Shocking

I got news today. My friend told me that my ex and the girl he took after me are now going public with their romance. You know when you feel like you can face anything after learning the truth, confirmations like this can still rock you.

It actually shocked me that I am still honestly affected by the news. I never realized that shame and embarrassment can kill. I was kind of confused because it struck me like a big bus. I was practically stunned. Although my mind tells me that the information does not concern me, my heart was crushed. I was crushed. The funny thing is that I was expecting this. Yet, when it finally happened, I was still surprised. Emotions, sometimes I wish there was an antidote for they drive me crazy.

After a while of getting a blank eye in front of the mirror, I started to move. I stood up, stared at my eyes once more and I was blank. I expected tears but they never came. Bitterness still lingers in me but I know I am getting better. I no longer have those violent tendencies and the cursing series I had before. Feeling numb, I was surprised to find myself talking and saying that it’s good that they have already moved on and living the life. I never said I am happy for them, I am happy that he is blithely aware of how it is to feel to be on the other end. I don’t think he can handle this kind of pain…

So this made me reflect on my current state. I feel stronger, I feel more secure of my decisions. I may feel pain and uncertainty right now, but I will survive. I have weathered storms before in my life. This is but an interesting detail.After all, you get what you deserve in life right? Go figure.