A 'Piece' of my Mind

In life, God will never give you everything you want. He will never give you anything that you are not entitled to have. Harsh as it may be, He loves us that way. God is all love, but he is not all about giving. He is all about making you suffer the hardest to make you realize what you already have, so you quit asking on the things you actually do not need or do not deserve to have. In this materialistic world, He will rip you of everything you hold dear. Everything. He puts you in situations where you will twist in anguish and cry in pain until you can’t bear anything more. He rips you of everything you value so you will realize the sense of your life, your purpose of living, and your purpose of being. He does these to make you realize that you don’t hold the sole control of your life.

Haven’t you noticed? No matter how you carefully plan your life, there is always a room for failure with minor slipups. With all your plans, you still mess up. He makes us realize that we don’t have all the power to make things happen in our lives. It is all in His hands. And whatever plan He may have for us, it’s all for the best.

Now that I am a parent, I now understand this message. Your child may rebel at your rules or at your convictions on house rules, but at the end of the day, your love for them will find a way to keep them straight in the line of light. No matter how your child may fight it, he needs to learn that there’s no other way to be on the place he wanted to be but through the life lessons you may teach him. Trials are like arming your child with everything he needs to survive. As much as God would like to spare us of the hurt and fear that we have in our lives, these feelings play crucial roles in teaching us, arming us, protecting us and bringing us closer to the place where God and we people will share a divine life, a full existence from which we are separated by our worldly sins and mistakes.

Clarity

With all of life’s confusions, you sometimes need to take a break to tame your wild imagination. Thinking for the worst sometimes bring more bad than good. No matter how you disagree, I believe that we need not find all the reasons or answers to the whys and hows of our life. There are things in life that we don’t understand, all because they are not meant to be understood at present time. In time, the questions in our life will eventually bring us valuable realizations about how we came to be, how much we have learned and how gracefully we have handled life so far. When everything else seems to not make sense, any sense at all, they will do in time. I don’t want to sound like a self righteous and overly hypocritical religious woman, I am never that. But I just wanted to share that one way of coping with life is setting all your questions free. Sometimes, when I find it difficult to find sense in everything that happens, I just leave it at that. I thought, I don’t hold all the answers, even in my own life. Maybe, someone else holds that answer for me. Maybe someone else will give me the key to knowing myself better, discovering more of what I am as a person. Or maybe, those who have hurt me already gave me the answer, but all these hate made all reasons unclear and more confusing. Or maybe, just maybe, all the answer is there but I just refused to see them in the light, afraid of what I am about to discover.

Enough

“When a man gives up, a woman can coax him to go on and change his mind, but when a woman says enough, that means the end…”

In all the interesting experiences in your life, you certainly have encountered situations where you are close to giving up or you are torn between giving up an going on. Life is defined by our choices. Sometimes, we choose to bear some more and still give chance to everything we face. At times, we simply say, “that’s it, I am done”.

But between men and women, contrary to the common belief, in things like this, women are never fickle minded. They are more resilient and even more flexible in terms of bearing with life’s situations. Amidst the hurt surrounding her relationship, physical or emotional, she may still decide to stand up for her man thinking that all is worth it. But while women have flexible tolerance, when they say enough, it means enough. You have reached her limits. No extensions and no other chances.

Suffering enough is enough chance given to any man to make up for everything he has done, for every wrong and every hurt. But once that chance it abused, there’s no turning back.

Speak up

In life, I have learned that no one else will stand up for you but yourself. In every battle, you better get yourself armed with courage to speak up for what you believe in and express everything that is bottled inside your heart and inside your mind. Sometimes, you contemplate on whether or not to speak for yourself because of fearing that telling the truth might hurt the ones you love. That is actually not the case. While you worry on hurting the ones you love, they are there rooting for you to do what you feel and see is right. That is because you are standing up for everything that you are. There’s nothing to be sorry about that. Everyone who loves you will understand the whys and whats of your actions, provided that they are within reason.

I am thankful that I am one person who realized the people who loves me for real. The people who embraced everything that I am are there in every step I take. Although sometimes, I feel like I am traveling the lonely and hostile roads of life alone, I have come to realize that they are actually everywhere. They are in my shadows, they are in my heart, and they are in my mind. Presence and actions may not speak of everything. It’s the thought that they will be there whenever you need to stand up for yourself, rooting for you to be a successful challenger of everything that comes your way.

To See an Angel Cry

See her there, see her crying thinking she loves him so
But she doesn't know how much it hurts me to hear her beg him not to go
If she were mine again, I'd never let the tears fill her eyes
But she doesn't know how much it hurts me to see an angel cry.

Once she built her world around me and like a fool I tore it down
And she begged me not to leave just the way she is doing now
Now she is begging to another with that same hurt in her eyes
But she doesn't know how much it hurts me to see an angel cry.

I didn't know how much I'd hurt her till I saw her here this way
I didn't realize how much she was broken seeing her falling apart this way
If she were mine I'd hold her forever and dry the tears from her eyes
But she doesn't know how much it hurts me to see an angel cry.

Happy Birthday to Moi!

I am thankful for all my experiences in the past year:

I am thankful for all the struggles and hardships I had in raising my son alone because through that, I have discovered more about myself in doing things that are way beyond my limits.

I am thankful for the people surrounding me for all the love and appreciation they have of me being their friend and family.

I am thankful for the job that kept me at my toes from night till dawn till noon to give me money to pay for all my needs, especially my son’s needs. Even if it drains my brain dry, it gives me so much to do, so much to improve and so much to value.

I am thankful for not having problem with money or health this year.

Thank you for my good grades in school, needless to say, it's the reward of all my sleepless nights.

I am thankful for whoever invented or created ‘The Bar’ for he gave me the finest Filipino booze to date.

I am thankful for Marlboro for continually keeping me company through those times I needed to think and analyze my life.

I am thankful for me ex jilting me with this ‘married nurse’ for making me crazy for the big part of the year with these strange combinations of emotions; dealing with those led me to people who made me realize that living a full life does not come with ‘excess baggage’.

I am thankful for you for reading this nonsense birthday entry.

Lastly, I am thankful for my son who, even did not say the right words or did not do all the right things, completed my life.

I know I will have more things to be thankful for. But it would take another year to make me complete another list.
‘till then.

Juzz feelin' dis song

ScarJo just looks ... tempting ... well, looks like I will be humming something like this sooner or later...tsk tsk! trouble in paradise... hahahaha!

let me just say, it would be wiser not to stick your fingers to something or someone you don't know anything about ...

knowledge is power... do I hear pathetic? who's pathetic now.
hahahaha!



better start over than live a lie...aye?