I am Home

I have been away from my laptop for so long, but the time off was all worth it. I just came from a spiritual retreat, which I attended because it is a requirement for graduation in school. Never did I thought that the experience will blow me away. Never did I thought that I needed that time to be just still, alone in silence, opening up my heart to what my soul needs, listening up to the words I refused to hear from my own self.

My days are crammed with time for work, for school and for my son. During my idle hours, I prefer to plug my ears with my headphones so I can listen to some music. I thought I was listening to music for relaxation, but then I realized that I just want to refrain from listening to my own voice, which screams that I need to do something to settle all my unfinished business and go on with my life with no guilt and other unwanted and unhelpful baggage.

My 3-day spiritual encounters and reflections of my life made me realize that there are still more things that I should be thankful for, but for some reason, I tend to focus on the things that I want and I don’t have. But then these wants are but a scratch to what I already have. On its own, my life is complete and I got everything going for me, yet for some reason, I still manage to find things to complain about.

When I envy the lives of other people, I didn’t realize that my life is also worthy of other people’s envy. I never thought of it that way. Perhaps the time spent in seclusion with nothing but reflections, worship and prayer is everything I needed to bring back the peace in my life.

In my confessions, I have learned to forgive myself for all the faults I buried deep in my heart. As I kneel for forgiveness, I also have learned to forgive myself, I have learned that with all the pains and hardships in my life, the silver lining will soon appear and make me smile once again for brighter tomorrows. I have learned that no matter how long I went away, it is never too late to come home to my God, the ever loving, ever forgiving and ever understanding father I never had.

As I stepped off the bus and into the hustles and bustles of the city, I felt peace inside me. I felt light and it was so easy for me to smile to strangers. I am a new person now. I am better. As I realized that God embraces me with love in every breath and pain I take, I know I can survive it all. What else can beat that? Now, I don’t fear anything at all. I am finally HOME, and I am never going anywhere else again.