Breaking Point

I just needed to escape from everything…forever. I thought, what’s the point of staying when all your hard efforts seems to be worthless and do not make a point. What’s the point of trying when nothing seems to progress. But then I thought; whatever made me bear with my life for so long. I had a purpose. I have a purpose, though I seem to have lost grip of them all and let them vanish into thin air.

The past few days weren’t the nicest or even the most glorious of my days. If only I can escape, if only I can break free from the life apart from my own. I really need to go, but I am preoccupied with things that I needed to face. And that’s what’s keeping me alive. That’s my purpose.

I need to live in the present and enjoy the time I am having, the people I have gathered and the memories I have built. I have accepted the responsibilities of whatever I have done in the past and gave up thinking of why I did it. I had my reasons, though stupid, but otherwise meaningful if not liberating. I am really slow at getting over life and moving on from the past but what I know is that these things are something that is not a part of my life anymore.

I have obligations and responsibilities that are meant to stay; they will never go away for as long as I am warm and breathing. Sometimes, I am thankful for them. Sometimes, I despise them. Honestly, I am grateful that such things are in my life, because they are the only ones that straighten me up. The only reason for me to go on. For what it’s worth, I will continue to serve them… especially now that I am nowhere near the trusting pathetic person I was once. What I see is a person in automaton, indifferent, unfeeling and hard, a person who can do everything and will not stop for anything or welcome any pity or empathy. The purpose I serve is all I care about…

oh, how I wish to feel again ...