More on my favorite classmate

Just today, our NSTP class has a community service. As the self-proclaimed leader, my favorite fella assumed the responsibility of being the resource person. Her topic was about responsible parenting. I have mentioned before that this favorite classmate of mine is not so young and not a virgin either. In fact, she already popped a few spawn already. What gets me is that when I arrived she told me, “ATE WENDY, KUMPLETO NA YUNG GROUP MO?” I can’t take it anymore…me, being 4 YEARS YOUNGER THAN SHE IS, AN ATE?!!! WHHHAAAAT!!!

It’s not that I am so sensitive about my age, I love my age (hic). I just can’t take it that my favorite person in the world calling me ate. My bitchy self could’nt take it anymore. I have to take actions. I never regarded her as ATE even though it is obvious that she is ‘senior’ than me. Excuse me lang ha?!!

To get my reality check, I gathered enough guts to ask five of my classmates (which happens to be my groupmates, all boys) if I look older than this fella. And the verdict was unanimous, “absolutely not”…and they asked how old I am. I lied and said 19 (tumawad daw oh!)

It’s okay for me to be called ‘ate’ by my 15 and 16-year old classmates, but by a person pushing 29 years?!!! I just can’t take it!!!

I really don’t find it funny. As always, she gave me my much needed dose of annoyance!

But thanks to her, I got my much needed motivation to write something today…

My favorite classmate

I just wanted to share something that’s been bugging me for so long. You see, maturity and age have certain advantages when you are to come back to college. Aside from becoming more driven to get high grades, it enables a ‘comeback’ student to say things that have more meaning and opinions that matter (try taking an essay form exam at 20 something and you’ll know what I mean). However, I had a classmate that I seem to find weird and sometimes quite a ‘show-off’ when it comes to these advantages. Like me, ‘comebackers’ din sya. This classmate of mine is actually 4 years older than me (so if I am 24, she would be…) Anyways, it just bothers me that she always wanted to dominate the class, being the smart ass that he/she is (he/she for anonymity) taking advantage of every opportunity to speak. Sadly, it only happens during our theology class. What’s funny is that our Nat. Sci class follows the theology class and whatever she is in theology is exactly the opposite with Nat. Sci.

By my own definition, theology is the subject where students are made to reflect on the daily words of God. So whenever the daily gospel calls for a reflection on suffering, love for brothers and sisters, love in its entirety and sacrifices, she takes on the stage. It’s just like watching a monologue materialize. It’s just a live Saturday night show that you see on TV on which you may laugh, cry, relate, be insulted and ultimately get plain pissed. This is my classmate’s favorite subject. There was one time, when she was asked to report on a topic that requires her “expert view” since she is so smart with the subject (well, she seems to dominate the reciting part of the class so she must be). What came up was a report that has her classic monologue in it, a song and a live performance with it, and more of her preaching on how her perspective is so perfect. She just sounded so self-righteous that I just wanted to be bitchy and say “who cares bitch! Could you talk about other things but yourself or you can just shut your pie hole!!!”. She seems to be working out an advice program in class, which annoys me so much.

Moving on, here is the funny part. She is preaching about worldly things, yet her audience is 15 and 16 year-old students who are notorious of not listening to their mothers. She just sounded preachy and whatever hell she is bringing to class is plain futile. Just try coming to this class and getting used to the smirk on the faces of my classmates. By God, why are some people so self-absorbed!!!

The funny thing comes when the bell rings. From the front row, this fella I am dishing about moves to the far end of the class room. Natural Science is a physical science that requires brains to digest and wits to deal with. She seems to be afraid to take on the challenge of taking the front row in that class. I remember, we were discussing about vectors and then the instructor said about the direction of the storm is similar to the direction of the resultant forces that acts on the area of the storm. And then the word “northeast” was mentioned. And this fella said. “Madam, if mas malakas ba yung hatak ng force sa north kesa yung andun sa east, northeast pa rin yung direction the vector” Like duh!!! Anything in between the north and east directions is considered northeast, but is accurately determined the longitudinal and latitudinal coordinates. “madam, yung northeast, combination ng north and east forces” Duh ulit!!! Vector force nga, resultant, alangan namang combination ng iba pang directions…so much for being a smart ass!!!

I am quite bothered that she seems to be all over the place when she can. She smothers me with thoughts that I can express better, but chose not to for it robs these youngsters of the fun of being stupid, from which they will learn. I hate this fella because she thinks she’s sooo smart. The nerve!!! She’s sooo annoying…

Hello Again

It’s been so long…I realized I haven't posted anything in ages...so ergoes...

Lately, I have been too lazy doing anything but keeping track of my academic standing…since midterm exam week has passed. The thing is, I am quite surprised that it did pull through all the exams, waving high scores to my surprise. Alright, alright…I did study, to the point that I have missed my article submissions and other deadlines (emphasis on OTHER deadlines), which means I haven’t earned a cent for a week. But all the trouble is worth it!!! I feel ecstatic coming to class this week because of the great news…

I am really quite surprised with everything that happens. I feel so in control with my life right now. I hope that this will continue on, I will work hard for these great things to go on. I am quite enjoying my new course, it fits me right, which is perhaps one of the reasons that I seem to be doing so well.

I will just remind my self to kneel and come to church on Sunday. I have so much to thank HIM for. NJ’s coughing troubles due to the cold weather have passed…and now this…I am quite thankful.

After all the angst that I had in the past, I never thought that all I needed was a different perspective in life. at this point, I don’t dwell on expectations, I don’t dwell on what I am supposed to be accomplishing at my age if I did good in my first attempt to college, and I try to avoid giving in to the pressures in life. This way, I feel better contented with my life. I cease wishing, hoping and asking for things to happen because I know that everything I wanted will come with hard work…yes people, HARD WORK!! Life is not supposed to be easy anyway. And so the trouble continues, but I bet that I can still charge towards my goals. Troubles, pressure and expectations become problems only when they are recognized as problems. To me, they are challenges, a sign that I still got room to grow and be better. And boy did I get better!!!

Thank God!

THE GREATEST WEEKEND OF ALL

The past two days were like heaven for me. I turned off my phone…I never went online…I just slept and played with my son…That’s my definition of heaven. Enough sleep, fun time with my son and spaghetti. That’s it!

I’ve done great in school, I have earned enough, my son is healthy…is it not enough reason to reward myself for a job well done? All I was asking is enough sleep. So there I was. I even got the chance to hear every song that my son has learned. Boy I was surprised to have missed that much! I never realized that he has grown so fast. My baby…is now a kid! Time surely flies by unnoticed.

I have chanced upon an Ugly Betty Marathon, a Charlize Theron and Johnny Depp movie (I can’t remember the title), and a CSI weekend marathon…boy that was great!

In the afternoon, I spared time to stroll by the beach with my son, just easing up from all the fuss that I do everyday. Even at that moment, the tranquility of the beach got me.

Simple as it may seem, I was quite the break that I have been looking for. An escape that I look forward to doing again.

Now You Tell me

Often, I become lost to the things that need my attention. Everything is a big balancing act. Sometimes, I just wanted to freeze the moment, just for me to catch my breath. I just have this lurking feeling that something is amiss. I might have overlooked something and I don’t know what it is. What I know is just I am doing everything I can to face every day with all its challenge, and manage to end the day accomplishing everything that need to be finished-wrapped and polished.

I am using all my energy making things work. But hey, not everything has to come from me. Not everything has to come from me. I am no machine and relationships do not work with only one end functioning. It must be real work. So I don’t care if you are too tired by the end of the day to remember that we’re here, just check on us and make sure that we’re okay. I am fed up with all the routine rap. So please don’t appeal to my guilts and convince me that you are at the suffering end of our worlds, you have not yet got a taste of what my suffering has been. So don’t go ranting you’re available and expect that we’ll come rushing by and grab the chance to kiss your ass. Life does not work that way.

All I wanted is a little effort. I am busting my veins all day and all I get is one liner nonsense. I am fed up. I am burnt out. For now, I am entitled to be a bitch. For now, I refuse to care…safer that way…no complications…no nothing.

For now, I am taking a break. To hell with all the mess coming by my life, I deserve a break. When I mean break, I mean time…time to spend taking care of ME and not of everybody else. Life’s a bitch anyway….AND SO AM I. BIGTIME!!!

Priorities

Time and time again, I often find myself in struggle on priorities. When I say I work, I say that it is for my kid. Being alive, I say that I am doing everything for my kid. But when it comes to situations where I would decide on which one to prioritize, whether its work or my child, I am surprised for it is a struggle for me to make the decision. Why don’t I immediately attend to my son and say that to hell with everything else? After all, he is number one in my life.

We are in the hospital right now. My son is vomiting and poo-pooing and has a temperature of 40 degrees. And amidst the people who are worrying about my son’s condition, I am more concerned about how the bill would dent my savings. Well, that’s the truth. I feel so guilty that I am thinking about other things than him feeling okay. I love my son and I do hope that he is already feeling alright but what am I to do? Although money is less important, it is still important.

You know, my son being hospitalized is just the icing on the cake of everything that happens to me right now. Maybe I need to dance upon the gods just to do away with bad luck. When they say: “when it rains, it pours” I believe that. Seems like bad luck has favored controlling my fate somehow. Crazy right? But I think so because it is how I feel right now. But what matters is, my son is okay.

In the past, one of my sisters has given me the greatest advice. She said that among every problem in the world, money problems is the easiest to find solution. Now I know why. Because when you look for a job, you will find it. Sometimes, it would just come when you needed it most. Compared to other problems, you can control the factors that cause money problems. Come to think of it, compare money with love and family problems and it will surely become inferior.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my son…dearly. He is all that matters to me. I am not counting the ways by which I have to sacrifice some part of me time and time again for his welfare. Because the fact is, he is actually giving me more than what I give him. He is actually giving me valuable life lessons that make me a better person and a better mother for him.

From an immature and inexperienced mom, I have become more of a mature woman, facing responsibilities head-on, and always knowing where her priorities lie. Thanks to inopportune times like this, I am learning more and more about how to survive bad luck, and life. It may sound silly but sometimes, it really needs to hit my head just to make it think straight. Because sometimes, I tend to become preoccupied by things or by people who matters less in my life.

To my son, I am eternally grateful for you. You are making me a better person every day. I promise that after you have recovered, I will take you somewhere special, just the two of us, bonding with at all the precious time that we can spare.

FLY

You may be puzzled why I titled my entry to an insect and a pest for that matter. Well, that is how I am describing my son lately. But it’s not the pest part; it is the hovering around part that makes me think of him being a fly anyway. Haha. Every time he finds me deep into my writing routine, he tends to fool around. Either he unplugs something or he pushes every button that he can reach in my computer. After losing a total of 3 articles and having to re-format my computer, all I have I a sigh, deep breath and a treat to my favorite ice cream flavor to appease my boiling temper. Kids these days, we all tend to underestimate what they are capable of. Maybe he is just too smart for his own good but on the other hand, maybe he is just trying out his smarts and showing it off to Mamay. You know, people say that patience is a virtue. But I am pulling strings every after strings that snap just to put patience on everything and every stunt that my son does. I am not complaining or anything, it’s just that sometimes I feel like I am losing my sanity comprehending everything that my son does for fun. Although it may seem like he is at play, every broken vase or damaged items in the house is already getting through my nerves.

But you know, every time he smiles at me, he is working wonders. Seems like this is the only way he consoles me every time I turn red because of containing my anger or temper. It’s really hard to show your dark side to children for they might copy it. I should know because I am already hearing one of my favorite curses muttered by my son. LINTIAS!
You may blame me but I can’t help it. I am just being expressive right? Okay it is really my bad…

I just can’t think of a thing to explain why he tends to hover around my computer every time I am close to meeting my deadlines. And when he does that, it is quite a struggle to keep my cool. Anyhow, this little tyrant of mine is teaching me a lot of things. He always emphasize that patience is a virtue. Sometimes, I worry that maybe my son has an ADHD. But he responds to people well. He also knows when to behave and when to put his charms on. He just quite a rascal lately, maybe because I spend more time at home. Maybe it is his way of making up for all the lost times. But mind you, I am not complaining. Every time I am gifted by his sweet kiss and tight hug, I feel alright.

So now I hear him coming right now, dragging his Lola’s slippers with him… I am praying that this is just a stage, and that this stage will pass. I just wanted end this entry with his famous line, the line that never fails to appease me every after broken glasses, vases and plates. “Mama?! Mahal na mahal kita…”- this may be a result of too much TV but who could ever resist that?!