You are not Alone

Many times, people suffer in silence, tucked away in a corner of solitude. They wallow into their own issues and problems, trying to find solutions that would prevent the worst to come. Many times, people think the worst could happen, entertaining pessimism, which cultivate depression, frustrations and disappointments and cloud their better judgment. They think they were the only ones suffering as they are.

Then suddenly, when reality kicks in, clarity will be upon their shoulders. When people suffer together, there forms an inexplicable bond that gathers them together in suffering, in pain and through adversities. Many times, you thought you were the only one suffering, but that was before you turned to your neighbors, to your brothers and to your sisters.

People suffer together. We all have our own problems. But to the billions of people living in this world, there are several dozens and hundreds that are dealing with the same problems you have. There are dozens and hundreds of people feeling the same pain, enduring the same trials and hating the ones who’ve wronged them.

The thing is, we are not alone. No matter how hard life becomes, we are never alone. People suffer together, become happy together as they live in the same world where we all exist. So hang in there, you are not alone. You’ve got dozens and hundreds of people suffering and fighting the same battles you have, hating the same kind of people you hate and changing the same mistakes that you also made.

I am plain Sick

I really find it very difficult to be a responsible parent when I am dealing with something bigger than me, something that has done me wrong, something that I don't deserve. I find it hard to decide on whether or not to free all my rage because if I do, my being a responsible parent will be compromised. I find it difficult, I can't breathe. I got all my muscles tensed up, I could kill a crow. It's so hard to bear and live with the frustration and disapointment while saving an ounce of respect...for my son's father.

I am in rage. I am appalled. Although I expected things like "disgusting other woman" happens in the moment of weakness, I just can't help feel being human, I can't help feeling the emotions that comes with betrayal...it sickens me...it sickens me to my core. It has twisted me to bits I want to scream and shout out how you have killed a part of me...if only I can shout the words I wanted to say...if only I can lambaste you will all the disgusting words I know just to make you feel how I am sickened, while still setting a good example to my boy...my shame to world is how you got me fooled for somebody that is exactly not YOU.

I just hope all the pain is worth it. Every time I am fighting the tears to fall in front of my son, something inside me dies. Every time he smiles at me, I see your face...if only I can make him look like me, even just a little. Of what am I punished for? Why am I given this lifetime torture? What did I do to deserve something like this? Haven't I got enough? What else is there threaten the simple pleasures I enjoy in my life. Every time I am confronted with the fact that I cannot shield my son from a monster like you, I feel so frustrated I so wanted to twist your neck...I hope it's worth it.

Why me? God why me? Why is it always me? Why does it have to be me? I am so sick of this!!! I'm so goddamn sick!!!argh!!