Updates

On my post titled:

"My Last Post about this shit!!!"

I won't share more details but the thing is, I have spoken to the family of the concerned parties and that they also confirmed to me that what I claimed was actually 100% true.

When I was accused na ilusyon ko lang daw yung sinasabi ko, na mapapahiya lang daw ako kase nga di DAW totoo, then why are the family talking to me and giving out details of everything they know? Why are the people who have knowledge of the affair came straight up and confirmed what I already know? Maybe because they wanted to clear their conscience. I don't want to say, "I said so" but seems like the fate plays on my side now. Bilog talaga ang mundo.

When I thought that I am going mad of thinking that I might be missing something or throwing stones at the wrong bitches, I got confirmation...somehow, this made me believe that I still got the favor of the fates. And so I say, who's smiling now?

Lesson learned: to all the ladies who are made to believe that everything in their relationship is alright and okay, if your gut tells you that there's something wrong, THERE REALLY IS SOMETHING WRONG. What keeps you from discovering it is your fear of the realization of the reality in your relationship...or just the fault of being with an asshole who are gifted with the skill of indiscretion. Intuition, gut, kutob...whatever you call it, trust it. It is your body's way of saying that you are sensing something synergystically subliminal...meaning, something's up, good or bad.

AT SA MGA MAKAKATING KABIT, MATUTO KAYONG HUMARAP SA MGA NABIBIKTIMA NINYO. MATUTO KAYONG PUMILI DAHIL DI NINYO ALAM, BAKA PAG PUMALAG YAN, BAKA KUNG SAN KAYO PULUTIN...ANG LALAKI NINYONG DUWAG!!! PANG KANTUTAN LANG PALA TIGAS NG MGA LAMAN NINYO. YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN A PILE OF STALE CUM!! ANG BABABOY NINYO!!!

To the last breath, all I was given was denial. So here's the thing. I would pay the same 'respects' you have given me guys.





SO SMILE ALL YOU CAN...ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS...WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND...AND WHEN KARMA HITS...IT HITS H-O-M-E.

Just Rockin a Boy Look!

So...whatchuthink?

My Prayer

Dear God,

I am humbled by all the problems… I am humbled by YOUR way of teaching me how cruel life is when I reached too high, blindsided by the things I wanted and planned on my own, losing touch of the people and the things that means more in my life.

I appreciate the effort of gradually melting all the fury I keep inside me, which gave me quite an excuse to hurt the people who have hurt and ruined everything I worked so hard for. Serves them right, but to my shame, I reflected, what did that make me become? No better than those people I hated...

I appreciate YOUR way of throwing all the stones, which I have thrown them, back at me to make me realize how a self-righteous bitch I have become through all the years I so believed that I am always right.

Thanks for continuously hurting my pride to make me realize that my pride is my greatest villain. Thanks for helping me gradually lose this weakness of mine as it keeps me from facing the realities of what my life has actually become. Thanks for robbing me with all the reasons to pretend that everything is alright, when it is actually not.

I know life hurts and the road to my destiny is not supposed to be easy. I don’t promise that I will cease my complaints, but I promise to try to rise above my shame and mistakes.

When all I got is envy for people whose life went smoothly, just the way they planned, while I am left with other people’s shit to deal with, thanks for sending me a flicker of something to hold on…a flicker of hope that after all the mess, I will be living and breathing my happy ending.

It comforts me that YOU are there to guide me, to test me, to provide for me while YOUR plans continue to torment me. Have more patience in me please… I can’t be strong on my own. I can’t keep on without the courage you constantly make me realize I had, all this time.

I may be the writer of my life. I am the one who will put words for it to take shape and assume a meaningful existence. I may be the one to decide which direction and style it should fit in. But I know that even when I try the hardest to polish and edit my work, YOU are still the toughest of the toughest editors I will ever encounter…that after YOU, I know facing all other stories to embrace will be a breeze.

‘Till you give me the green light to write my own story, I will miss all these...i figured, my life will be nothing but a snorefest. So I plead, continue doing what YOU are doing. I don’t care if you thrash all of my hard work. Feel free to draw red lines to the words, phrases and paragraphs or even chapters that are irrelevant and unnecessary. Check the portions I have done right. Write notes of improvement in some chapters. Write “you are full of shit!” in BOLD on the portions where I make no sense at all. I welcome your call for revision, rework and reviews. But please…all I ask is for YOU to keep me on.

Please give me the strength to bear with your demands, enlighten my will to explore more ‘stories’ in my life. The decision is beyond my hands. I am but a ‘humble’ writer in your big publishing house. Whether or not I am worthy, I promise I will try my hardest to qualify because YOU can't get rid of me that EASY, and YOU know that.

So until you grew tired of me, be fed up of throwing all these drama at my direction, I will appreciate more of the challenges YOU gave me to polish all my jagged edges, while its lasts. I dream of waking up to the day…as I will end up a beauty that is far beyond my expectations. Thanks to YOU.


Your craziest fan,
Wendastarr

Life Under Construction

I have decided to start organizing my life. I have been all over the place and I am lost of excuses to justify my 'cluttered' life. Just my way of taking all things slow, simple and manageable.

It is so easy to expose yourself and share your affection to everyone, but apparently, with all that is left of me, I wanted to save space for all the people who matter in my life. Just my way of finding my own center.

I have started by organizing my friends list. Not that I am limiting myself to a number of people or being snob or whatever, I am just starting something new. I am starting something big that is beyond my hands. It is just symbolic that I wanted to start small, as it is all that I can handle.

I am fixing things, personal things that are left for time to get over with. Who knows?! After this, everything will be alright. This is my way of getting everything fresh and new and helpful. Only to those who matters. I am all to only those who matters and who made me feel I mattered in their lives.

Thanks for understanding. Thanks for the love. I appreciate everything. I will remember everything.

I am Dating My Man

After a week long drama, I thought I deserve a little break. So I decided to tag along NJ, my son, to be my date today. Day after day, I am thanking the gods because he is looking a little less and less like his father. To me, that is a comfort. Now, I see my eyes when I see him. I see my wits when he cracks his jokes. Just loving what he becomes as he grows in front of my eyes.

NJ has been the one person who has been there for me through all times, good and bad, happy and depressing. That's why I love him so much. Even though he does not understand yet,he really knows when to make me laugh. He knows just the little tricks that needed to make me crack a bit of smile.

Perhaps we will check out SM Naga if the weather clears up. If not, maybe we will hit the theaters for the movie "UP". Then we'll hit his favorite ride, the grocery trolley!!! Doing that while I complete our grocery list!

Today is an official holiday! So go on, have fun with your favorite people. Go to your special place. Ours is the corner where battery cars and musical animals roam around at the Metro mall. I even take the ride with him, making me look silly, but happy. So go on and have a fun day! I know we'll do.

Dear Friend

Hey friend,

Thanks for letting me crash your place last night. I really enjoyed the party...most of all your hospitality. Thanks you for giving up your comfort to gave way to mine. Thank you for giving up your 'date', to spend crazy time with me.

I look forward to more 'crash' times.

Thanks friend!

Luvyah,

Wendy

My First

For as long as I have known myself, I realized that I am gifted with gab, but that kind of 'gab' that is exclusive to friends and family. If 'gab' is put into writing, that should definitely count as one of my assets. I was never a 'host' material. I have always worked behind the scene. Even with my school plays in high school, I was just the director, the writer, the story feeder. I was never out there for execution. I was more into making sure that the 'execution' meet my material's expectations.

So when I was asked to play emcee for a special occasion in our school, I thought, well, I can do it but I needed to have some moral and confidence boost. My personal life didn't help much. Thanks to my seedy resourcefulness. I told you, I never was someone who was up there doing the gabfest. But then, I decided to take on the challenge.

So there I was, holding the mic and wearing my salmon dress. I was never comfortable about my self being exposed right there, to add to that, never did I ever been comfortable in real girl's clothes. Thanks to my partner, I kept at my toes through the night. I thank him for standing beside me as it was really nervewracking. But I did it. Even when my moral is low and my confidence severed, I did it. Which makes me wonder, what can't I ever NOT DO now?

What I am trying to say is that even when everything has crumbled, I realized that it takes sheer courage to stand above the shame and the feeling of turmoil. Put a little perspective on it, step above the negativity to face all things positive. Even amidst the chaos, managing to do something constructive is a good sign. Just look at the person looking at you and rooting for you and believing that you can do great things, why ever would you not do beautifully with that confidence. I you have lost some confidence in your self, pull yourself together and take strength from the people who are right there, cheering for you, giving you a "hey, that went great. You were great!" For what reason will you ever stay low?

After that night, I celebrated with some friends and also managed to meet new ones. While I was wondering how did I ever got so lucky celebrating with some 'beautiful' people sitting at the same table with me, I even wondered how the heck did I ever got so lucky? Whatever did they see in me to make them decide I am worth their company? Maybe I still got it. Hahahahaha...I still got it!!!

So I thought, well, this is the way to move on. I still got it and BOY did I felt so
relieved and so revived with that thought in mind. I can't wait for tomorrow now. I can't wait to discover and enjoy more things that I thought I can't, but I incidentally can.