All Better

All I know is that I am in a better place now. After a hell of what I have been through, I am quite more content and happier than before. June was a miserable month; everything seemed to be dark, vague and unfair. When I thought all things in life are meant to torment me, I just let all the negativity flow hoping that it’ll pass…and it really did. What I don’t understand is why is it that after my hard work of moving forward, I am still entertaining the nonsense that brought hell in my life. I should move on right? But I am surprised why I am still entertaining the nonsense that caused me hurt in the first place. When I am convinced that the past will always interfere with my present, I am sometimes confused on how to act. It’s just the fear of staying on the same ground where I was shattered and tried to pick up the pieces. With all the hurt and pain, I wonder why I am still attached to the things that did me wrong. Maybe I am just plain kind …or stupid. But what I know is that everything really takes time to get used to. I am just lucky to be surrounded with the love, support and understanding of my own circle, people from my own new world that does not include all those “nonsense in the past”.

I know that life has more things in store for me…more exciting things to cry with, to laugh with, to challenge and to love. I know that I can do more of the things that will make my son proud of what an amazing Momma I will be. I am just bothered why I feel pity to the people who have done me wrong. Maybe it’s plain kindness…or stupidity. Maybe it’s the guilt of cursing them to damnation. Well, the bitch in me smirks and says “you deserve each other and damn you for messing me up!”. Sure thing Karma acts fast. Everyone gets what they deserve. Maybe that explains why I am so lucky having friends that sticks up with me, sisters that love me unconditionally and a son that adores me and does not judge me whether or not I am good enough. But why should I feel bad when they are starting to pay for what they have done me wrong? Well, all I can say is that…SERVES THEM RIGHT. Now that’s sweeter than revenge right?

"HI...HELLO...YOU'RE GREAT!!"

I don’t know why I have this tendency of rooting for everybody else so they can make themselves feel better. I just feel that I can see beyond what these appear and act. Although I may easily notice sudden changes, good changes that is, for people wearing good clothes, cute items, and everything that is admirable, I just feel that noticing these things will help make them feel better about themselves. I disagree that what I do is flattery. Trust me; I don’t even know how to define flattery. What I see, what I observe, what I don’t like, I say. Haha! Just imagine the effort these people have made to improve themselves. Isn’t that commendable? Doesn’t that deserve any attention? Once in a while, I feel that I am making my life harmonious by learning to lessen my cynical thoughts and increasing my appreciation to every good that happens around me. After all, people are still people, depriving them of the knowledge that they are just fine and okay wouldn’t hurt me right? Besides, what I say is TRUE. I wouldn’t even comment on anything that I don’t feel or that I’m not convinced of. Why would I do that? I’m not making harmonious relationships by being a true blue PLASTIC. I feel that I may sometimes sound too self-righteous or too sure about myself by having the confidence to stand up and say that ”hey, you look good today!” or “hey, where did you get that from?” or “hey, what did you do to your hair, it’s nice!”. I hope I haven’t offended anybody by doing that. All I wanted to say is that, you simply rock! You are doing great. Thriving, confident and unique! So, regards to these people. You make make each day interesting for me.