My little Boy is growing too Fast in my eyes

Four years ago, I was preparing for the coming of a son that I never wanted at first. Admittedly, I was reluctant to face the responsibilities of being a parent, fearing that I would become the worst parent that ever lived in this world...the pressure is there to make everything right because as a parent, you will mold your child's personality, education...basically everything that he will ever become...so just imagine an unprepared messed up mother-to-be facing that...Crazy!!!


fast forward to three years later, I realized that being a parent isn't so bad at all. You just continue doing great things for your child and you will be alright...After all, there's no better parent for your child or your child-to-be but you. It is a gift of life that will teach so many things...inexplicable things that in the long run, will make you whole...Just imagine the power you have, being responsible in creating a child that you yourself would want to be.










At a late breakfast yesterday, I have taken this photo...it just reminded me what Sundays are supposed to be, bonding with family...He is my only family, a family I am nurturing single-handedly. It's just so peaceful to see simple joys in those eyes...makes me wonder of more years looking through those eyes, being happy staying with the parent or mother that he made me become.



I am leaving you with a candid picture of my son and my father...this would be surely be a nice memory lane photo in the future...

Unlucky days

Sometimes, things happen with absolutely no comprehensible reason. Sometimes, when you push your self too hard to accomplish things, all the preparations and troubles don’t pay. Sometimes, we set up expectations with which we feel that we can possibly achieve but end up empty handed, disappointed and frustrated with our own selves. But didn’t we realize that we are actually pushing ourselves too hard that we fail to meet our expectations?

Even the greatest performer had his dark times and experienced failures and defeats numerous times. Even the greatest artist, a master, at one point of his life, experienced being outshined by an up and coming newbie artist. The pain of life is that no matter how you prepared yourself to go to battle, there is still room for failure. No matter you how made it certain that you have absolutely have no chance of losing a game; you surprise yourself being left out as the sore loser. These are just some of the pains that happen in everyday life. There are times when everything you do, every idea that you contribute and everything you touch works. Of course, there are also some ‘unlucky days’ to complement your fate and make your life balanced. However, these ‘unlucky days’ surely come in perfect timing. They come when we needed ‘luck’ most. They come in times when we get too prepared to face challenges and conflicts that we stake our life and pride on. They usually come in just perfect timing when you are most vulnerable.

After all the frustrations left by our ‘unlucky days’, we just need to think back and reflect that it is only a day of our life. We surely need to lose sometimes to win more. We need to experience how it feels like losing or being on the other side of happiness, so we continually enjoy the simple joys in life. After all, these ‘unlucky days are just days in the years and decades of the lifetime that you still have to live on. These are just 24 or more hours taken away from your glory. Through these days, we are usually taught a simple yet valuable lesson. That is life begets meaning in times of unexpected crises. Character is tested by life’s struggles. And winners were once losers, an experience which made them strive harder to not lose anymore.

Sometimes, we are our greatest critic. Sometimes, our own self is the hardest to please when it comes to our skills, talents or achievements. Perhaps we are taking life way to seriously that way and we need to loosen up and let off the strain that makes everything so stiff. We are here to live life and make it like heaven and not to take in all the pressure and make life like hell. Where’s the fun in always winning anyway? These ‘unlucky days’ make the journey to winning worthwhile…makes it more challenging…makes it more fulfilling.

More on my favorite classmate

Just today, our NSTP class has a community service. As the self-proclaimed leader, my favorite fella assumed the responsibility of being the resource person. Her topic was about responsible parenting. I have mentioned before that this favorite classmate of mine is not so young and not a virgin either. In fact, she already popped a few spawn already. What gets me is that when I arrived she told me, “ATE WENDY, KUMPLETO NA YUNG GROUP MO?” I can’t take it anymore…me, being 4 YEARS YOUNGER THAN SHE IS, AN ATE?!!! WHHHAAAAT!!!

It’s not that I am so sensitive about my age, I love my age (hic). I just can’t take it that my favorite person in the world calling me ate. My bitchy self could’nt take it anymore. I have to take actions. I never regarded her as ATE even though it is obvious that she is ‘senior’ than me. Excuse me lang ha?!!

To get my reality check, I gathered enough guts to ask five of my classmates (which happens to be my groupmates, all boys) if I look older than this fella. And the verdict was unanimous, “absolutely not”…and they asked how old I am. I lied and said 19 (tumawad daw oh!)

It’s okay for me to be called ‘ate’ by my 15 and 16-year old classmates, but by a person pushing 29 years?!!! I just can’t take it!!!

I really don’t find it funny. As always, she gave me my much needed dose of annoyance!

But thanks to her, I got my much needed motivation to write something today…

My favorite classmate

I just wanted to share something that’s been bugging me for so long. You see, maturity and age have certain advantages when you are to come back to college. Aside from becoming more driven to get high grades, it enables a ‘comeback’ student to say things that have more meaning and opinions that matter (try taking an essay form exam at 20 something and you’ll know what I mean). However, I had a classmate that I seem to find weird and sometimes quite a ‘show-off’ when it comes to these advantages. Like me, ‘comebackers’ din sya. This classmate of mine is actually 4 years older than me (so if I am 24, she would be…) Anyways, it just bothers me that she always wanted to dominate the class, being the smart ass that he/she is (he/she for anonymity) taking advantage of every opportunity to speak. Sadly, it only happens during our theology class. What’s funny is that our Nat. Sci class follows the theology class and whatever she is in theology is exactly the opposite with Nat. Sci.

By my own definition, theology is the subject where students are made to reflect on the daily words of God. So whenever the daily gospel calls for a reflection on suffering, love for brothers and sisters, love in its entirety and sacrifices, she takes on the stage. It’s just like watching a monologue materialize. It’s just a live Saturday night show that you see on TV on which you may laugh, cry, relate, be insulted and ultimately get plain pissed. This is my classmate’s favorite subject. There was one time, when she was asked to report on a topic that requires her “expert view” since she is so smart with the subject (well, she seems to dominate the reciting part of the class so she must be). What came up was a report that has her classic monologue in it, a song and a live performance with it, and more of her preaching on how her perspective is so perfect. She just sounded so self-righteous that I just wanted to be bitchy and say “who cares bitch! Could you talk about other things but yourself or you can just shut your pie hole!!!”. She seems to be working out an advice program in class, which annoys me so much.

Moving on, here is the funny part. She is preaching about worldly things, yet her audience is 15 and 16 year-old students who are notorious of not listening to their mothers. She just sounded preachy and whatever hell she is bringing to class is plain futile. Just try coming to this class and getting used to the smirk on the faces of my classmates. By God, why are some people so self-absorbed!!!

The funny thing comes when the bell rings. From the front row, this fella I am dishing about moves to the far end of the class room. Natural Science is a physical science that requires brains to digest and wits to deal with. She seems to be afraid to take on the challenge of taking the front row in that class. I remember, we were discussing about vectors and then the instructor said about the direction of the storm is similar to the direction of the resultant forces that acts on the area of the storm. And then the word “northeast” was mentioned. And this fella said. “Madam, if mas malakas ba yung hatak ng force sa north kesa yung andun sa east, northeast pa rin yung direction the vector” Like duh!!! Anything in between the north and east directions is considered northeast, but is accurately determined the longitudinal and latitudinal coordinates. “madam, yung northeast, combination ng north and east forces” Duh ulit!!! Vector force nga, resultant, alangan namang combination ng iba pang directions…so much for being a smart ass!!!

I am quite bothered that she seems to be all over the place when she can. She smothers me with thoughts that I can express better, but chose not to for it robs these youngsters of the fun of being stupid, from which they will learn. I hate this fella because she thinks she’s sooo smart. The nerve!!! She’s sooo annoying…

Hello Again

It’s been so long…I realized I haven't posted anything in ages...so ergoes...

Lately, I have been too lazy doing anything but keeping track of my academic standing…since midterm exam week has passed. The thing is, I am quite surprised that it did pull through all the exams, waving high scores to my surprise. Alright, alright…I did study, to the point that I have missed my article submissions and other deadlines (emphasis on OTHER deadlines), which means I haven’t earned a cent for a week. But all the trouble is worth it!!! I feel ecstatic coming to class this week because of the great news…

I am really quite surprised with everything that happens. I feel so in control with my life right now. I hope that this will continue on, I will work hard for these great things to go on. I am quite enjoying my new course, it fits me right, which is perhaps one of the reasons that I seem to be doing so well.

I will just remind my self to kneel and come to church on Sunday. I have so much to thank HIM for. NJ’s coughing troubles due to the cold weather have passed…and now this…I am quite thankful.

After all the angst that I had in the past, I never thought that all I needed was a different perspective in life. at this point, I don’t dwell on expectations, I don’t dwell on what I am supposed to be accomplishing at my age if I did good in my first attempt to college, and I try to avoid giving in to the pressures in life. This way, I feel better contented with my life. I cease wishing, hoping and asking for things to happen because I know that everything I wanted will come with hard work…yes people, HARD WORK!! Life is not supposed to be easy anyway. And so the trouble continues, but I bet that I can still charge towards my goals. Troubles, pressure and expectations become problems only when they are recognized as problems. To me, they are challenges, a sign that I still got room to grow and be better. And boy did I get better!!!

Thank God!

THE GREATEST WEEKEND OF ALL

The past two days were like heaven for me. I turned off my phone…I never went online…I just slept and played with my son…That’s my definition of heaven. Enough sleep, fun time with my son and spaghetti. That’s it!

I’ve done great in school, I have earned enough, my son is healthy…is it not enough reason to reward myself for a job well done? All I was asking is enough sleep. So there I was. I even got the chance to hear every song that my son has learned. Boy I was surprised to have missed that much! I never realized that he has grown so fast. My baby…is now a kid! Time surely flies by unnoticed.

I have chanced upon an Ugly Betty Marathon, a Charlize Theron and Johnny Depp movie (I can’t remember the title), and a CSI weekend marathon…boy that was great!

In the afternoon, I spared time to stroll by the beach with my son, just easing up from all the fuss that I do everyday. Even at that moment, the tranquility of the beach got me.

Simple as it may seem, I was quite the break that I have been looking for. An escape that I look forward to doing again.

Now You Tell me

Often, I become lost to the things that need my attention. Everything is a big balancing act. Sometimes, I just wanted to freeze the moment, just for me to catch my breath. I just have this lurking feeling that something is amiss. I might have overlooked something and I don’t know what it is. What I know is just I am doing everything I can to face every day with all its challenge, and manage to end the day accomplishing everything that need to be finished-wrapped and polished.

I am using all my energy making things work. But hey, not everything has to come from me. Not everything has to come from me. I am no machine and relationships do not work with only one end functioning. It must be real work. So I don’t care if you are too tired by the end of the day to remember that we’re here, just check on us and make sure that we’re okay. I am fed up with all the routine rap. So please don’t appeal to my guilts and convince me that you are at the suffering end of our worlds, you have not yet got a taste of what my suffering has been. So don’t go ranting you’re available and expect that we’ll come rushing by and grab the chance to kiss your ass. Life does not work that way.

All I wanted is a little effort. I am busting my veins all day and all I get is one liner nonsense. I am fed up. I am burnt out. For now, I am entitled to be a bitch. For now, I refuse to care…safer that way…no complications…no nothing.

For now, I am taking a break. To hell with all the mess coming by my life, I deserve a break. When I mean break, I mean time…time to spend taking care of ME and not of everybody else. Life’s a bitch anyway….AND SO AM I. BIGTIME!!!