. Now I know. Now I know what they knew.

It really is awful to discover that the people that you trusted weren't all worth the trust.

The Best Version Ever

This could be my national anthem right now...the best version I found so far...
ALANIS ROCKS!

My Religion

You know how us Catholic girls can be
We make up for so much time a little too late
I never forgot it, confusing as it was
No fun with no guilt feelings
The sinners, the saviors, the loverless priests
I'll see you next Sunday

We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did

I sang Alleluia in the choir
I confessed my darkest deeds to an envious man
My brothers they never went blind for what they did
But I may as well have
In the name of the Father, the Skeptic and the Son
I had one more stupid question

We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did

What I learned I rejected but I believe again
I will suffer the consequence of this inquisition
If I jump in this fountain, will I be forgiven
We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did

We all had delusions in our head
We all had our minds made up for us
We had to believe in something
So we did

Random Thoughts

Life comes with surprises, welcome or not. But life in its spontaneity makes it a warzone, war against other people, war against nature and way against your weaknesses that lurks deep within you. Weaknesses exist to remind you that there is still room for you to grow, that you got more of life’s experiences to face and deal with. As you overcome each of your weaknesses, you will be free of your fear. Fear is a marker of weakness. In this light, when you got nothing else to fear, you get less and less of the weakness you got. What results from that is an overwhelming strength that will help you battle with all the adversities that you may face in life. Strength that will give you the force to overwhelm all of those who threaten your very existence, the strength that will make the weak perish in light.