Family ONE

“If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.”

surprises surprises...hmmmm!

I am Home

I have been away from my laptop for so long, but the time off was all worth it. I just came from a spiritual retreat, which I attended because it is a requirement for graduation in school. Never did I thought that the experience will blow me away. Never did I thought that I needed that time to be just still, alone in silence, opening up my heart to what my soul needs, listening up to the words I refused to hear from my own self.

My days are crammed with time for work, for school and for my son. During my idle hours, I prefer to plug my ears with my headphones so I can listen to some music. I thought I was listening to music for relaxation, but then I realized that I just want to refrain from listening to my own voice, which screams that I need to do something to settle all my unfinished business and go on with my life with no guilt and other unwanted and unhelpful baggage.

My 3-day spiritual encounters and reflections of my life made me realize that there are still more things that I should be thankful for, but for some reason, I tend to focus on the things that I want and I don’t have. But then these wants are but a scratch to what I already have. On its own, my life is complete and I got everything going for me, yet for some reason, I still manage to find things to complain about.

When I envy the lives of other people, I didn’t realize that my life is also worthy of other people’s envy. I never thought of it that way. Perhaps the time spent in seclusion with nothing but reflections, worship and prayer is everything I needed to bring back the peace in my life.

In my confessions, I have learned to forgive myself for all the faults I buried deep in my heart. As I kneel for forgiveness, I also have learned to forgive myself, I have learned that with all the pains and hardships in my life, the silver lining will soon appear and make me smile once again for brighter tomorrows. I have learned that no matter how long I went away, it is never too late to come home to my God, the ever loving, ever forgiving and ever understanding father I never had.

As I stepped off the bus and into the hustles and bustles of the city, I felt peace inside me. I felt light and it was so easy for me to smile to strangers. I am a new person now. I am better. As I realized that God embraces me with love in every breath and pain I take, I know I can survive it all. What else can beat that? Now, I don’t fear anything at all. I am finally HOME, and I am never going anywhere else again. 

Painting is fun!

After having eggs for breakfast, my son and I thought of doing some painting. I just thought of an activity that he can do while I can have a luxurious hour surfing the net to manage some online correspondence. After an hour of doing the net surf, I was surprised to face this mountainous pile of wet paper, my son’s masterpieces. He had his toys, space ships and action figures drawn so I had his wet paintings hanged to get air-dried. I promised him that we would debut his work this afternoon, with all his doting grandmothers and grandfathers at bay. Now that’s a good time to get a round of ice cream and chips in the house.

happy fwends

Yesterday, I spent the day laughing so much, I can feel my jaw aching for all the exercises and stretches it made. Yesterday, I spent the day talking about things in life, difficulties that I thought I will never survive, but flawlessly surpassed. Then I thought to myself, I can go on living with simple and meaningful times like this. It is the people I spend time with that make me feel better about my issues with life. It is the people that I bond with that make me feel I can do so much better and I am doing better than before. Sometimes, when I feel low and a bit uncertain about my actions, they seem to give me a mirror where I can see every aspect of my action, to which I will admit mistakes, commend good attitudes and be surprised at the things I did, good or bad. My harshest critics, my truth committee, my friends. I don’t what what’s in me but seems like I am a magnet for great friends. God knows I love ‘em, ‘cause I need them. I hope I manage to bring them same kind of joy that they give me in the littlest gesture, joke, advice and laughter. 

Best Sick Day

I am down with flu but the one thing I like about being this sick is that I get to get smoldered with displays of affection. My professors gave me the green light to go home, without marking me absent. My classmates offered to take me to the school nurse to take some medicine. My friends offered to take me home…and it meant going through an hour ride from the city to my home.

So even with this overwhelming aches and pains and even when I am tingling all over, I felt the rush of love and it tucked me warm in my own happy place. Thanks guys! You made my sick day one of the best days of my life. 

"Sick Day"

Today, my five year old woke me up at 2 AM complaining about muscle pain on his legs. I groggily scrambled to reach for the soothing liniment that I keep handy in my drawers to give him immediate relief. By morning, he asked me if he can skip school today because his leg hurts. I have learned that he was busy the day after. He spent his afternoon playing in the park and running around the garden playing with our neighbor’s kitten, which he frustratingly chased till dark.

Now, we are having breakfast. My boy curled up in a blanket while spooning his cereals. To me, this looks like an overacting kid who simply wanted to skip school on a lazy morning. Whoever did not pull this stunt when they were kids right? Seems like milk and cereals can do wonders to his spirits. He went into his usual lightning round of questions and so I realized he was okay. He figured that I figured that he was okay. So he ended up going to school anyway with me promising to answer more of his kid questions by the time he went home after school. I am bracing my quite rusty memory on that!

Sonnet 124

"If my dear love were but the child of state,
It might for Fortune's bastard be unfather'd
As subject to Time's love or to Time's hate,
Weeds among weeds, or flowers with flowers gather'd.
No, it was builded far from accident;
It suffers not in smiling pomp, nor falls
Under the blow of thralled discontent,
Whereto the inviting time our fashion calls:
It fears not policy, that heretic, 
Which works on leases of short-number'd hours,
But all alone stands hugely politic, 
That it nor grows with heat nor drowns with showers.
To this I witness call the fools of time,
Which die for goodness, who have lived for crime." --- Shakepeare


----> love doesn't come everyday. so when it finally comes knocking, take it, be open for it and grab hold of it...and then you see yourself making interesting and often foolish decisions in life.